Luka Kovač [ER] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cuttypie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
apocalypsehowcomm2022-07-02 04:09 pm
cuttypie) wrote in apocalypsehowcomm2022-07-02 04:09 pm
I see a red door
Who: Luka Kovač and you!
When: July
Where: ADI and around town
Summary: Luka begins his delightful journey as an Avatar to the Stranger
Warnings: Hallucinations, disassociation, Addiction and related themes, blood, injections, body horror, blood-borne/sexually transmitted illness, body dysmorphia, panic attacks and visceral descriptions of them, medical themes, terminology, injections, and procedures, PTSD, trauma, potential talk of war, violence, family/child death, self harm references, suicidal ideation
[Note: This concludes the following player plot where Luka and Ade have been trying to use Ade's blood for healing secretly. Luka will swear anyone to secrecy if they discover what they're doing here because they can't let ADI find out, or if anyone suspects he's an Avatar. Luka has 2 new Stranger powers and you can opt in here.]
He thought maybe it would be more ceremonial or something.
Or that there would be some kind of scary, ominous forshadowing, like in the movies.
A peal of thunder, a cold chill, maybe music dramatically rising in the background.
Or maybe that it would hurt, somehow. Or some dark scary force would swirl around him dramatically, also like in the movies.
But it wasn't like that at all.
He's not sure how it even started, really.
He's back from a long walk at night, back in Gloucester, to get some air and clear his head. He's decided to move to Bonnie's Flophouse upon their return from Wolf Pen. Luka grabs a toothbrush to take to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
It's been bad lately, and not just because of his conversation with Carter. Knowing that he has this weird ability, taking other people's fear for his own, and then looking like what they fear, knowing that an Entity had taken notice of him and gifted--no, cursed him with...already he was having a difficult time even after the effects of the c'nataat debacle, as much as he wanted to keep dosing it was having an extraordinary effect on his mind. Or at least, a bad extraordinary effect. Too many times he felt like he was being twisted apart, torn apart and remade, alien DNA overwriting his own, feeling like he was losing himself.
Maybe he was trying to find himself out there.
He glances up as he's about to put toothpaste on his brush, and frowns. The mirror is cracked in several places.
It's...odd.
It's like every reflection he sees of himself doesn't look like him. There's five Lukas there and none of them look like him. Or do they?
Oh, God. Was he just not able to recognize his own face? He drops the toothbrush and it clatters to the floor, pressing a hand to the mirror, rubbing his eyes desperately. Maybe he's just tired?
Or maybe it was his...ability working against him, scaring him because that's just what entities did, that's how they worked.
"What do you want from me, huh!?" he yells out loud, throwing his hands up. "You've had your fun! I'm scared, all right!? Is that what you want?"
The hims in the mirror seem to move, just slightly, each one in a different direction, each one looking like but not quite like himself. It's maddening, seeing oneself like that, seeing them move, seeing how unnatural it is.
He almost wants to laugh. Or maybe he's going to cry.
"I'm tired of it. This fear, that's what you--you things do, all you want is to consume, to hurt people. I don't want to hurt people anymore!"
But you're not hurting people.
It's like it's his voice. Or maybe it's himself, telling himself this. Or maybe he's speaking to himself, but it seems to be coming from the mirror.
You're saving them from other fears and replacing them with a controllable one.
His reflection...s move, shift, one looks like a banshee and another looks like a shadow, another looks like him with a too-large grin full of sharp teeth and another one looks like a mannequin, moving in a stilted, jarring fashion.
It's terrifying. He knows he's probably hallucinating somehow.
Or at least he really hopes it's all in his head.
He's so angry because it makes sense.
"And what? You're going to use me to steal fear from everyone else?"
You saw what happened in Wolf Pen. You saw how dangerous those other Avatars are, those other Entities. You can control this. You can steal their fears, weaken them, starve out the others. How dangerous is this, really?
One of his reflections laughs with a maw full of sharp teeth.
What's a little scare when it comes down to saving the world?
Luka hangs his head, hating this, hating how much it makes sense, hating how he knows it's going against everything that Carter wanted him to do. How can he do this? He knows what happened to Katie Dunn, how ADI treated her, how twisted she had become, he'd seen it all first hand. What if that happens to himself?
"I can't..." he shakes his head.
You really are going to give up something that can protect the ones you love?
His head shoots up at that, staring at the mocking faces that are both his own and very much not.
