[Open] And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills - Log

[cuttypie]

Who: Luka Kovač and you!
When: June
Where: Wolf Pen still
Summary: Player plot begin, gets aligned to the Stranger
Warnings: Addiction and related themes, blood, injections, body horror, blood-borne/sexually transmitted illness, body dysmorphia, panic attacks and visceral descriptions of them, medical themes, terminology, injections, and procedures, PTSD, trauma, potential talk of war, violence, family/child death, self harm references, suicidal ideation



[Note: This begins the following player plot where Luka and Ade have been trying to use Ade's blood for healing secretly. Luka will swear anyone to secrecy if they discover what they're doing here because they can't let ADI find out. Luka will be getting 2 new powers and you can opt in here.]


a. Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? - OTA

Their plans had been working.

It was such a good plan, wasn't it? A way to get back at the Entities, to finally have some agency, to be able to use this fear against them. Sedate a patient while giving them a dose of Ade's blood with c'nataat to heal them, taking on a dose himself and the fear for himself when Ade donates to 'pay' the price of fear for the Entities. Trying to hide it, trying not to make too big of a fuss because he knows ADI would not be happy with this. And for a little, while, it was going great. Nobody knew what they were doing, and it was helping people.

Until it stopped working. Until they found out they needed more fear for more healing, which meant more fear for him.

But it's fine. He can deal with the fallout, he can deal with the fear--he's felt plenty of fear before, been through horrific things, and this--this isn't anywhere near with what he's already experienced. But he has a funny feeling the Entities might take issue with that.

So there are more doses. The mutations get worse, but it's temporary so it's fine. He can deal with the fear.

It's a different kind of fear than what he's used to, though. He's used to threats against his person, against people around him, death and destruction and injury. This wasn't like that, though. This is something on a different level. The awareness that there's an alien lifeform in him shouldn't bother him that much, because he understand what's going on scientifically--it's no different from a unique treatment. But it does. It feels like it's changing him in a terrible way, in a way that takes away his humanity and won't give it back.

What it looks like isn't helping, either. He'd undone his shirt when small dots of bio-luminescence became visible underneath. The skin on his chest was a different...texture, almost as if it was fading away in spots, until, horrifically but also fascinatingly, he could start to...see things. Like it was becoming transparent, the organs underneath toiling away, bright spots of luminescence trailing up on each side. It was actually really cool if it wasn't so scary.

He's had a lot of doses today. He really should just stay in the room for the day, and pretend he's sick. He's not sure how long the mutations will last--it shouldn't be too long, the first time it was only for a few minutes, but he knows the longer this lasts, the more doses he takes, it'll fuel the fear price and then he won't have to worry about this until next month.

Except he forgot to grab enough food to last for the day so he's just going to sneak downstairs to run to the nearest convenience store. The mutations aren't visible under the long jacket, and he's wearing sunglasses. A little warm for the weather, but these were the mountains, after all. Surely it's fine?


b. But time makes you bolder - OTA

It's funny how much you plan things and yet they still go so terribly wrong.

He knows he ought to be used to that by now, as an ER doctor. But still, after all the hard work he'd put in, he thought that maybe, maybe this was the once chance they could stick it to the Entities, that they could finally have a little good in a world where there were things trying to actively snuff it out.

Maybe that's what happened here. Maybe one of them noticed.

He didn't have time to give the sedative to the patient and they would have to suffer the effects of a c'nataat dose. As much as he hated to do it, it was a small price to pay. Except the patient seemed...fine. They didn't react, recoil in horror, except--Luka did. It was like getting hit with a hammer made out of fear chemicals, his adrenaline shot up, and that same sensation he gets when he pays the price for the doses echoes in his head like he's been thoroughly replaced by an alien. It's so sudden and so ridiculous he doesn't know what to do for a moment except sit there and take it, trying to breathe through the horror until it fades.

...what was that?

Until it happens again. And then again, in a completely different situation--where he realized that what was happening was completely artificial. It was simple--the patient was terrified of doctors to the point that their blood pressure was always high whenever they needed to see one, except that around him, they were calm. The patient seemed pleased, because this had never happened before but there was a brief moment, when Luka had gone to grab something out of a cabinet, they screamed and said they saw a ghost. And that it was right where he'd been, and they'd ran away--and the same time, fear was pressing down on him in a strange way--adrenaline spiking, anxiety, as if he was terrified about what he would say about their condition. For a moment he wondered if maybe the mutations had come back, somehow, on their own--but he hadn't been on any doses in awhile and still looked perfectly human. Didn't he?

