Luka Kovač [ER] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cuttypie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
apocalypsehowcomm2022-07-02 04:09 pm
cuttypie) wrote in apocalypsehowcomm2022-07-02 04:09 pm
I see a red door
Who: Luka Kovač and you!
When: July
Where: ADI and around town
Summary: Luka begins his delightful journey as an Avatar to the Stranger
Warnings: Hallucinations, disassociation, Addiction and related themes, blood, injections, body horror, blood-borne/sexually transmitted illness, body dysmorphia, panic attacks and visceral descriptions of them, medical themes, terminology, injections, and procedures, PTSD, trauma, potential talk of war, violence, family/child death, self harm references, suicidal ideation
[Note: This concludes the following player plot where Luka and Ade have been trying to use Ade's blood for healing secretly. Luka will swear anyone to secrecy if they discover what they're doing here because they can't let ADI find out, or if anyone suspects he's an Avatar. Luka has 2 new Stranger powers and you can opt in here.]
He thought maybe it would be more ceremonial or something.
Or that there would be some kind of scary, ominous forshadowing, like in the movies.
A peal of thunder, a cold chill, maybe music dramatically rising in the background.
Or maybe that it would hurt, somehow. Or some dark scary force would swirl around him dramatically, also like in the movies.
But it wasn't like that at all.
He's not sure how it even started, really.
He's back from a long walk at night, back in Gloucester, to get some air and clear his head. He's decided to move to Bonnie's Flophouse upon their return from Wolf Pen. Luka grabs a toothbrush to take to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
It's been bad lately, and not just because of his conversation with Carter. Knowing that he has this weird ability, taking other people's fear for his own, and then looking like what they fear, knowing that an Entity had taken notice of him and gifted--no, cursed him with...already he was having a difficult time even after the effects of the c'nataat debacle, as much as he wanted to keep dosing it was having an extraordinary effect on his mind. Or at least, a bad extraordinary effect. Too many times he felt like he was being twisted apart, torn apart and remade, alien DNA overwriting his own, feeling like he was losing himself.
Maybe he was trying to find himself out there.
He glances up as he's about to put toothpaste on his brush, and frowns. The mirror is cracked in several places.
It's...odd.
It's like every reflection he sees of himself doesn't look like him. There's five Lukas there and none of them look like him. Or do they?
Oh, God. Was he just not able to recognize his own face? He drops the toothbrush and it clatters to the floor, pressing a hand to the mirror, rubbing his eyes desperately. Maybe he's just tired?
Or maybe it was his...ability working against him, scaring him because that's just what entities did, that's how they worked.
"What do you want from me, huh!?" he yells out loud, throwing his hands up. "You've had your fun! I'm scared, all right!? Is that what you want?"
The hims in the mirror seem to move, just slightly, each one in a different direction, each one looking like but not quite like himself. It's maddening, seeing oneself like that, seeing them move, seeing how unnatural it is.
He almost wants to laugh. Or maybe he's going to cry.
"I'm tired of it. This fear, that's what you--you things do, all you want is to consume, to hurt people. I don't want to hurt people anymore!"
But you're not hurting people.
It's like it's his voice. Or maybe it's himself, telling himself this. Or maybe he's speaking to himself, but it seems to be coming from the mirror.
You're saving them from other fears and replacing them with a controllable one.
His reflection...s move, shift, one looks like a banshee and another looks like a shadow, another looks like him with a too-large grin full of sharp teeth and another one looks like a mannequin, moving in a stilted, jarring fashion.
It's terrifying. He knows he's probably hallucinating somehow.
Or at least he really hopes it's all in his head.
He's so angry because it makes sense.
"And what? You're going to use me to steal fear from everyone else?"
You saw what happened in Wolf Pen. You saw how dangerous those other Avatars are, those other Entities. You can control this. You can steal their fears, weaken them, starve out the others. How dangerous is this, really?
One of his reflections laughs with a maw full of sharp teeth.
What's a little scare when it comes down to saving the world?