"Don't you dare bring love into this. You're trying to manipulate me."
You're trying to manipulate yourself. Because you already know you've made up your mind. You've made the decision.
Luka's hands slide on the edge of the mirror, feeling both utterly weak and like a heavy weight is settling on his shoulders.
"I can't..."
He wishes he never came to this cursed world.
A hand reaches out through the mirror, broken and twisted like it was made out of broken glass. Luka stares at it, dully.
It's your choice.
Maybe it wasn't enough, with the c'nataat. The loophole had to be bigger. If he can be in there, on the inside of things, maybe they'll have a chance. A much better chance than the one they had. If he can keep the Stranger full and happy, there'd be no need for the Stranger to have a Katie or Deepthi. If they can't take out the Entities, then maybe they can mitigate the damage.
He reaches out for the mirror-hand, and grasps it. He feels so cold.
His reflections grin...then drag him through the mirror.
A.
[Everything is different. The world feels different. Or maybe it's him. Maybe he's just different.
And he's hungry.
Even his ability feels different--now he's seeking out feelings of fear, able to pinpoint it in a crowd like a shark sensing blood miles away.
It's morning and there's not too many people out here on the street, and he's certainly not going to make a scene or give ADI anything to hunt.
Besides, how can they hunt him if they don't even know who he is?
There's a young man on his phone, standing at a corner near a coffee shop, furiously typing something. Luka casually stops, the fear practically a banner in the sky above his head.]
You all right?
[The young man shakes his head, either a little annoyed by a stranger's approach or just irritated by being interrupted.]
No. Sorry, it's just...a bad breakup, that's all.
[Luka smiles.]
Yeah, I know how that is. It doesn't just hurt, it's a little scary, isn't it? Being alone?
[Finally, he looks up, a little confused.]
...uh, sure? Why do you care?
[Luka's smile is just a little too sharp. Maybe a little too wide.]
Because I can help you with that. I can make it so you're not afraid of being alone.
[There's a pause.]
Really? How? That's impossible.
[Something shadowy moves across Luka's face, and the young man yelps when suddenly the friendly figure twists into something undefinable, but monstrous, something from his nightmares, maybe.
There's so much fear. And then Luka moves his hand and the screaming stops, the young man looking bewildered, panting, but utterly confused because he suddenly has no memory of...what just scared him. And Luka simply gets up and walks way, another stranger in the crowd.]
B. For Carter -
[He sends him a message for him to meet him at his new room in Bonnie's.
We have to talk.
He knows that maybe this isn't the best idea. That he shouldn't tell Carter--what if he gets so angry he does tell ADI? But he's not sure he can keep going on without anyone knowing. What if being an Avatar has done something to his...physiology? Wouldn't it make sense that at least one doctor knew about it?
Or maybe it was just the guilt. The never-ending guilt that maybe he made the wrong decision, that he was making mistake after mistake...
Or maybe it was just because it was Carter and he couldn't bear to not let him know.
He couldn't bear lying to him.
Luka waits, anxiously, pacing in his room for him to arrive.
It'll be fine.
He's sure it'll be fine.]
C. More prompts under construction
When: July
Where: ADI and around town
Summary: Luka begins his delightful journey as an Avatar to the Stranger
Warnings: Hallucinations, disassociation, Addiction and related themes, blood, injections, body horror, blood-borne/sexually transmitted illness, body dysmorphia, panic attacks and visceral descriptions of them, medical themes, terminology, injections, and procedures, PTSD, trauma, potential talk of war, violence, family/child death, self harm references, suicidal ideation
[Note: This concludes the following player plot where Luka and Ade have been trying to use Ade's blood for healing secretly. Luka will swear anyone to secrecy if they discover what they're doing here because they can't let ADI find out, or if anyone suspects he's an Avatar. Luka has 2 new Stranger powers and you can opt in here.]
He thought maybe it would be more ceremonial or something.
Or that there would be some kind of scary, ominous forshadowing, like in the movies.
A peal of thunder, a cold chill, maybe music dramatically rising in the background.
Or maybe that it would hurt, somehow. Or some dark scary force would swirl around him dramatically, also like in the movies.
But it wasn't like that at all.
He's not sure how it even started, really.
