apocalypsehowcomm | [OPEN LOG] Cracking

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[OPEN LOG] Cracking

Who: Meredith and EVERYONE
When: Early January
Where: Apt. B1, Bonnie's, ADI offices
Summary:Meredith returning from Medical; A Visit to Bonnie's; New Year, New You TDM prompt/A day at the office
Warnings: discussion of self worth that may include internalized ableism; non-graphic mention of medical issues relating to hEDS, self esteem issues and change of appearance (per New Year, New You TDM prompt)

1. My footsteps are ticking, like water dripping from a tree [Apt. B1 and close friends]
It's been weeks that Meredith has spent in medical, being poked and prodded and fed bland meals that won't upset her stomach. They don't talk about it, early on, how much connective tissue is in the digestive system. It's the mobility issues that everyone talks about, because those inconvenience the rest of the world. But the rest of it matters. Has mattered.

The day she returns home, she doesn't alert anyone in advance. She tries to be quiet, walking into the building and toward the front door of Apartment B1. Lets herself in and holds the knob as she closes the door so it won't slam. A part of her expects the place to be a disaster-mess without her having been around to tend to it. But maybe the boys (her) boys have kept it together enough while she's been away.

Either way, she creeps quietly toward her room, not sure if she's ready to see them yet.

2. Walking a hairline and stepping very carefully [Bonnie's]
Once she's ready for people-ing again, Meredith puts in a visit to Bonnie's, bringing with her a pan of fresh baked brownies in the hand not holding her usual walking cane. The ADI housing building is an easy place to live, but Bonnie's is better for hanging out and getting to know her fellow off-worlders, and there's probably been a fresh batch while she was away. Time to make new friends. ~~After all, the more she has, the more likely someone will come save her when another disaster problem strikes.~~

But first things first. "Where do you guys keep knives and paper plates? I want to make sure to slice this so everyone can get a piece."

3. My heart is broken, it's worn out at the knees [ADI Offices]
It is a beautiful morning in the ADI building, and Meredith is...trying something different, clearly. Someone has hacked off her hair to a choppy clearly self-done bob (probably accomplished by putting her hair in a ponytail and lopping it all off at once), and she's wearing no makeup at all, so the bags under her eyes and her generally wan complexion are much more obvious than usual. Even her clothing shows signs of the distaste she currently has with her usual...everything. She's in a rather unflattering dark green turtleneck sweater-dress that's about two sizes too big, and mustard yellow leggings to match.

Maybe someone should check in on her.

X. Something is cracking, I don't know where [Wildcard]

darkersolstice or darkersolstice#9463 to plot if you want something else

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More than just her apartment-mates noticed her gone. Winter notes her return that evening when he's prowling the building restlessly before he makes an attempt at sleep. And he pauses. And frowns at her door. Because he can hear her inside, when he hasn't heard her in days. He doesn't go near medical if he can help it, so he hasn't known where she was.

He waits outside her door for a long few minutes before he remembers about knocking and does that, instead.

Meredith answers the door in an oversized sweater and pajama pants, her hair held out of her face with a claw clip. At the sight of Winter, there's a hint of surprise, and then a bright smile.

"Hey, neighbor. Care to come in?"

She missed him too.

"You didn't disappear," he says, and there's maybe a sliver of surprise and relief to his face, though his voice is as flat as ever.

Then, after a pause, he adds in answer to her actual question, "Okay. If it's all right."

"No, I didn't disappear. I was in medical. My EDS was acting up; I was having digestive issues." She holds the door, gesturing him in. "You could have asked my roommates. Or...I probably should have messaged you, too. I should have known you'd worry."

Because she's still learning to read Winter's muted affect, but she knows that he cares. That's almost impossible to miss, and has been all along.

"Do you want coffee or anything?"

He could have done either of those things, too. Neither one had actually occurred to him.

Hmm. Maybe next time they will. He doesn't normally forget things, now that he's not getting maintenance all the time.

The plates in his arm shift and click under his sleeve, and he pointedly stops thinking about maintenance and medical before they tear something. Coffee is much safer. "Sure. You're better now? Feeling better?" Because her EDS isn't going to go away, but it can be less difficult, surely.

“I’m functional again.” No, she doesn’t quite mean it the same way he does, when she talks about herself in terms one doesn’t normally use for a person. Her comment comes from a pit of tarry black humor that she’s held onto for years. But...she means it, all the same. Getting back to functionality is what matters for her at this point.

She starts getting everything ready for coffee. The apartment shares custody of a French press, rather than a standard percolator, and she’s missed it almost as much as her boys.

“What have I missed that’s important?”

"Did they tell you about the bug woman." That was pretty important. "Were there those awful fucking elf dolls in medical with you." Also pretty important, as evidenced not by tone, really, but by the expletive and the expressing of an opinion. They were awful. He feels strongly about how awful they were.