Luka hangs his head, hating this, hating how much it makes sense, hating how he knows it's going against everything that Carter wanted him to do. How can he do this? He knows what happened to Katie Dunn, how ADI treated her, how twisted she had become, he'd seen it all first hand. What if that happens to himself?
"I can't..." he shakes his head.
You really are going to give up something that can protect the ones you love?
His head shoots up at that, staring at the mocking faces that are both his own and very much not.
"Don't you dare bring love into this. You're trying to manipulate me."
You're trying to manipulate yourself. Because you already know you've made up your mind. You've made the decision.
Luka's hands slide on the edge of the mirror, feeling both utterly weak and like a heavy weight is settling on his shoulders.
"I can't..."
He wishes he never came to this cursed world.
A hand reaches out through the mirror, broken and twisted like it was made out of broken glass. Luka stares at it, dully.
It's your choice.
Maybe it wasn't enough, with the c'nataat. The loophole had to be bigger. If he can be in there, on the inside of things, maybe they'll have a chance. A much better chance than the one they had. If he can keep the Stranger full and happy, there'd be no need for the Stranger to have a Katie or Deepthi. If they can't take out the Entities, then maybe they can mitigate the damage.
He reaches out for the mirror-hand, and grasps it. He feels so cold.
His reflections grin...then drag him through the mirror.
A.
[Everything is different. The world feels different. Or maybe it's him. Maybe he's just different.
And he's hungry.
Even his ability feels different--now he's seeking out feelings of fear, able to pinpoint it in a crowd like a shark sensing blood miles away.
It's morning and there's not too many people out here on the street, and he's certainly not going to make a scene or give ADI anything to hunt.
Besides, how can they hunt him if they don't even know who he is?
There's a young man on his phone, standing at a corner near a coffee shop, furiously typing something. Luka casually stops, the fear practically a banner in the sky above his head.]
You all right?
[The young man shakes his head, either a little annoyed by a stranger's approach or just irritated by being interrupted.]
No. Sorry, it's just...a bad breakup, that's all.
[Luka smiles.]
Yeah, I know how that is. It doesn't just hurt, it's a little scary, isn't it? Being alone?
[Finally, he looks up, a little confused.]
...uh, sure? Why do you care?
[Luka's smile is just a little too sharp. Maybe a little too wide.]
Because I can help you with that. I can make it so you're not afraid of being alone.
[There's a pause.]
Really? How? That's impossible.
[Something shadowy moves across Luka's face, and the young man yelps when suddenly the friendly figure twists into something undefinable, but monstrous, something from his nightmares, maybe.
There's so much fear. And then Luka moves his hand and the screaming stops, the young man looking bewildered, panting, but utterly confused because he suddenly has no memory of...what just scared him. And Luka simply gets up and walks way, another stranger in the crowd.]
B. For Carter -
[He sends him a message for him to meet him at his new room in Bonnie's.
We have to talk.
He knows that maybe this isn't the best idea. That he shouldn't tell Carter--what if he gets so angry he does tell ADI? But he's not sure he can keep going on without anyone knowing. What if being an Avatar has done something to his...physiology? Wouldn't it make sense that at least one doctor knew about it?
Or maybe it was just the guilt. The never-ending guilt that maybe he made the wrong decision, that he was making mistake after mistake...
Or maybe it was just because it was Carter and he couldn't bear to not let him know.
He couldn't bear lying to him.
Luka waits, anxiously, pacing in his room for him to arrive.
It'll be fine.
He's sure it'll be fine.]
C. More prompts under construction
When: July
Where: ADI and around town
Summary: Luka begins his delightful journey as an Avatar to the Stranger
Warnings: Hallucinations, disassociation, Addiction and related themes, blood, injections, body horror, blood-borne/sexually transmitted illness, body dysmorphia, panic attacks and visceral descriptions of them, medical themes, terminology, injections, and procedures, PTSD, trauma, potential talk of war, violence, family/child death, self harm references, suicidal ideation
[Note: This concludes the following player plot where Luka and Ade have been trying to use Ade's blood for healing secretly. Luka will swear anyone to secrecy if they discover what they're doing here because they can't let ADI find out, or if anyone suspects he's an Avatar. Luka has 2 new Stranger powers and you can opt in here.]