He's back from a long walk at night, back in Gloucester, to get some air and clear his head. He's decided to move to Bonnie's Flophouse upon their return from Wolf Pen. Luka grabs a toothbrush to take to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
It's been bad lately, and not just because of his conversation with Carter. Knowing that he has this weird ability, taking other people's fear for his own, and then looking like what they fear, knowing that an Entity had taken notice of him and gifted--no, cursed him with...already he was having a difficult time even after the effects of the c'nataat debacle, as much as he wanted to keep dosing it was having an extraordinary effect on his mind. Or at least, a bad extraordinary effect. Too many times he felt like he was being twisted apart, torn apart and remade, alien DNA overwriting his own, feeling like he was losing himself.
Maybe he was trying to find himself out there.
He glances up as he's about to put toothpaste on his brush, and frowns. The mirror is cracked in several places.
It's...odd.
It's like every reflection he sees of himself doesn't look like him. There's five Lukas there and none of them look like him. Or do they?
Oh, God. Was he just not able to recognize his own face? He drops the toothbrush and it clatters to the floor, pressing a hand to the mirror, rubbing his eyes desperately. Maybe he's just tired?
Or maybe it was his...ability working against him, scaring him because that's just what entities did, that's how they worked.
"What do you want from me, huh!?" he yells out loud, throwing his hands up. "You've had your fun! I'm scared, all right!? Is that what you want?"
The hims in the mirror seem to move, just slightly, each one in a different direction, each one looking like but not quite like himself. It's maddening, seeing oneself like that, seeing them move, seeing how unnatural it is.
He almost wants to laugh. Or maybe he's going to cry.
"I'm tired of it. This fear, that's what you--you things do, all you want is to consume, to hurt people. I don't want to hurt people anymore!"
But you're not hurting people.
It's like it's his voice. Or maybe it's himself, telling himself this. Or maybe he's speaking to himself, but it seems to be coming from the mirror.
You're saving them from other fears and replacing them with a controllable one.
His reflection...s move, shift, one looks like a banshee and another looks like a shadow, another looks like him with a too-large grin full of sharp teeth and another one looks like a mannequin, moving in a stilted, jarring fashion.
It's terrifying. He knows he's probably hallucinating somehow.
Or at least he really hopes it's all in his head.
He's so angry because it makes sense.
"And what? You're going to use me to steal fear from everyone else?"
You saw what happened in Wolf Pen. You saw how dangerous those other Avatars are, those other Entities. You can control this. You can steal their fears, weaken them, starve out the others. How dangerous is this, really?
One of his reflections laughs with a maw full of sharp teeth.
What's a little scare when it comes down to saving the world?
Luka hangs his head, hating this, hating how much it makes sense, hating how he knows it's going against everything that Carter wanted him to do. How can he do this? He knows what happened to Katie Dunn, how ADI treated her, how twisted she had become, he'd seen it all first hand. What if that happens to himself?
"I can't..." he shakes his head.
You really are going to give up something that can protect the ones you love?
His head shoots up at that, staring at the mocking faces that are both his own and very much not.
"Don't you dare bring love into this. You're trying to manipulate me."
You're trying to manipulate yourself. Because you already know you've made up your mind. You've made the decision.
Luka's hands slide on the edge of the mirror, feeling both utterly weak and like a heavy weight is settling on his shoulders.
"I can't..."
He wishes he never came to this cursed world.
A hand reaches out through the mirror, broken and twisted like it was made out of broken glass. Luka stares at it, dully.
It's your choice.
Maybe it wasn't enough, with the c'nataat. The loophole had to be bigger. If he can be in there, on the inside of things, maybe they'll have a chance. A much better chance than the one they had. If he can keep the Stranger full and happy, there'd be no need for the Stranger to have a Katie or Deepthi. If they can't take out the Entities, then maybe they can mitigate the damage.
He reaches out for the mirror-hand, and grasps it. He feels so cold.
His reflections grin...then drag him through the mirror.
A.
[Everything is different. The world feels different. Or maybe it's him. Maybe he's just different.
And he's hungry.
Even his ability feels different--now he's seeking out feelings of fear, able to pinpoint it in a crowd like a shark sensing blood miles away.
It's morning and there's not too many people out here on the street, and he's certainly not going to make a scene or give ADI anything to hunt.
Besides, how can they hunt him if they don't even know who he is?
There's a young man on his phone, standing at a corner near a coffee shop, furiously typing something. Luka casually stops, the fear practically a banner in the sky above his head.]
You all right?