"No awful elf dolls that I saw." She catches the F-bomb and looks up at Winter. Startled, not upset. That feels very significant, almost like someone popping a balloon in the middle of a performance of John Cage's 4'3".

"I'd like you to tell me about the bug woman. And the dolls."

"The bug woman got into our network and broadcast when she trapped a bunch of people and fed them to bugs. She may have been dead and only animated by magic," Winter reports, though the last is speculation on his part. "I didn't see her in person, though I helped storm her warehouse." It had been pretty gross.

He'll pause there in case she has questions. That's a pretty big one, after all. The dolls can come next.

"Where does the thought that she may have been dead come from?"

Meredith doesn't want the full details--she's not sure she can do anything with them--but she does want context on that piece. She passes Winter his coffee, and pours herself a cup.

"That's what the news said. That she'd died in a hospital. News could be wrong, that's the easiest solution. But could be an entity brought her back with the new powers," Winter suggests. "A lot of people talked to her on the network. She said the bugs told her she could have power and fame."

"Well, she achieved notoriety, at the least, among the ADI staff. As for bringing people back, isn't that maybe what we saw at the circus? Guy burned to death then came back waxy as a proper full avatar? It's possible she'd had some similar ritual something."

It's only vague theorizing. She doesn't have full information to work from.

"Maybe." He's still not entirely convinced the fire guy actually died, and it wasn't just an illusion. But whatever. He does think back to the videos, though, and adds, "I have a couple people now who want me to stop them if they get like that."

"I can see why you would be a person they're comfortable asking for that." Part of her wants to ask how that makes him feel, but she doubts that question will receive a meaningful answer.

Instead, she shrugs. "Do you have someone who you'd trust to stop you?"

"Belova," Winter says without hesitation. He hasn't asked her specifically, but he knows she'd do it. She could shoot him in the head if she needed to.

There's a pause, then, and he adds, "Though I do not intend to get like that. I don't have magic. And there is nothing I want except to keep people safe." So there's nothing the fear entities will be able to tempt him with, since he knows they won't want to keep anyone safe. Logic. He has it.

It's sound logic--she can follow it easily. But it bugs her still. Maybe it's the lack of wanting thing.

"I don't think there's anyone who intends to end up like that from the start. At least...I hope not. Either way, I'm glad you know who'd be able to...to stop you."

Oh, there's one or two people here Winter wouldn't bet against for actively seeking out avatarhood. But he'll keep an eye on them. It's fine.

"I trained her," he says after a moment, looking distant. "Belova. When she was very small."

Meredith mentally adjusts her estimate of Winter's age, and nods.

"Does that make it awkward, ending up with her here? Or is it good, to have someone who knows your style and methods?"

Better adjust it even higher. Not that Winter is really aware of it; his only concept of his own age is "ageless".

"It's good," he says, sounding certain of it. "She's my team. She understands some things." She's the only person who never pushes for things he can't give her. Even people he's fond of, other members of his team, sometimes demand he be something he's not.

"I'm glad you have someone who understands. I don't, but I try anyway. I think I just lack a lot of context."

Won't stop her from continuing to do her best with him.

"I don't know how to give you context." He hardly knows all of it, himself.

Though he does know some things. He considers a beat, then offers, "Secret multinational organization made me, owned me, sent me on missions. To protect freedom. By killing people." He's pretty sure they were not actually protecting freedom, these days, but that's still what he was told. "There was cryo between missions. There was. Maintenance. For when I started to malfunction." That's the basics. He doesn't think he's told her that much, straight out.

It's the word malfunction that plucks a heartstring that resonates. Meredith...often talks about her body in terms of being functional. She's not good, she's not well, she's functioning--unless she isn't. Hearing it from someone other than herself, it aches a little in the deep part of herself that still quietly sometimes thinks that it's not fair, that she's this kind of a mess.

It would hardly be helpful to say that to him, though.

(Is it weird that she has no reaction to the rest? To the killing people, or the idea of him having been owned? It doesn't surprise her; she'd figured most of it out from how unfamiliar he was with having choice and freedom and touch that wasn't violence.)

"Cryo between missions--is that where you got the name Winter from? Because they had you on ice?"

That makes him pause, and frown, because he's never actually thought about it. He'd just accepted that it was the name of the program. "I don't know. I was called the Winter Soldier. Or the Asset. But Asset upsets people." And he kind of likes Winter, these days. Nobody at HYDRA ever actually called him that, specifically, so it's really just his alone, in the end.

If she's familiar with Thomas Paine, she might recognize the reference, but Winter himself is oblivious.

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[OPEN LOG] Cracking

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CW: events of circus, circus; burns, death, etc.

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