He thought maybe it would be more ceremonial or something.
Or that there would be some kind of scary, ominous forshadowing, like in the movies.
A peal of thunder, a cold chill, maybe music dramatically rising in the background.
Or maybe that it would hurt, somehow. Or some dark scary force would swirl around him dramatically, also like in the movies.
But it wasn't like that at all.
He's not sure how it even started, really.
He's back from a long walk at night, back in Gloucester, to get some air and clear his head. He's decided to move to Bonnie's Flophouse upon their return from Wolf Pen. Luka grabs a toothbrush to take to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
It's been bad lately, and not just because of his conversation with Carter. Knowing that he has this weird ability, taking other people's fear for his own, and then looking like what they fear, knowing that an Entity had taken notice of him and gifted--no, cursed him with...already he was having a difficult time even after the effects of the c'nataat debacle, as much as he wanted to keep dosing it was having an extraordinary effect on his mind. Or at least, a bad extraordinary effect. Too many times he felt like he was being twisted apart, torn apart and remade, alien DNA overwriting his own, feeling like he was losing himself.
Maybe he was trying to find himself out there.
He glances up as he's about to put toothpaste on his brush, and frowns. The mirror is cracked in several places.
It's...odd.
It's like every reflection he sees of himself doesn't look like him. There's five Lukas there and none of them look like him. Or do they?
Oh, God. Was he just not able to recognize his own face? He drops the toothbrush and it clatters to the floor, pressing a hand to the mirror, rubbing his eyes desperately. Maybe he's just tired?
Or maybe it was his...ability working against him, scaring him because that's just what entities did, that's how they worked.
"What do you want from me, huh!?" he yells out loud, throwing his hands up. "You've had your fun! I'm scared, all right!? Is that what you want?"
The hims in the mirror seem to move, just slightly, each one in a different direction, each one looking like but not quite like himself. It's maddening, seeing oneself like that, seeing them move, seeing how unnatural it is.
He almost wants to laugh. Or maybe he's going to cry.
"I'm tired of it. This fear, that's what you--you things do, all you want is to consume, to hurt people. I don't want to hurt people anymore!"
But you're not hurting people.
It's like it's his voice. Or maybe it's himself, telling himself this. Or maybe he's speaking to himself, but it seems to be coming from the mirror.
You're saving them from other fears and replacing them with a controllable one.
His reflection...s move, shift, one looks like a banshee and another looks like a shadow, another looks like him with a too-large grin full of sharp teeth and another one looks like a mannequin, moving in a stilted, jarring fashion.
It's terrifying. He knows he's probably hallucinating somehow.
Or at least he really hopes it's all in his head.
He's so angry because it makes sense.
"And what? You're going to use me to steal fear from everyone else?"
You saw what happened in Wolf Pen. You saw how dangerous those other Avatars are, those other Entities. You can control this. You can steal their fears, weaken them, starve out the others. How dangerous is this, really?
One of his reflections laughs with a maw full of sharp teeth.
What's a little scare when it comes down to saving the world?
Luka hangs his head, hating this, hating how much it makes sense, hating how he knows it's going against everything that Carter wanted him to do. How can he do this? He knows what happened to Katie Dunn, how ADI treated her, how twisted she had become, he'd seen it all first hand. What if that happens to himself?
"I can't..." he shakes his head.
You really are going to give up something that can protect the ones you love?
His head shoots up at that, staring at the mocking faces that are both his own and very much not.
"Don't you dare bring love into this. You're trying to manipulate me."
You're trying to manipulate yourself. Because you already know you've made up your mind. You've made the decision.
Luka's hands slide on the edge of the mirror, feeling both utterly weak and like a heavy weight is settling on his shoulders.