[The young man shakes his head, either a little annoyed by a stranger's approach or just irritated by being interrupted.]
No. Sorry, it's just...a bad breakup, that's all.
[Luka smiles.]
Yeah, I know how that is. It doesn't just hurt, it's a little scary, isn't it? Being alone?
[Finally, he looks up, a little confused.]
...uh, sure? Why do you care?
[Luka's smile is just a little too sharp. Maybe a little too wide.]
Because I can help you with that. I can make it so you're not afraid of being alone.
[There's a pause.]
Really? How? That's impossible.
[Something shadowy moves across Luka's face, and the young man yelps when suddenly the friendly figure twists into something undefinable, but monstrous, something from his nightmares, maybe.
There's so much fear. And then Luka moves his hand and the screaming stops, the young man looking bewildered, panting, but utterly confused because he suddenly has no memory of...what just scared him. And Luka simply gets up and walks way, another stranger in the crowd.]
B. For Carter -
[He sends him a message for him to meet him at his new room in Bonnie's.
We have to talk.
He knows that maybe this isn't the best idea. That he shouldn't tell Carter--what if he gets so angry he does tell ADI? But he's not sure he can keep going on without anyone knowing. What if being an Avatar has done something to his...physiology? Wouldn't it make sense that at least one doctor knew about it?
Or maybe it was just the guilt. The never-ending guilt that maybe he made the wrong decision, that he was making mistake after mistake...
Or maybe it was just because it was Carter and he couldn't bear to not let him know.
He couldn't bear lying to him.
Luka waits, anxiously, pacing in his room for him to arrive.
It'll be fine.
He's sure it'll be fine.]
C. More prompts under construction
no subject
[He tilts his head, and it's almost inhuman, his movements, his detachment, his curiosity.]
But I do not hurt them. They don't remember me. It's funny, I didn't realize I could do that.
[There's a small laugh. Isn't that neat?]
no subject
It's funny, Luka says about tampering with people's memories, like it's nothing. Like it's neat.]
I... didn't realize you could do that either.
[Magic that affects the hippocampus? Maybe he could ask around town, convince people to come in for a brain scan. But how to find them?]
How are you getting any fear if they don't remember?
[Facts. He needs facts. He can focus on the facts. Because if he doesn't he's going to scream and he's not sure he'll be able to stop.]
no subject
[It's a mercy, don't you see? He's being kind.
He moves his hand from his face back to his hands.]
They look at me and see...terrible things.
[His voice trails off, as if he's taking a step back and realizing what's been happening.]
I have been so...so many terrible things.
no subject
He shouldn't have left him out of his sight. Should have told ADI there was still some leftover residue of Dunn's influence and chained him to a damn hospital bed.
But it seems as if he is reaching him, at least somewhat.]
And how does that make you feel?
[He squeezes his hands gently. Or maybe he just needs something to do to keep his own hands from trembling.]
Do you want to be terrible things?
no subject
[It sounds like he's almost pleading now.]
But I didn't really have a choice, even though I chose.
This is the best way, don't you see? I can steal fear that would have fed the others. The fear gets changed, becomes fear only for the Stranger. It's, it's going to be satisfied, it won't need to do things, like what the others did...
cw: addiction
[Carter raises his hand, almost touching his face again but the memory of that sharp smile makes him reach around to place it on the back of his head instead.
He suddenly feels sick because he knows this. That circular argument. Convincing yourself that you're figuring it out. That you're in control.]
What if it's never going to be satisfied? What if it only wants more and more and more...
cw: addiction
[What if it was lying to him?
What if Carter's right?]
I don't know.
It...it has to work. It's working, I know it is...
no subject
[He tries to keep his voice gentle, less confrontative than last time even though a part of him wants to slap him and shake him and scream at him.]
So you keep going. So you scare more and more people.
no subject
[It's disturbing, the thought. It means all of this, everything that he had sacrificed, given up, marked on his soul...it would have been all for naught.
He shakes his head.]
But it can't be. I know this is working.
It has to.
[Please, it has to.]
no subject
If it isn't...
[He's not saying that it isn't but if it isn't.]
... wouldn't it be better to stop now? Before anyone else gets hurt?
no subject
...isn't Carter right? Wouldn't it be better to stop now?]
I...I can't stop.
I get weak if I don't...
[It's hard to explain. How can he explain? He clutches at Carter's hand.]
It wants me to keep doing it.
no subject
[Carter's ears prick up at that. That's new. That could be important.]
