network | text

[haircaring]

Who: Steve Harrington
Username: harrington
Warnings: none rn, will update if needed/requested

Hey so is this a regular Halloween parties and trick or treat kind of town, or is it gonna be like a portal to hell opens and rains unearthly terrors down on us kind of town tomorrow?

I mean I think this month's already been kind of a lot. Personally. But I know that's basically worthless to a demon or whatever. I just want to know my odds of having to deal with MORE horror movie bullshit.

But uh

also don't be a dick to trick or treaters no matter where we land on that. Like, be cool. They're kids. Between the hell portal and the popcorn balls, those twerps are gonna have enough to complain about.

Ok thanks

Comments

[haircaring]

Okay see THANK YOU. These are the kinds of things I mean. They're exactly what I meant. Horror movie shit! Everything going super wrong for no good reason and people dying! I KNEW it.

[ And then slightly belatedly: ]

I'm sorry that all happened to you, though. Seriously.

[aelwyn_aberration]

[This is the first time she's gotten condolences that she felt were completely sincere in their simplicity - okay, that's not true, but they're a different type that makes sense to her. It's an odd feeling, and she's not sure she cares for it. She decides to breeze right past it.]

Oh, that's just another day here in Gloucester. At least it wasn't the blood curdling experience that was the pigs with arms incident. Horrid.

Experienced with this kind of thing?

[haircaring]

Pigs with

Was it like all four legs were arms?

I dabble. Mostly to try to keep people I know alive. It's usually way less cursed costumes and more actual monsters.

[aelwyn_aberration]

I will say, in all fairness, we mostly get actual monsters. Cursed costumes are more of a seasonal thing, I guess. There were christmas dolls too. Nightmare.

But no, the pigs had four legs and then also arms on their back.

[haircaring]

Festive nightmares. Guess that's good to know in advance.
God I hate creepy dolls. If there's more creepy dolls this year that's gonna suck.

It's actually amazing how that's the WORST possible way for pigs with arms to be configured. I was wondering what's the worst way that could look and it turns out whoever armed the pigs got it first try.

[aelwyn_aberration]

Oh Mr Harrington, you lack imagination.

Imagine a pig with arms for teeth. Or a pig with full arms instead of hooves. Imagine a pig with tusks that are actually just arms with jacked up muscles.

The world should be glad that we only got pigs with arms on their backs.

[haircaring]

[ LENGTHY PAUSE. ]

Pigs have tusks?

[aelwyn_aberration]

...Yes?

Wild ones at least.

[haircaring]

Huh. Kinda cool to know.
Oh you know what it is? I was thinking about boars. Which I guess are pigs but they don't get called pigs. So weird.
If I saw a boar that had arms instead of tusks I'm pretty sure I'd just try to find a river or something to jump into so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

[aelwyn_aberration]

Oh, you mean the mutated creatures that humans bred. No, I meant wild boars. Farmyard Pigs originated from boars.
But yes, that's a valid response.
They were pretty easy to kill though, honestly.

[If you have copious amounts of magic.]

[haircaring]

[ Hmmmmmm. ]

There's a lot of ground to cover there.
The pig stuff is cool. Easy to kill makes me feel better about it.
Is it gonna be weird if I ask about the specifying humans thing?

[aelwyn_aberration]

Oh, I'm an elf. High elf, specifically. We're close to humans in practice, but I'm immortal and more magic than you. And I have sharper ears.

[haircaring]

Right. My elf experience is all pretty Christmas based. But they're also immortal and magic, so.

That sounds cool?

[aelwyn_aberration]

Ah yes, the elves enslaved by the lich of the north pole.

I'm familiar.

[haircaring]

[ A pause roughly the length of a guy who was taking a drink of water when he read that and lived to regret his choice. ]

Are you

Hold on are you serious? You're from a world where Santa's a real thing but he's just an asshole with elf slaves?

[aelwyn_aberration]

No. I just think your mythologies surrounding this fat human sound deeply sinister - like the workings of a lich who created a capitalist empire off the backs of elves and monitors the entire world through some snow orb or whatever.

It's insane. If an old man came through my chimney, I would shoot him in the head.