"I can't..."
He wishes he never came to this cursed world.
A hand reaches out through the mirror, broken and twisted like it was made out of broken glass. Luka stares at it, dully.
It's your choice.
Maybe it wasn't enough, with the c'nataat. The loophole had to be bigger. If he can be in there, on the inside of things, maybe they'll have a chance. A much better chance than the one they had. If he can keep the Stranger full and happy, there'd be no need for the Stranger to have a Katie or Deepthi. If they can't take out the Entities, then maybe they can mitigate the damage.
He reaches out for the mirror-hand, and grasps it. He feels so cold.
His reflections grin...then drag him through the mirror.
A.
[Everything is different. The world feels different. Or maybe it's him. Maybe he's just different.
And he's hungry.
Even his ability feels different--now he's seeking out feelings of fear, able to pinpoint it in a crowd like a shark sensing blood miles away.
It's morning and there's not too many people out here on the street, and he's certainly not going to make a scene or give ADI anything to hunt.
Besides, how can they hunt him if they don't even know who he is?
There's a young man on his phone, standing at a corner near a coffee shop, furiously typing something. Luka casually stops, the fear practically a banner in the sky above his head.]
You all right?
[The young man shakes his head, either a little annoyed by a stranger's approach or just irritated by being interrupted.]
No. Sorry, it's just...a bad breakup, that's all.
[Luka smiles.]
Yeah, I know how that is. It doesn't just hurt, it's a little scary, isn't it? Being alone?
[Finally, he looks up, a little confused.]
...uh, sure? Why do you care?
[Luka's smile is just a little too sharp. Maybe a little too wide.]
Because I can help you with that. I can make it so you're not afraid of being alone.
[There's a pause.]
Really? How? That's impossible.
[Something shadowy moves across Luka's face, and the young man yelps when suddenly the friendly figure twists into something undefinable, but monstrous, something from his nightmares, maybe.
There's so much fear. And then Luka moves his hand and the screaming stops, the young man looking bewildered, panting, but utterly confused because he suddenly has no memory of...what just scared him. And Luka simply gets up and walks way, another stranger in the crowd.]
B. For Carter -
[He sends him a message for him to meet him at his new room in Bonnie's.
We have to talk.
He knows that maybe this isn't the best idea. That he shouldn't tell Carter--what if he gets so angry he does tell ADI? But he's not sure he can keep going on without anyone knowing. What if being an Avatar has done something to his...physiology? Wouldn't it make sense that at least one doctor knew about it?
Or maybe it was just the guilt. The never-ending guilt that maybe he made the wrong decision, that he was making mistake after mistake...
Or maybe it was just because it was Carter and he couldn't bear to not let him know.
He couldn't bear lying to him.
Luka waits, anxiously, pacing in his room for him to arrive.
It'll be fine.
He's sure it'll be fine.]
C. More prompts under construction
b.
But he also realizes it's exactly because of that Luka shouldn't be at the headquarters - at least until this whole c'nataat debacle is over. If anyone at ADI gets suspicious-- still. He doesn't like it.
He also doesn't like that text message and he really hopes Luka just needs a stern talking about how not to freak people out via text.
We have to talk.
For once he wishes Luka would use one of those dumb emoticons.
It's fine. He's fine. Ade told him he'd revert back to normal. The Stranger would lose interest, Carter would keep him away from patients and keep a close eye on him until them and that's that. That's what was going to happen.
Still.
There's a sense of unease - fear - in the pit of his stomach and he angrily pushes it down.]
You'd like that, wouldn't you. Sitting in your dimensions, rubbing your hands. Or whatever else you have.
[He mutters to himself as he walks up the stairs and finds Luka's door, rapping gently against it.]
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And his fear.
He could sense the fear coming closer, and the monstrous part of him is delighted, eagerly waiting for him to approach.
He's horrified by that and tries to squash it, tries to put it aside.
Not Carter. Never Carter.
He takes a deep breath and opens the door.]
Hey. Come in.