It was maddening. Madness. What was going on? The only thing he could do was to test it out, see if the conditions were repeatable.

He's out on the town, stuffing his hands in his pockets. How the hell was he going to figure this out? Was it based on fear? If he found someone that was afraid, would he take their fear on, or something? Why was this happening?

...he can only hope that this all hadn't caught up to them. That the Entities hadn't finally taken notice.

He's pretty sure they've taken notice.

c. - For Addie

He's running the medical station today and everything is fine.

He's fine, patients are fine, weather's fine.

It's not like everything is starting to catch up to him and become a disaster in any way, shape or form. But he can't worry about these things, because despite the complications, it's still working. The c'nataat dosing is still working, along with the sedation to avoid them from taking on the fear, and what's so bad about him taking on the fear, anyway? That's what he's been doing all along, paying the price so that they don't have to? So really.

It's fine.

He's set up a small curtain in the back of the table and he doesn't dare offer any doses if anyone from ADI is around. There's an older man sitting in the chair by the curtain, and Luka is quietly consulting with them. It's someone with an awful cough and Luka sounds kind, compassionate.

"Your cough isn't going to get any better. And even without extensive testing I can tell you that your prognosis is very poor. Life-threateningly so. We have a treatment that can help you, and it's a fairly simple one. I'll give you something to calm you and make you sleep for a few minutes, and it's a one-time injection. It's, admittedly, fairly experimental but I can assure you it's very effective."

d. - Wildcard - Want a scenario not listed here or anything specific? Anything goes! Hit me up at indymica

Comments

d. wildcard, cw: addiction, chronic pain, alcoholism

[setthetone]

His back hurts.

That's not surprising after what happened in the mine but the terror of his encounter there and the physical discomfort make sleeping near impossible. Carter has tried his usual yoga poses - pidgeon, sphinx, cobra. While it does release some of the tension he's been holding, it doesn't give him the needed relief.

His mind of course tells him it knows of some other form of relief but he pushes that thought away.

It's fine. It will pass. He just has to be patient.

Of course Luka's various assortments of beer bottles don't help with that. He can feel himself looking over, staring at them as they seem to stare back. It makes him angry but he tries not to be resentful. His anger is about himself, not Luka and he knows he should just talk to him, ask him to get rid of them, to not keep them in here.

To distract himself he grabs his journal and starts writing down everything he remembers from the mine. Tries to sketch the clawmarks. He can't quite bring himself to sketch the spikes smashing down and after a moment he flips the page, unwilling to deal with the images any longer.

Next he goes through mnemonics from his med school days. The nerves in the neck. The muscles in the arm. The bones in the upper body. Empty lists he keeps writing to clear his head.

It's late and he wonders where Luka is. Probably out and about. Getting drunk. He scowls, the thought of having to deal with him drunk tonight is... daunting.

He leans back and stares at the bottles again. Could one really hurt that much? It would help him relax, unwind, calm his mind. After what he's been through, he deserves one, doesn't he?

Ugh.

He brings his hands up, rubbing at his face. He should check if there are meetings in this town.

[cuttypie]

It's late when Luka comes back.

The door rattles and he's a little loud as he opens and closes it behind him. His movements are careful, as if he's being mindful of not wanting to wake Carter if he's asleep as he comes in, and there's a troubled look on his face. If he was going out for fun, clearly he didn't have a good time.

There's something else, too. For the briefest of moments as he walks in, it doesn't quite look...like Luka. Or a person, really, more of a shadow...it's probably just a trick of the light.

Probably.

Or it's a little leftover something from scaring someone just down the hall who thought he'd seen a ghost.

And then it's gone, moments later, as if it was nothing at all.

[setthetone]

On any other day, Carter wouldn't make too much of it. On any other day, he'd probably chalk it up to insomnia. To his own troubled mind, to this place just being this place. Would blink, once, twice, shake his head.

But he's been through the ringer and when something enters the hotel room, something unidentifiable, a shadow, a stranger, he jumps and backs off, chair toppling over with a loud noise.