What do you mean, weak? Like going hungry? You mentioned being hungry.
[It makes sense. They talk about feeding. And what if you stopped doing that? You starve.
But what would starve? Whatever has taken hold of Luka... or Luka along with it?]
no subject
[He nods, a little more forcefully. You get it, don't you? You understand what happens.]
I get so weak. Like I haven't eaten. It feels like I haven't eaten...
no subject
[Perfidious. It's almost like...
It's almost like addiction.]
What about when you have eaten? How does that feel?
no subject
[It's good that he's so understanding, that he realizes...
Luka shakes his head, looking troubled.]
No, it doesn't seem to affect it. I eat food and I'm full but it's not the same...it's a different kind of hunger. Like a second hunger.
no subject
[Somehow, that's a relief. It's such a stupid, mundane thing but it tells him that Luka is still human and not some ghostly... fear thrall or whatever Avatars might turn into. It makes it easier to look at this as some kind of condition instead of supernatural horror because the former helps him to keep a level head and not start throwing things.
A second hunger. He knows that feeling all too well too.]
That must be... difficult. Scary. What does it feel like after you've... done... this? After you scared someone?
no subject
[He's not sure why it's important but it seems to be, at least it's something that Carter is concerned about.]
I feel...
...better. Full. Happy. I can feel the fear...like I'm eating it or drinking it.
And it's delicious.
no subject
And now you wanna do that to me.
[There's a dull ache at that thought that he has to push far, far down because he can't even start to unpack that right now. Or maybe ever. There's a sudden hatred like bile in the back of his throat, at this world, at magic, at Entities that ruined people and people's lives and the lives of those around them.]
... Would you let me do a check-up after? I could take some readings, draw some blood, see what this is actually doing to you.
[There. That's something good and scientific and detached to focus on to not pay attention to the absolute disaster taking place in his heart.]
no subject
[It's perfectly a-matter-of-fact, like he's just talking about the weather. As if it's just some casual thing.]
Of course. That's a good idea, I'm kind of curious about it myself.
[He holds his hand again, offering a wan smile.
It looks...normal. Just a normal smile, surprisingly enough.]
It won't hurt. I can even take away the memory of the moment it happens if you want me to. You'll be fine.
no subject
Because that's not Luka. That's not what Luka would have done, said, meant. There's something else there, something strange, something that is not him and it's killing him.]
No.
[He shakes his head, clenching his hands against his legs.]
Don't take it away. I wanna know what happens. I wanna know what it's doing to me.
[What you're doing to him.]
no subject
All right. I won't take it away.
[He smiles, reaching for his face briefly again. His touch is so soft, so gentle, before he withdraws his hand.]
Are you ready?
no subject
Luka touches his face and it's so soft Carter almost crumbles.
He doesn't trust himself to speak so he just presses his lips together and nods.]
no subject
He's ready.
And there's so much fear.
It's so easy to take.
He finally lets go, letting the monster take over.
He holds Carter's hand, as his face shifts, changing, becoming blurry and sharp and--
...turning into something that would scare Carter.]
cw: blood, ptsd
But then his face shifts and it gets worse.
So much worse.
Suddenly it isn't Luka sitting there, but Sobriki, his face angry, unhinged. Yelling. Brandishing a knife. For a moment it's almost absurd and Carter sits frozen before he is suddenly overcome by a rushing panic.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
He suddenly jumps, trying to back away, his eyes wide.
There's blood on the floor. There's music thundering in his head.
There's absolute terror in his heart.]
cw: blood, ptsd
No, no, no, no, no, no, no--
He can't, not with Carter, never Carter--
--but it's too late.
The fear is there and it's amazing.
He takes it, feeds off of it, like it's in the air around them, as if he can just absorb it by his mere presence. It's so much--
--Carter is so scared.
It's exquisite.
Delicious.
And he's scared of him.
...he's scared of him.
It doesn't take much to put two and two together, what Carter would be afraid of, what's happening to him, the movements he's making, the yelling--Luka realizes what he looks like.
Who he looks like.
No.
Luka puts a hand on a table, shaking his head, trying desperately to shake his appearance off. It twists and shifts, flickering across his skin, before his original self appears once more.
Oh, God.
He stares, mouth opening and closing, realizing what he's done.]
...Carter?
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
(no subject)
cw: needles, blood
(no subject)
(no subject)