[Nothing seems amiss at first. His room, while sparse and not that great, doesn't seem to be wildly messy.
Even Luka himself looks...normal, really, just a bit tired, with dark circles around his eyes.
At least for the most part.
Maybe his reflection in the mirror isn't quite...right. Maybe out of the corner of one's eye Luka doesn't look quite...right, either. Or maybe he's just too still, his movements a little off.
It's probably nothing.]
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[Carter enters, eyes darting around the room, glad when nothing seems amiss and Luka seems to be living okay.
There is a lingering sense of unease, of things not being quite right but Carter knew about that before. Chalks it up to the parasite, to the time it will take for Luka's DNA to... revert back to normal, medically impossible as that is but that's magic for you.
But it's clean in here, there are no weird Stranger rituals taking place, it's not a bachelor's den that needs fuming and/or cauterizing. So that's good? It's good.
Things are good.
He walks into the room, slows, stops, arms by his side awkwardly.]
Got your text...
no subject
[Things look good.
But Luka rubs the side of his face, opening and closing his mouth, caught between his own fear and apprehension, and the fact that he needs to be honest, that he has to tell him.
Is there any easy way to put this? How can there possibly be?]
Are you, uh, doing okay?
[So maybe he's stalling a bit, too.]
no subject
[All things considered. It's the apocalypse. Things suck. The awkward arms rise and fall.]
I'm in one piece and I know that's a lot.
[What more can you wish for these days? He's traumatized but who isn't?]
Kinda wish they had meetings. Might start one. Feel like it could do a lot of people some good.
[Like you. He means you.]
no subject
[It's a genuine smile, genuine relief, and clear that he's been worried about him for some time.]
I just want to make sure you're okay.
[Please be okay after what he's going to tell you.]
Meetings? That would be good, I think.
[There's an awkward laugh. Surely he has nothing to do with such things.]
So I, ah. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you. About...
[He trails off.]
About what's been going on.
no subject
[Carter repeats it slowly, cautiously, searching his face.
Is there something wrong with his face? Must be the c'nan-- whatever, he won't ever remember that name right.]
Okay.
[He nods, encouragingly. Maybe Luka is willing to open up? That's... that's good, they can start work through all this. Carter remembers how long it took him to acknowledge what had happened to him, so...]
Let's talk. About what has been going on. About that.
no subject
[There is an extremely long pause.
Well.
Might as well rip the band-aid off.]
I think I have become an Avatar.
[He lets that sit for awhile, rubbing the side of his face again.
So yeah.
That's a thing that's happening.]
no subject
For a moment Carter doesn't quite react because it's somehow too absurd to register. Luka is saying the words but they don't make sense.]
No, you haven't.
[It's automatic, almost playful, like he's slapping him across the mouth. Stop being so silly.]
no subject
[Somehow it's more painful.
The denial, the automatic refusal to believe it.
Maybe it would have been better for him to be angry instantly, rather than this.
Because he knows what this is borne of.
Fear.]
no subject
Because that's the only possible answer here. No.
Because this is not happening.]
Look, I talked to Mr. Bennet. He told me that it takes a while for your DNA to reset, that's probably what you're feeling.
[He gestures at the bed for Luka to sit.]
I'll do another check-up. See what's going on.
no subject
This is something...different.
[It's awful, he can feel the monster in him responding to Carter.
Hungry.
Waiting for a meal of fear.
He sits on the bed dutifully, but he stares at Carter and there's something awful about it, like he's looking past him.]
It made so much sense. It still does, I guess. Taking fear so that the others can't have it? Mitigating the damage?
[It makes so much sense, right? Why does he feel like crying?]
I feed off them. Take away their fears and turn it into something else. Something manageable. That's not so bad.
no subject
[It's like he can feel a pressure headache coming up, like he can almost feel the deflection and deniability pressing down on his mind. He pushes them away expertly.]
Hey, calm down. You're just shaken from the whole experience. I'd be pretty shaken if I'd had a parasite in my head or wherever the hell it sat...