And then the moment is over and it's Luka and Carter... stares before he exhales audibly with a hiss, rubbing at his face.

"Hey. Hi. You startled me."

[cuttypie]

"Hi...ah. Sorry, I didn't mean to." The chair startles him, and it takes him a second to realize what just happened.

There's something there, something faint, a weird sense that he's starting to notice more and more. Carter's fear is like a beacon, even though he didn't mean to cause it, it feels like he's drawing from it, in a way...

Dammit! The last thing he'd want to do is this, to Carter. Random strangers, it's not so bad, but not Carter. He can't stop it, though, can't block it off, he has no idea how any of this works, or how his own weird new abilities worked. All he can do is wince and try not to do it again.

He offers a wan smile, but he still looks wildly troubled.

"It's just me."

[setthetone]

"Yeah."

It's just him.

Carter sighs and pushes a hand into his hair, then reaches down to pick up the chair again.

"Where have you been? You look like hell."

[cuttypie]

"I was just going for a walk."

It wasn't a lie, that's what he was doing. Luka tries to make his voice sound more normal, but he still sounds mildly unsettled. He tries for a laugh but it just sounds a little fake.

"Is it really that bad?"

[setthetone]

"Yep. And then some."

Sorry. He's too tired and cranky and Carter to sugarcoat it.

But he frowns as he flops down on the chair again, searching his face with a hint of concern.

"You wanna talk about it?"

d. Wildcard - For Ade

[cuttypie]

He can pretend it's not terrifying.

He's even good at pretending it's not terrifying, if he really tries to just...not think about it. But he knows that's the point, that it's supposed to be, and that the terrifying feelings were what they needed.

He had to pay the price, that fear. He had to think about it, had to experience it.

And now he had to pay more of the price.

Maybe if he pretends that it's cool. Admittedly, from a completely scientific standpoint and ignoring all the terror that came with it, it's actually really cool. Being able to see through one's skin, completely?

Every biologist and doctor in the world would be trying to break his door down to have a look. If it wasn't personally happening to him, he'd be just as excited. But right now it's taking everything he's got to calm down, to just deal with the distress, the feeling like he's being...rewritten.

And right now he's all covered up even though it's hot, trying to hide what's happening, a long jacket covering up to his neck, and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes.

He probably shouldn't have dosed this early in the day, but he wanted to get it over with, so.

"Ade?"

He knocks on the door of his hotel room, hopefully he's in...

[landing_lights]

Fortunately, Ade is in. He's been spending more time in his hotel room in general as of late, still recovering from that disastrous trip to the Woven Isle. C'nataat had made short work of the minor bruises and scrapes he'd sustained—it's the psychological damage that sticks.

He opens the door, his expression changing from trepidation to relief to confusion when he sees Luka standing there. There's the way he's dressed, for one thing, covered head-to-toe in a long coat and sunglasses. And then, even more potently, is the way he smells. On one level, Luka carries the scent of a distressed human—but there's something more, something stranger than that, as well. Several somethings.

"Luka? What happened?" Ade doesn't have to ask if something happened. It's clear that something isn't right. He opens the door wider for Luka to come in and shuts it behind him once he enters. He's all too aware that whatever is going on might not be something they want ADI knowing about. In the closer space, he manages to place one of the odd scents coming from the doctor. His face falls as he draws the connection. It's one of the many quirks of the wess'har's social olfactory system—you can smell it when someone shares DNA with you.

"Christ, how much did you take?"

[cuttypie]

Luka hurries in, shuffling past him quickly.

"I..."

Yeah, there's no hiding it around Ade, is there? He almost wants to laugh, it's so absurd. Or maybe cry. Or scream. Maybe all of the above, right now.

"Probably more than I should have?"

Which was certainly an understatement.

"I was trying to get more fear juice going, you know? I just didn't expect it to be...this bad."

He takes off his sunglasses, his eyes are no longer green but amber, the pupils dilating into four lobes instead of being round. There's a slight biolumiescence coming from the direction of his jacket collar, a hint of his skin texture different, almost...transparent.

[landing_lights]

"'More than you should have?' What does that—"

And then Luka takes off his sunglasses and Ade knows exactly what that means. He jerks back in shock, suddenly staring wide-eyed into the four-lobed pupils of a wess'har.

