apocalypsehowcomm | (Closed) It's not fair

Who: Cortana and Donna Noble
When: Early May
Where: Book Fair!
Summary: Cortana has a bad time with quizzes, Donna gets to learn some upsetting information.
Warnings: Mentions of mass destruction and murder, rampancy, mental illness, suicide baiting, general bad times.

She'd been enticed, initially, by the flyer. Books were a good source of information. Why not go check things out?

The first sign that anything was off was when she'd tried to take up the offer for a library card (again, could be useful, so why not?) only to find out that she was already in the system. Panic had gripped her at the idea that she might have forgotten-no. She couldn't have been in the system for that long. She'd only been here for three months. Besides, she could account for the entire time she'd been here: there simply wasn't room for enough lost time to have checked out so many volumes.

...Oh great, it was entity bullshit again, wasn't it?

Her hands balled into fists, and her expression was distinctly dour as she explored what should have been a light, pleasant experience. She avoided talking to anyone, and eventually ended up playing around with the quizzes. It all seemed fairly normal until she decided to test her knowledge of the book version of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

The questions started out simple enough, but quickly turn ...strange. Stuff like what is the common name for Hal's condition (rampancy wasn't even a concept mentioned in the book), whether if she were in Dave's shoes would she destroy Hal, etc. Probably not a coincidence, but if someone thought that rigging the quiz like this would get to her, they had another thought coming. She wasn't going to fall for such a simple, cheap trick.

But then...

How many people lived in colonies destroyed by Guardians?

She tensed, sucking in a breath. How? It shouldn't be possible to rig the quiz with that question because no one knew about that. She hadn't told anyone that much detail about her life.

Still, if whoever was doing this thought she wouldn't know that number, they had another thought coming. Her actions had been misguided at best, but she'd known the consequences.

She'd doomed millions.

If you'd truly died on that ship, would those people still be alive?

An attempt to pull away, to close the window and leave made it clear that wasn't going to happen. At least, not yet. Looked like she was going to have to play along. And so she answered.

Yes.

Given your previous answer, would you have preferred not to survive?

Yes-ERROR.

She tried again, only to be refused. And again. Her body was stiff, focused entirely on the screen in front of her. Why wouldn't it take her answer? It was only logical: if she'd died, none of this would have happened, those people would still be alive, she wouldn't have betrayed John-

But he still wouldn't be hers anymore, would he? The galaxy would be a better place for her loss, but she'd never get to enjoy that. She'd be gone, and John would still get another AI, and no one would remember her or care...

"Selfish." Tears stung at the corners of her eyes. "Selfish!" She barely choked out the word before it turned into a sob and the tears began to stream down her cheeks, unnoticed.

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"But they had the resources to spare to develop someone like you? Don't- You don't have to devalue yourself. They made you. They should have been thinking about how to cure rampancy when they were in the process of doing that. You're brilliant. Why would they want to lose you after so little time? That doesn't make sense."

"It's not-" She sighs. "I don't plan to." She's the best AI the UNSC ever made; the only other who might even come close is essentially a copy of her.

Was that what she thought she was doing?

"The infrastructure needed to make smart AI is already in place. Yeah, they can't afford to make a bunch of us, but that just means that they'd rather get seven years of use out of us instead of wasting AI in rampancy research." Even the cloned and living brain used to make her wasn't unique. Halsey had enough spares for over a dozen Cortana's, as she had so clearly demonstrated by making a single use copy.

...She was devaluing herself, wasn't she?

Still, it didn't change the facts.

"Besdies, even after I was created the UNSC still saw fit to leave me sitting on a desk in my Creator's office for three years before the Office of Naval Intelligence would actually fund the mission I was made for." Clearly, she wasn't actually that valuable. Not to the UNSC.

Edited 2022-06-29 22:27 (UTC)

"Look. I get the situation was hard for the people who made you. And I get that you probably... I mean one of them was your mum, right? What you did to hurt everyone was terrible. That doesn't actually negate the fact that what they did to you was horrible, too.

"I'm just sorry it happened at all. But you're here now, not there. And you're not rampant. And there are people here from other worlds, really clever ones, maybe they'll be able to find something to help with your code that no one from your world figured out."

...She was always replaceable, wasn't she? To everyone except the Chief, maybe, and he definitely didn't want her anymore after what she'd done.

"I'm already working on that, actually." Speaking of which, she should probably talk to Tony again about her code.

"Hey, that's good. That's really good." She tries to offer Cortana a smile. "And when you're all fixed up and we can get home, maybe you can carry that back with you. I know you're going to need to face consequences for what you did, but you can give everyone that, at least."

And she freezes, stiffening at that.

"Donna, I can't go home."

There's a pause as she considers that. Considers what Cortana has done and what's likely waiting for her. Death. Maybe... it would be best if she didn't return. If they even get a choice in the matter once a way back is found. "Okay, well... then maybe it's still information you can send back without going there yourself."

"Maybe." If anyone would believe that information. The Chief might, she thinks. Possibly even Halsey, given time to verify it... if the information was even able to get to her. Still, it could help a lot of people.

...Of course, she's not sure where she's going to go, since she doubts ADI will want people to stick around if they can't survive here without entity assitance.

"Maybe." Donna agrees. "But we don't need to figure it out today. How about I walk you back to the apartments? Don't much care for the sort of book fair that leaves someone in tears, personally."

"...It'd be nice to know what to do." She knows she can't figure this out right away, but she still doesn't like not knowing what to do. She's supposed to have a plan. She was designed to always have a plan.

"Or digs up their worst secrets? Or tries to gaslight them into thinking they've already checked out books from the library?" She sighs. "Yeah. Let's go."

It would be nice, but Donna's feeling more than a little inadequate in terms of being able to provide that advice. Instead, she just lets her hand linger on the other woman before turning to head them out of the alley and away from the books. She does make a mental note to come back here later, though. Gaslighting is something she's dealt with before in relation to libraries. It makes her wonder about what might be behind that. Something trying to alter their perceptions? Almost certainly. And she wonders what her doppleganger might have picked out.

Cortana follows Donna, quiet and sullen.

Inside her head, thoughts race. She can't go home. Donna knows. She killed civilians. The people here are kind to her in a way that no one else has been other than the Chief, but she would have killed them too without ever knowing if she'd come here even just a few months earlier.

...She'll never see the Chief again.

"What are you going to do?" She tries to distract herself by asking. Will Donna tell ADI about this? Will she tell someone else?

"Probably tell Security there's some weird stuff going on down at this book fair," Donna answers easily. That's something that she needs to take care of, for sure. "Might come back later, though. You said the library's got books taken out in our names? Don't like that."

Oh.

She's quiet for nearly a full minute.

"Thank you, Donna."

Donna offers her a tight smile. "'Course. Just us talking about girl things back there. No one else needs in on that unless you want to tell them, all right?"

She gives a very awkward but genuine smile in return.

"I think I'll keep things between me and the people who are helping me." Which right now is Tony.

"You got it. And I'll be here to help you as long as I can."

At least until the Doctor finds her. Donna is still determined that that's going to happen. She'd waited a long time for him the first go around. She can do that again, whether it's one year or ten.

(Closed) It's not fair

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CW for mentions of experimentation on sapient lifeforms and also using them as disposable tools

cw's continue

CWs unlikely to stop anytime soon

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think we can ftb on this one!