[He reaches out for his arm to take a pulse.]
I mean, of course there are going to be some long-term effects, we know nothing about this thing...
no subject
[He reaches out with his hand when Carter reaches for his arm.
His hand is trembling.]
I made...a choice, they heard me, it heard me, or maybe it was just me who heard me.
[He stares at Carter, wishing, willing for him to understand.]
Sometimes they forget about me, when I...hunt. I can make them forget about me. Nobody knows it's me.
[He's holding onto his hand very tightly now.]
They don't know who I am. And it's a good thing. But I'm so many things. And sometimes I don't know if I'm those things or if I'm me. What if I forget me? Maybe I'm not me.
You know who I am, right?
no subject
I made a choice, they heard me
He's not sure what exactly Luka means by that, what choice he is talking about, but for some reason, the word fills him with unspeakable dread. As if his body understands while his mind is still refusing to let that thought and knowledge enter.]
You're you.
[He squeezes his arm, leaning in to catch his gaze.]
Hey. Look at me. You're you and I know who you are.
[His hand moves up to cup his face.]
You're way too annoying to forget.
no subject
He knows him. He won't forget.
There's even almost a smile at that.
Almost.]
So you are saying I should be more annoying?
[He's still trembling.]
I'm sorry. I never wanted to be...maybe I shouldn't have asked you to come here. Maybe that's what it wants, it wants you, it knows how scared you are...
[The monster is so close.]
no subject
[There's even almost a smile at that.
Almost.
Except then Luka goes on rambling off all this worrying stuff and Carter frowns.]
Hey. Hey, hey, it's okay. We're gonna figure it out, all right? I've been doing a ton of research and I actually think we can use that to figure out how to neutralize different Entity threats and--
[And then Luka says it wants you and then Luka says it knows how scared you are and his blood runs cold.]
What? Who? The Stranger? Is he listening? You can tell him to go to hell, or wherever else he dwells, 'cause I'm not afraid.
[He's really afraid.]
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cw: addiction
cw: addiction
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cw: blood, ptsd
cw: blood, ptsd
cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
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cw: blood, ptsd, throwing up
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cw: needles, blood
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A.
Malcolm jogs to catch up to him.
"Luka. Hey." He looks back in the direction Luka came from. "Um. Did you know that guy?"
no subject
"Uh, no, I don't..."
He offers a friendly smile.
"Maybe he got some bad news on his phone or something."
no subject
Had he been holding a phone? Malcolm shrugs that thought off.
"How are you? I haven't seen you since that night in Wolf Pen."
no subject
That wasn't entirely a lie, right?
"I moved to Bonnie's, that's probably why you haven't seen me."
no subject
“You… moved to Bonnie’s? Oh. Do you still work in Medical at ADI?”
A, lmk if this doesn't work!
So it would be inappropriate to say she's stalking him, let's go with a budding Watcher keeping one eye his way, and maybe seeing if she can follow him once in a while. She doesn't quite catch what happens with him, her gaze locked on the expression that kid makes when he sees something, but she snaps out of it enough when he starts to make his exit.
Beau gets up from where she was waiting, and starts trailing him again, closer this time to make sure she's got the same guy who's now living downstairs.]
It's perfect!
But it couldn't hurt to scope out a few more people, maybe, for later. And if he so happened to chance upon a nice bit of fear, well, that would be lucky, wouldn't it?
Luka moves through the crowd, casually, carefully, just another face, another stranger, until he peels away and stands with his back against a building corner.
He stays there, hands in his pockets, and watches as people go by.]
hell yeah
She trails him into the crowd, loses him a moment, and then catches him stopped and waiting. Bingo. She slides to the other side of the corner, back to the wall a moment before she swings out and steps in front of him to 'conveniently' block a direct exit.]
Shit, sorry-- oh, hey. Luka, right? From Bonnie's?
[And if the introduction makes him feel a little extra Caught, well, her eyes are just eyes after all. Nothing weird about it.]