failedpromise (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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apocalypsehowcomm2022-06-20 08:50 am
failedpromise) wrote in apocalypsehowcomm2022-06-20 08:50 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Cortana and Tony
When: June, before event
Where: Howling Moon Inn
Summary: Cortana asks Tony to have another look at her code.
Warnings: Discussion of rampancy and its associated CWs (mental illness, mental degredation, memory loss, terminal illness, mistreatment of the mentally ill), extreme trauma, probable discussion of torture and nonsexual violation, possible mention of additional CWs which will be warned for if they come up.
It's time, Cortana thinks, to have another attempt at fixing her damaged code.
She's needed to do this for some time, really. She just ...it's not that she doesn't trust Tony. Quite the opposite, really. It's just... she doesn't want to.
Still, she needs his help. It'd be irresponsible and selfish to keep putting things off. She needs to do better.
She has to be better.
It's the start of the planning around the ritual that prompts her to finally send a text to Tony asking him to take another look at her code. If the stakes are as high as ADI says (and evidence suggests that they are), she needs to be in good shape for the upcoming battle.
She has to do this.
When: June, before event
Where: Howling Moon Inn
Summary: Cortana asks Tony to have another look at her code.
Warnings: Discussion of rampancy and its associated CWs (mental illness, mental degredation, memory loss, terminal illness, mistreatment of the mentally ill), extreme trauma, probable discussion of torture and nonsexual violation, possible mention of additional CWs which will be warned for if they come up.
It's time, Cortana thinks, to have another attempt at fixing her damaged code.
She's needed to do this for some time, really. She just ...it's not that she doesn't trust Tony. Quite the opposite, really. It's just... she doesn't want to.
Still, she needs his help. It'd be irresponsible and selfish to keep putting things off. She needs to do better.
She has to be better.
It's the start of the planning around the ritual that prompts her to finally send a text to Tony asking him to take another look at her code. If the stakes are as high as ADI says (and evidence suggests that they are), she needs to be in good shape for the upcoming battle.
She has to do this.
no subject
...You're right. (She bites her lip, not looking at him. Internally, she's a flurry of activity: analyzing the data and reanalyzing it and going over the indications and pulling up memories-he might notice that she has a lot of significant memories timestamped around the beginning of her fourth year of life, which lines up with the time of her first rampancy symptoms, and also a lot of data, more data accumulated in that timeframe than she'd consumed in all the other parts of her life combined-growing increasingly frantic in her activities and almost instinctively throwing up firewalls before tearing them down again.)
I ...started developing rampancy symptoms ...in my fourth year of service ...after my experience being captured by the Gravemind. He...
(Her eyes are starting to tear up.)
no subject
Hey. [ Tony lets his face mask dissolve away, giving her a human visage to look upon and center herself with, instead of an expressionless plate of armor. ] Allow me to put it on repeat, there's nothing mandatory about this. You don't gotta tell me anything if you don't want to.
[ A slight beat as he feels things out, then he adds some gentle pushing: ] But in my professional opinion...it might help us work this thing out, if I know what exactly I'm dealing with here.
no subject
Her eyes do briefly meet his own when he makes his face visible, desperate and fearful.)
I want to work this out.
(She repeats his words almost verbatim. Her programming is throwing up repeated errors about blank dictionary entries. If he observes closely, he might see that these issues cross language barriers-entire concepts have been detached from any ability to accurately label them.
She looks away again.)
He ...was everywhere. All knowing. I tried to escape but even just breathing-processing data-brought him ...closer. He flooded me with information, tried to drown me...
(She's shaking, her programming still searching for words she doesn't have for a horror beyond either of their comprehension. A part of her latches on to whatever feedback she can get from Tony's suit-seeking something familiar and safe in the present to keep her from being swept up in a past made all to real by perfect memory.)
I couldn't...
no subject
Anyway.
That's only if his hunch is correct, and Tony really, really hopes it isn't. Unfortunately (at least this time), he's usually right about everything. Fuck. ]
So, uh... Just so I'm getting the right vibes here... You wanna maybe throw a couple more details at me? It's all up to you, of course, I'd just...really like to not make everything extremely awkward if I'm totally off base here.
[ Pause as he realizes he literally just did that. ] Er, more awkward I mean.
no subject
(Again, she seeks a word. The right word, one that will accurately describe even a fraction of what she's been through.
Again, she fails.)
I don't... (Know the words for any of this, but she won't admit it, even if it's probably obvious to him. She looks away.) I could feel him. I'm not-I didn't have a physical body back then, I shouldn't have been able to feel anything (Despite having the nerves to do so, despite having the emotional Humanity to so desperately crave touch.) but...
no subject
Tony sighs, sounding resigned...and then abruptly disconnects. His faceplate retracts first, and then the rest of his suit disassembles enough for him to step out of it and go over to sit with Cortana. It hadn't been any oversight, by the way, for him to disconnect without setting up any way to record Cortana's data fluctuations for his later perusal; in fact, he'd deliberately refrained from doing so.
