Video post, forward dated to Feb 5th

[failedpromise]

Who: Cortana
Username: Chosewell
Warnings: Mentions of death, animal experimentation and harm, creepy food?

(Oh look! A video post!

Cortana is sitting in an (her?) office with a small bowl of veggies and ...a rat? Yeah that's very much a white, tailless rat there, rummaging around in that little bowl of vegetable pieces next to Cortana as she speaks.)

Hey everyone! So I've got a little public service announcement for you- (The rat, having briefly lost interest in the food, starts trying to climb up her shirt. With a whispered dammit, no! Cortana gets to work on detaching it from her and putting it back next to the bowl.

She sighs.)

...You're probably wondering why the rat. Sometime around last October a new bakery opened up. Well technically, it had been open for a while, but it wasn't until October that it became famous for selling a rather unusual, if seemingly innocuous treat.

Sound familiar?

Deathbed bread was a tasty -- at least, according to what I've been told -- sourdough bread with fake epitaphs baked into the bottom as a homage of sorts to a time when bakers would steal headstones to use for baking bread.

(She makes a face.)

It seemed more than a little disturbing to me but apparently not everyone agreed -- I had to wait in line for a long time just to purchase a loaf.

There's a file containing pictures of said loaf attached to this post, by the way. (Anyone who looks will find an image of what looks to be an expertly baked loaf of sourdough marked with the words:

Here Lies Jessica Strange
Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Cousin
She made you feel Strange, but never a Stranger

...yeah, it really doesn't look sinister or threatening at all.)

As it turns out, the bread was a lot less innocent than it seemed. Not that it seems particularly innocent to me but apparently I'm sensitive to weird death symbolism. (She sighs, rolling her eyes.)

...Don't ask why.

Anyway, I thought it was creepy, so I talked to the people in research and requisitioned three lab rats to feed portions of the bread to, along with some other tests. Yes (She gestures to the little tailless creature munching on veggie pieces next to her.) that's where this guy is from. As for the others ...a few days after being fed, they had heart attacks and died. This one survived, but was severely traumatized (She picks it up, both to hold it closer to the camera and to give it some scritches. It seems to like the scritches.) and stressed to the point of chewing off its own tail. Given the situation, I think it's safe to assume the others were frightened to death. Humans who ate the bread reported having strange dreams and distressing experiences, claiming that they felt like they were going to die. There were also a lot of actual "accidental" deaths around that time.

Look, I know insects are perfectly normal food on some worlds and in some cultures, but in case the general public's reaction didn't tip you off, they aren't here. Given the previous track record with stores popping up selling new and unusual treats, I'd be really careful about anything you buy at Bumblegum, at least until we know for sure it's not a front for some sort of entity cult.

For those curious, I've got more pictures and data on the results of my experiments attached to this post.

Comments

permavoice

[semilethal]

Inefficient. [he just doesn't like how hard the syllables are to say quickly] Any chemical analysis on the bread?

[failedpromise]

Somehow, I don't think dropping a syllable is going to do much for efficiency.

All results show it to be an ordinary sourdough.

[semilethal]

So, the bakers are devil worshippers. Or whatever they call that here. Entity suckers? [he for real like for Real hates this entity bullshit. can't even investigate it properly with REAL methods, like science]

[failedpromise]

The terms most commonly used are cultists for worshippers and avatars for those gifted with "supernatural" powers.

I don't know the whole story.

[semilethal]

Just the results. Par the course, for here.

[A pause.]

I don't mean to sound ungrateful if I do. Just frustrated.

[failedpromise]

We did a raid on the bakery, but it was transformed into what appeared to be it's own pocket dimension, similar to what happened with Dogtown.

(There's a pause, as she tries to figure out how to word the next bit.)

I got ...lost. You'll probably want to speak to someone who didn't.

[semilethal]

Who else went with you? I'm sure ADI performed some sort of debriefing, but knowing them half of it may as well be redacted.

[failedpromise]

I think about half of ADI joined that raid. I think Edalyn might have been one of the successful ones? Her, Beau, and someone else. You should probably ask them about it.

[semilethal]

I'll do that.

[semilethal]

...when you say 'lost,' is that not unlike being cursed by some seemingly normal-looking object?

[failedpromise]

It's more literal than that: the bakery kitchen had basically been warped into an extradimensional space. There was a huge graveyard inside. Instead of finding my way to whatever we were looking for, I got to take a tour and see the sights of the presumably fake graves of people I care about at home.

[semilethal]

Ah all right. I was wondering if you were getting poetic about having trauma or something, people do that sometimes here. [it's annoying] Interesting. A pocket dimension? How did you escape?

[failedpromise]

To be honest, I can't stand poetry.

(Another thing the Gravemind ruined.)

A friend with more experience found me, helped me keep my mind focused on the knowledge that my friends are alive and I needed to get back to them. Apparently the solution to being literally lost was mostly metaphorical.

[semilethal]

Another thing that happens here sometimes. [Also another thing he hates, add it to the list] Though I have heard of people being 'cursed' and it just magically stopping on its own.

[failedpromise]

A lot of things are magical here, apparently.

(There's a sigh in her voice. Cortana also hates this.)

[semilethal]

Yes! Apparently so! There are just random mystic entities that nobody can see, and the information we are provided with which to combat these entities is "do not use your powers." And then apparently professional cult busting.

Worthless. Like trying to assemble a puzzle with half the pieces missing, and two thirds of the remainder in a locked box.

[failedpromise]

I will say that not using your powers is pretty solid advice. They've got things rigged so that anything that goes too far beyond what's considered human draws on them to power it.

It's a good way to end up finding yourself turning into something ...else. (She's really not sure how to describe the shit she's seen.)