apocalypsehowcomm | Log - September Catch-All

The wry sarcasm in Shep's drawl seems to earn a faint smile of amusement. Somehow he manages to make it seem sympathetic rather than mocking.

"Would you have agreed to speak with me were the answers so easily unknotted?" If nothing else, Elidibus probably has the man's type pegged when it comes to therapy sharing. That is to say what's brewing underneath the surface is an iceberg metaphor waiting to dwarf the one thought to sink the Titanic.

If everything just stopped? Was that part of the question? Elidibus reflects on this, as well as the rest of Sheppard's answer. If it is all to be taken at face value then with the man's notions of rest focusing solely on what comes at duty's end, it would seem Sheppard may be moving beyond simply feeling like he can't rest (whether goaded by compulsion or not).

And is tipping dangerously near the edge of losing even the concept of it.

Elidibus next begins with a nod.

"I would be surprised if there were few of us who do not wish to return to their homes. Whether to be with the ones we cherish and the familiar routines of that life or 'retirement' as you put it. That point which we lay down the burden of duty or passed it to another and spend the time left to us in peaceful reflection."

Expecting him to offer hollow comfort, like 'at least Rodney's here'? Well he won't. He knows better. And besides, this is not about making Shep feel good about his predicament at the expense of another. It is about unearthing fears and weaknesses so they can be realized and buffered against what is out there waiting to exploit those cracks.

Mostly. Elidibus has a few ulterior motives here and there.

"Rather than dwell on the end of the path you have chosen for your journey, I'd like to address matters of the present with another question. If there were means and time to bring some sense of your home's 'normalcy' to this star and your current life, on what would you first focus these efforts?"

There is a moment's pause before he decides to add.

"For the moment, if you'll indulge me, I would like to hear of more personal choices than ones which would directly benefit another over your own needs and desires."

“Probably not.”

The wry sarcasm is back, even for a moment.

But Elidibus’s question is…uncomfortable. He doesn’t know what to say at first, and lapses into silence.

“I don’t know, I think a lot of it can’t be brought here. I don’t feel at home on earth anymore, this earth counts as that. I wanna be out there, exploring.”

He goes silent a moment again.

“I guess the only thing that could make this place a little more bearable is maybe, somehow, the people. Teyla, Ronon, Carson…” he thinks of Elizabeth and it hurts. “Even people that we’ve lost. And while we’re at it, Atlantis itself for good measure. And a Puddle Jumper—the small ships we flew.”

A faint, longing smile on his face. Then it’s gone.

“Personal choices? What are those?” A weak laugh. “Flying again, mostly. Those Puddle Jumpers, a helicopter…surfing, dragging Rodney to play golf with me…”

Elidibus is learning an amount of information regarding Sheppard today. Besides a man of some military background which had been known before... that he hailed from an alternate reality of this Earth they find themselves a part of and the suggestion that this other place 'Atlantis' as it was called, was another world. Or at least a place on another world. It's all interesting, fascinating.

A faint excitement stirs in his chest and he wants to ask questions. He'd love to ask more... while his features don't show signs of the discord, one of his hands curl into a fist and tightens. He is not one to allow tells of his emotion to slip past unless he wishes to. This time is a rare exception and while he's quick to relax his fingers on noticing it, there's still a chance this was seen.

Elidibus continues as though nothing were amiss. "We both long for the familiar which is not here. Or what has been taken beyond our reach. I know little of these Puddle Jumpers. But helicopters, surfing, golf." He's done some reading up on the culture since his arrival. "These exist in some form or another. And your companion Rodney as well."

Of course this is obvious and the silver-haired man is not bringing it up to sound redundant.

"Of course some are easier to obtain than others," he begins. Of course flying a helicopter would probably not be easy to get permission to do with all the regulations this government has. Surfing? Requires adequate conditions for all they're on an ocean. Golfing with Rodney though, that one is certainly possible.

"A personal choice in this matter would be something that would be considered... selfish by most. At the very least would benefit you as much as it would anyone else who derived enjoyment from what you proposed." Elidibus shakes his head. "Forgive me. I've strayed too far from my query." Again with the faint smile.

"What runs through your mind if I were to suggest you take Rodney to spend a day at the nearest golf course?" Not 'you should do this'. Rather, what does Sheppard feel at the suggestion he can just... go do this.

"What runs through my mind? Well...Rodney probably either figuring out an excuse not to go, or complaining the entire time. He's not gonna play golf with me," he says with a very fond smirk. "As much as I want him to. I could buy a couple of RC cars and go RC car racing with him, now that's something he would jump at."

The fondness on Sheppard's face is evident, there in the way he talks about Rodney, in imagining some perfectly ordinary activities that don't involve horrible Entity-related disasters or arguing because of said horrible Entity-related disasters. The kind of all-encompassing fondness that's borne from someone who loves another very much.

John goes quiet a moment, staring at something that wasn't there, either forgetting Elidibus was in the room for a moment or just...drifting off.

Maybe he had forgotten how to have fun.

When was the last time he had any fun like this?