"Jesus Christ," Ade whispers, mind racing as he tries to comprehend what he's seeing. Wess'har eyes in a human face, but it's not just the eyes. Once Ade finally tears his gaze away from Luka's, he sees, too, the hints of bioluminescence under the man's collar, the glassy texture of the skin. Ade finally places another of the scents he'd picked up: bezeri. Like the bodies at Ouzhari. Ade feels sick.

What the hell is c'nataat doing to him?

"Shit. You walked here like this?" It's a stupid thing to focus on, but he needs to start somewhere. Ade herds Luka away from the door, then strides towards the windows, lowering the blinds. The citrus scent of agitation radiates from him. "It shouldn't be that bad. Hell, I've been full-blooded c'nataat for months and it's never done anything like that before. Then you dose up and it goes haywire?"

It doesn't make sense. It had taken Aras centuries of living among humans to start looking like them. Why would c'nataat suddenly start changing Luka to look more wess'har? Or bezeri?

Standing at one of the now-covered windows, Ade takes a deep breath to steady himself, then turns slowly back towards Luka. He motions at his jacket. "Come on. No point hiding it now."

[cuttypie]

"As best I could," Luka mutters, still looking like he's caught between being too embarrassed to show him the full extent of what's been happening and the need for answers. Because he really is the only person that can give him some starting point to what's going on here. "Nobody saw a thing."

It just sucks when he says it shouldn't be that bad and then, well. It is. There's a moment where he's pretty sure he smells citrus and that it's coming from Ade, too, which is interesting to note.

"If it helps, I did dose up a lot." Or well, helps probably isn't the best way of putting it, but it was somewhat of an explanation. "And by it being a lot, I mean, a lot. It was like the smaller doses weren't having the same effect anymore. Maybe the price has changed."

He doesn't want to say the word Entities but he's pretty sure that's what's behind all this.

Luka nods, taking a moment to steel himself up before removing the jacket. The full extent of what's happened is visible, but he undoes a few buttons of his shirt to show how far the translucent skin has gotten. It's to the point where one can see his heart, his lungs, and lines of luminescent spots and specks trailing up and around him, glowing faintly under the fabric.

"Yeah. It's bad." He sounds more than rattled.

[landing_lights]

Ade sucks in a breath when he sees the extent of Luka's changes: translucent skin, visible organs, extensive bioluminescence. He shakes his head, dumbfounded.

"It shouldn't matter how much you took. C'nataat isn't supposed to work like that." But then, c'nataat hasn't worked like it's supposed to ever since he arrived here. They'd thought the only change was that it was no longer a lifelong infection for anyone but Ade, but what if there's more to it than that? Ade drags a hand through his hair, trying to slow his own racing thoughts.

"It wants to keep you alive. Healthy. It does weird shit, but unless your life's in danger, it's supposed to do it slowly. Not like—" He gestures at Luka. Why would c'nataat give him those adaptations? What did Luka stand to gain from having transparent skin or wess'har eyes? If anything, such visible changes only place a target on Luka's back, especially now that they're supposed to be hiding their little project from ADI.

"Look, just don't take any more, alright?" Ade says, coming to a standstill to lock eyes with Luka. "If c'nataat isn't playing by its own rules anymore or if... if the Entities have corrupted it somehow, then it's not safe to keep using it—on you or on others."

a

[bossyboiler]

There had been no way that Kate was paying two dollars for a pop from the vending machine at the motel. The prices in all of the vending machines are exorbitant. Kate can understand why. People are more likely to buy from nearby than venturing out. However, Kate is stubborn. She's just not going to pay that price. She's not.

She ends up paying less than two dollars for a bottle of pop. It's fine. Everything is fine. There's a better selection anyway. There's also a better selection of snacks. Kate is loading up and looking elsewhere as she rounds the corner and almost bumps into Luka.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

[cuttypie]

At least there's really good snacks here at the convenience store. Luka is loading up on pre-made sandwiches--the quality of which is debatable, but he doesn't have much of a choice here, along with some chips, candy bars, peanuts, and soda.

Someone bumps into him and he quickly pulls up on his jacket, the slightest bit of bio-luminescence spotting might be visible along the bottom of his neck if he wasn't fast enough.

