Video post, forward dated to Feb 5th

[failedpromise]

Who: Cortana
Username: Chosewell
Warnings: Mentions of death, animal experimentation and harm, creepy food?

(Oh look! A video post!

Cortana is sitting in an (her?) office with a small bowl of veggies and ...a rat? Yeah that's very much a white, tailless rat there, rummaging around in that little bowl of vegetable pieces next to Cortana as she speaks.)

Hey everyone! So I've got a little public service announcement for you- (The rat, having briefly lost interest in the food, starts trying to climb up her shirt. With a whispered dammit, no! Cortana gets to work on detaching it from her and putting it back next to the bowl.

She sighs.)

...You're probably wondering why the rat. Sometime around last October a new bakery opened up. Well technically, it had been open for a while, but it wasn't until October that it became famous for selling a rather unusual, if seemingly innocuous treat.

Sound familiar?

Deathbed bread was a tasty -- at least, according to what I've been told -- sourdough bread with fake epitaphs baked into the bottom as a homage of sorts to a time when bakers would steal headstones to use for baking bread.

(She makes a face.)

It seemed more than a little disturbing to me but apparently not everyone agreed -- I had to wait in line for a long time just to purchase a loaf.

There's a file containing pictures of said loaf attached to this post, by the way. (Anyone who looks will find an image of what looks to be an expertly baked loaf of sourdough marked with the words:

Here Lies Jessica Strange
Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Cousin
She made you feel Strange, but never a Stranger

...yeah, it really doesn't look sinister or threatening at all.)

As it turns out, the bread was a lot less innocent than it seemed. Not that it seems particularly innocent to me but apparently I'm sensitive to weird death symbolism. (She sighs, rolling her eyes.)

...Don't ask why.

Anyway, I thought it was creepy, so I talked to the people in research and requisitioned three lab rats to feed portions of the bread to, along with some other tests. Yes (She gestures to the little tailless creature munching on veggie pieces next to her.) that's where this guy is from. As for the others ...a few days after being fed, they had heart attacks and died. This one survived, but was severely traumatized (She picks it up, both to hold it closer to the camera and to give it some scritches. It seems to like the scritches.) and stressed to the point of chewing off its own tail. Given the situation, I think it's safe to assume the others were frightened to death. Humans who ate the bread reported having strange dreams and distressing experiences, claiming that they felt like they were going to die. There were also a lot of actual "accidental" deaths around that time.

Look, I know insects are perfectly normal food on some worlds and in some cultures, but in case the general public's reaction didn't tip you off, they aren't here. Given the previous track record with stores popping up selling new and unusual treats, I'd be really careful about anything you buy at Bumblegum, at least until we know for sure it's not a front for some sort of entity cult.

For those curious, I've got more pictures and data on the results of my experiments attached to this post.

Comments

voice; un: jelica

[musicdied]

Considering we have already had one horrifying bug avatar, maybe we should be keeping a close eye on this place.

And getting more rats.

[failedpromise]

Agreed, though we'll need to make sure to get sweets that wouldn't make the rats sick anyway -- it'll mess with the results.

[musicdied]

That shouldn't be too difficult. They're resilient little creatures.

[failedpromise]

True. Think we should do multiple tests with different types of sweet?

[musicdied]

Probably. And a control rat to feed things we know aren't going to possess it. Or terrify it to death.

[A beat.]

As much as we can know that anything in this town isn't going to turn out to be haunted.

video | un: sgr

[punched_hitler]

[And Steve might have actually tried some of the candy, too. But he does remember the bread.]

I haven't been yet, but I was thinking about checking it out. Do you need any samples?

Although maybe you should give that little guy a break, after the bread ordeal.

[failedpromise]

(Cortana blinks in confusion, glancing at the rat.)

You mean him? He's retired, actually. (Sort of. She was monitoring him to see whether anything else would happen -- does experiencing a supernatural event make one more prone to similar experiences in the future? But she's pretty sure that he's just an office pet now.)