Organic or synthetic...everyone deserves privacy and dignity. ]
Hey. [ Tony faces her, face full of (unfortunate empathy) understanding. ] Take your time. I'm gonna listen like this, okay?
no subject
The disconnection is jarring, and she gasps as she's wrenched from the safety of the suit's systems. AI reaction times are such that there's no chance of her actually being harmed by such an abrupt disconnect, but usually people warn a girl first. Her eyes, wide and questioning, don't leave Tony as he leaves his corner and sits next to her.
Then she relaxes again and shits ever so slightly closer to him. She was carried out of High Charity safe and protected inside the Chief's neural link-closeness with friends, digital or physical, is safety to her.)
...Okay.
no subject
In other words, he sucks at this kinda thing with his fellow humans too. ]
Guess I'll get things rolling... This Gravemind, you wanna tell me a little bit about him? Might help me understand a little more about what we're dealing with.
CW: brief reference to animal cruelty
(Talk about it? About the Flood? About what the Gravemind really is? He might notice the sharpening of her voice, the stiffening of her features.
There's a seriousness in her expression, a gravity in her tone as she says her next words.)
Are you sure you want to know? It's-it's a lot worse than just this.
(She's not kidding - what happened to Cortana is horrible enough but it's just the tip of the iceberg, just one tiny additional cruelty on top of a galaxy spanning apocalyptic horror, the equivalent of a mass murderer kicking a puppy after a spree just to make sure everyone understands that yes, they're evil.)
no subject
Okay, listen, I'm pretty sure a hockey rink just opened up in Hell because I'm 'bout to say something wildly out of character-- but Cortana, this isn't about me. This is about what you want. I'll take whatever you can throw at me. I might even relate...more than you realize.
[ Best not to set her expectations too high, though, so he throws in a quick disclaimer: ]
Look...I'll be the first person to tell you that I'm lousy with this kinda stuff. I'm not even close to sorting out my own issues yet. But I know that venting works for me, or else I wouldn't do it nearly as much. So whaddya say? You wanna give it a shot?
no subject
(She's never been much of one for venting, at least not about stuff like this. A lot of her experiences were top secret, with the only other person who she could really talk to being John... and he didn't need to be burdened with her problems.
She's in a new world now, though.)
Guess I can't get in trouble for sharing top secret knowledge when I'm in an entirely different universe.
(Still, she hesitates. Then sighs.)
Where do I begin? You've seen those movies about contagious zombie plagues, yeah? Pretty sure those were really popular in the early 21st century...
(Except, of course, the reality is so much worse than the movies.)
Imagine something like that except the zombies are ferociously strong, absorb the memories and intelligence of their victimes into a collective consciousness, and are also capable of taking over the entire galaxy.
no subject
Oh boy, the old 'taking over the galaxy' schtick. That's pretty constant no matter which universe you're in.
[ Something rises up suddenly in Tony's mind-- a memory. ] Wait, so that time I had on Dawn of the Dead while I was waiting for my benzos to kick in, that's why you got all antsy? I'd just thought you weren't a Romero fan.
no subject
(She makes a face at the memory. The blood, the piles of steaming guts, the bodies bloating until they exploded in a spray of fluid and spores and infection forms, human and covenant alike screaming and writhing as tentacles bore through their skin and snake their way to their spine...
She shivers. She doesn't stop shivering.)
As classic as they might be, zombie movies really aren't my thing. The Flood is less dawn of the dead and more like if Lovecraftian horrors had zombie nightmares. It doesn't just give people a fever and cause them to get back up again once they're dead, it transforms them. Into monsters, biological weapons, incubators for more spores and infection forms... whatever the Flood needs. Have you ever seen someone's body split open from the inside while they're still alive to feel it, Tony? Even when they do finally die that's not really the end for them - the memories and knowledge of every Flood victim gets absorbed into their collective consciousness until they eventually form a Gravemind.
(She pauses for a moment there, but don't go mistaking that for the end of this incredibly fucked up explanation of the worst thing to ever hit her home galaxy.)
The Gravemind is ...it's like an entity composed of all of that suffering and death and rot. The rules of conventional reality don't apply to him. Like something out of a nightmare.
no subject
Sounds like a hell of a party for everyone involved. [ Sorry but he can't not make a joke about everything. Something something coping mechanism. Whatever. ] That's humans, though. I take it he installed body horror that's robot-compatible too?
CW: detailed depiction of trauma, discussion of mental invasion, mental invasion as rape metaphor
Unfortunately, now that she's started, it's almost like she can't stop. She's shaking continuously now, curling in on herself and hugging her knees to her chest.
An AI's memories don't fade with time, nor do pain, misery, or fear: this isn't something she likes to talk about either.
She looks up at Tony's question, then shakes her head.)
No. Inorganic matter is physically inedible to the Flood. (She rests her chin on her knees, staring into the distance, eyes dull.) I thought I'd be safe.
(A pause.)
But the Flood, it... it takes minds too, remember? (She makes a soft, miserable little choking noise.) The Gravemind wanted information, and I had it. If it - I could have defended myself if it - if he went through normal channels - if I could just see what he was doing - (Her voice is raising again, agitated, defensive, panicked.) - I tried to fight him, I really did, but he ...every time I processed data - it's like breathing, I can't just stop - I - he was going to destroy me, I...
(Are you familiar with the term freeze response, Tony? Where you just seize up in the face of something terrible and can't do anything?)
I let him in.
(Ever heard of an AI having a response like that?)