"Ah, no, it's fine, I wasn't paying attention anyway," he says amiably, with a laugh. He vaguely recognizes her from being with their group from ADI, so he gives a little shrug. "Glad this place isn't that far from the hotel, huh?"

[bossyboiler]

There are plenty of good snacks and she really doesn't need as much as she is buying. However, she has Winter to think about. He appreciates sweets. There is also the train ride back to consider and the meantime between that. It's efficient to get everything in one go or that is what she will tell herself.

"I am. Have you seen the prices in the vending machines? It's criminal what they charge for a bottle of pop and a candy bar." One of the benefits of working in Administration is that Kate knows who is with ADI and who isn't. It's not that she goes out of her way to go through files. It is just that sometimes she has to go through personal files in order to issue IDs and funds. It's not snooping!

"We haven't officially met yet. I'm Kate."

[cuttypie]

"I know, right? They're taking advantage of people who don't feel like leaving the hotel for food. Maybe we should write them a note before we leave. They always want customer feedback, no?"

He really might just do that, now that he thinks about it...

"Yes, sorry about that! Luka Kovač, it's nice to meet you." He doesn't offer a hand just yet, pretending that he's got too many snacks in hand to do so. His hands look perfectly normal so far, but he's not taking any chances.

[bossyboiler]

"That's a good idea. We'll leave them a very stern letter." She smiles. Will she do it herself? She could but she probably will not. She doesn't want to leave any trace of herself when ADI leaves.

Kate is not put off by the lack of a handshake. Her hands are busy holding her basket of treats. It's not rude. It's just easy. "You're one of the doctors, right? I heard you and another set up a little clinic."

[cuttypie]

That gets a laugh from him, and he nods. Maybe he can leave one, anonymously. "Look at that, we improved the town from evil people and from customer feedback."

"Yes, I work with Dr. Carter and Dr. Montgomery. I'm an ER doctor, so I hope that I won't be of much use here, but..." If it comes down to it, he has the skills to help, at least.

[neonatal]

She happens to be passing when she hears him talk. And there's a curiosity to why she stops, to the treatment he's proposing because Addison has encountered many of these coughs during her time at the med station here and she hasn't heard about a treatment.

"How experimental?"

She smiles, offering a hand to the patient he'd been speaking to. "Doctor Montgomery."

[cuttypie]

His heart practically leaps in his chest when he hears Addie's voice.

...this is so not good timing.

"Uh."

He's caught completely off-guard, looking like a deer in headlights. "Um, very, uh, experimental. But it's also very effective."

His mind is running through a million scenarios, all of them ending terribly. He's pretty sure Addie would want to know exactly what he was doing, why he would even need to sedate a patient after injecting them with...something. Maybe he can just pretend it was something he developed on his own out of their current supplies? He's not a pharmacist, but maybe he can pretend he's using a bunch of antibiotics and steroids all at once...

The patient, on the other hand, seems to be blissfully unaware and shakes the other doctor's hand.

"I don't mind, really," they say, covering their mouth for another cough. "Anythin' to get better."

[neonatal]

"Which is what we'd like. Though as with all treatments there can be side effects. Unfortunately, those that are experimental can have greater risks to them."

Things that they don't always know what could happen.

"Which I'm assuming you don't need to hear, Doctor Kovac would have explained all of that to you?"

[cuttypie]

The patient squints, looking a little confused.

"No, he hadn't quite got to that part yet."

Luka's smile is completely frozen on his face as the patient looks at him expectantly.

"Right. Uh. You--you might have some residual heightened feelings of anxiety when the sedation wears off. There might be minor dream-like moments coming out of it. But it's perfectly safe otherwise."

[neonatal]

Now it's her turn to look a little confused, or perhaps sceptical.

"Could you excuse us for a minute?" A smile is given to both patient and doctor before she steps away, expecting him to follow.

"What treatment is this, exactly?"

[cuttypie]

He gives an apologetic look to the patient, as if he's just needing to discuss a quick treatment plan, as one does.

Luka rubs the back of his head as he follows her, torn between outright lying and just, well, not telling the truth exactly.

Telling her is a possibility, but...

"It's something that I've developed with someone..." With Ade, but he doesn't want to get him in trouble, either. "...we discovered a factor from the blood of someone who has come from a different world that does...remarkable things. Miraculous things. It'll cure that cough and anything else that's wrong with that patient in moments."