[punched_hitler]

Oh - yeah. [Steve smiles.] Good, I think he's earned it.

But I do still plan on stopping by the store. We should at least check it out.

[failedpromise]

Know your enemy, huh? Or well, suspected enemy.

Anyway, I was already planning to pick up some samples, if you're interested in joining me.

un: Not A Koan

[lobster_bib]

Thanks. For doing those tests. I'm a sucker for bread and I probably would've tried some myself if the line wasn't so long.

How much food out there is safe, do you think?

[failedpromise]

You're welcome, buddy.

To be honest? I'm pretty sure the entities could turn anything to their purposes. Unfortunately, I think I'm the only person here who doesn't have to eat, so... (She shrugs.)

Signs of entity involvement generally include things that would be considered weird, out of place, or frightening, so it's good to start there.

[lobster_bib]

[he's about to out himself as a completely brand new newcomer but]

...You don't eat?

[failedpromise]

(She holds the camera closer to her face, so he can get a good look at the details of her face. Those eyes, beautiful and lifelike as they are, are fake. This close, it should be fairly easy to see that her irises are painted camera shutters.)

I'm a robot, buddy.

[video] un: cupkate

[bossyboiler]

It's a shame it sells nothing but insects. It'd be such a cute shop otherwise.

[failedpromise]

You know that some cultures eat them regularly, right?(She smirks teasingly.)

...I'm pretty sure they're counting on people to have that reaction.(The disgust at what they're selling, that is.)

[bossyboiler]

I do and if I were part of one, I'd have no problem with the idea of eating bugs. But as it happens, I am not. I think it's gross.

Being grossed out is a lesser form of fear. Did we really need two bug-related avatars?

[failedpromise]

Do we really need any of this? Do the entities? It seems like there's enough fear in the world for them to survive without intentionally making things worse.

(She's pretty sure that -- like most forms of life -- they're just greedy, and they don't care who they trample in the process of getting what they want.)

voice / dontron3000

[semilethal]

[There's a lot to unpack here, not least of all getting to read through a bunch of very well-documented experiments. Donnie remembers seeing her around the science-y wings at ADI, but had never bothered to engaged because like. Why.

But something is bothering him. Something...pressing. It just doesn't make sense, and looking at it from every angle produced no clear answer, so he has to ask:]

...why didn't they just shorten it to "Deathbread?"

Voice

[failedpromise]

(She makes a hmming noise.)

You know, I'm not entirely sure either. Maybe for the rhyme? Deathbed Bread does have a nice ring to it ...if you ignore the creepiness.

(Somewhere, she's tapping her chin thoughtfully.)

permavoice

[semilethal]

Inefficient. [he just doesn't like how hard the syllables are to say quickly] Any chemical analysis on the bread?

[failedpromise]

Somehow, I don't think dropping a syllable is going to do much for efficiency.

All results show it to be an ordinary sourdough.

voice; un: mkblackwood

[lowficharm]

Oh, of course it's bugs this time. It always comes back around to bugs.

[He sighs, a little put-out. Oh, he hates Corruption things.]

Considering most of the case files we have about bug-related entity things involve them being inside you, I, I really wouldn't recommend any eating of anything buggy ever again, actually.

[failedpromise]

Or zombies. Or the breakdown of technology. Or extradimensional hellscapes. Or people learning your deepest secrets.

(Truly, the list goes on.

And at what he says next, he can probably hear the unhappy noise and the distinctly even more unhappy tone of her voice.)

Sometimes, I really hate this place.

[lowficharm]

[There's another sigh, like he's trying to give some sort of apology.]

I'm sorry. It's-- I know, it's neverending, and this would be better if it ended at some point. Or at least if some of it ended. You-- you know. Uhm, anyway, thank you for this, it's-- it's important to let people know not to eat that stuff.

[failedpromise]

Don't worry, I'm used to it. The bullshit never ended at home either.

(She's so exasperated. There just aren't any good reactions to all this other than to get pissed off or cry.)