Could he even allow himself to? Could he even afford to 'take a day off' right now, as it were? This was war, wasn't it? In its own way, and if he let his guard down even once...

"This world sucks," he mutters, quite suddenly, brought back to the present.

Sheppard will find his moment of isolation in thought left uninterrupted. Elidibus is watching what expressions show themselves from fondness to reflection to the sharp clarity that heralds the return to reality.

"Hmm." It is a noncommittal, accepting the opinion of the world without weighing his own.

"Yet it would seem then there is a possible outing the two of you could venture upon regardless of this star's difficulties." Golf might be easy to 'let' Rodney talk Sheppard into not bothering with. But RC cars seem to provide less reasons to delay the matter until 'after all this is done'.

"I have studied the history of this world. And even in its darkest moments of war and strife, there were moments of respite for mortal man. As this Earth is similar enough to the one you once dwelled on, I would hazard it was not absent there." Not when toy cars and golf were duly mentioned as favored pastimes.

"As once my colleagues would take the occasion to remind me, even the most important of work needs be balanced with a moment's rest. To recover one's fortitude and remember that which we strive so hard to achieve." Every word rings true. One might even daresay with a touch of sad fondness for times long gone.

"The future is unknowable, for each path taken leads to a myriad of possibility. The choice is ultimately yours whether to continue as you are or find another way. Yet I will offer a warning. The path you seem to have chosen comes with great cost. When the time comes, you must be ready to accept that those you had hoped to see again may have left. Or that you may not be able to follow."

If Sheppard declines the chance to rest and spend time with his loved ones now, he may well never be able to do so. And perhaps that is known. Elidibus is simply voicing the stark reality of it.

Sheppard goes quiet. Almost too quiet, for a long stretch of time.

He knows that too well. He's lost too many people, knows exactly what it means when you put off that one last activity with them, that one last moment...

"You're right," he says quietly, something shining in his eyes. Unshed tears, maybe? He's thinking of the people's he's lost, like Elizabeth...if he had one more moment with her, with Ford...

"No, you're absolutely right. I need...I need a break. I've been fighting so hard, for so long, I almost forgot that those little moments are worth fighting for, too."

"I leave that matter in your hands, then," Elidibus answers. Of course he had respected Sheppard's almost-possibly-tears. It's not as if the silver haired man didn't find a moment to spend on his own cherised memory in the pause.

But after a time they should move on. And there is a matter which has been dwelling in the back of Elidibus's mind, growing stronger in the various pauses given where Sheppard took a while to think of responses or choices in his life. Yet this session is about what the military man wishes to speak of. Or at least, making sure he isn't overwhelmed too much when it comes down to unpacking it all in one session.

"As for our meeting, were there any other matters you wished to address today?" Sheppard's desires on where conversation goes should be given priority. Even if, as far as the session is concerned, he decides to stop here.

John shakes his head. Honestly, that was a lot already for him, he feels...like maybe he might have said too much, already? Or he's just not used to...sharing. Not used to therapy, anyway.

"Gotta keep some secrets for the next session, right?"

At least he hasn't been scared off to stop going all together...

Though there's a twinge felt at hearing Shep joke about 'keeping secrets', Elidibus doesn't let that flinch show.

"Quite so." Ever the faint smile and a nod of acknowledgement, but no signs of getting up immediately. There's still something else.

"At the risk of ill manners, there is something I would like to propose. It is on the matter of your arm. That which must needs be hidden behind illusion in this society."

There will be a short pause, as though acknowledging that bringing this up is probably unsettling. Not really because Elidibus seems to ever so casually know it's there. After all it's not exactly the best kept secret. But because it would easily fall under 'something that needs intensive therapy sessions to probe'.

Yet what if...

"If you are willing, I have a means to provide you with a replacement. Something which, while not your original human arm, will be far more recognizable and capable of acting as such."

That…he wasn’t expecting that.

John shifts, feeling the usual weight and annoyance of his crab arm suddenly now that it’s mentioned.

“What?”

It’s like a thought plucked from his mind. It had been getting more and more dangerous to have anything visibly non-human about him, and while he had been lucky with his hunt abilities—his feline traits and abilities were happily and easily hidden when he was well and could concentrate, he could do nothing for the crab arm except get a really big coat if and when the glamour was glitching out.

“You can…you can do that? How?”

Now that Sheppard seems very interested in what Elidibus has to say, the silver-haired man stirs in his seat. They're not too far away from each other, what with chair and couch, so he simply seems to be sitting up straighter.

"I'll understand if the concept is unfamiliar to you. My people are very proficient in magic. In addition we can manipulate aether, a rich energy abundant in all living stars, to will our desires into creation."

He offers this gently, quite aware of how it is probably something... alarming to the average person of this world. It wasn't even normal for mortals back home.

"Lest you misunderstand," Elidibus then adds as if this is going to make it better. "We possess a mere fraction of this birthright on Earth. Both by the limits of power we can draw from and our captors' shackles. But an arm, made with the concept of the technologies which have existed on our star, would be possible."

Especially now that it's a bit easier to openly use magic, thanks to the ADI's edict on generating fear from... well, bad people who apparently deserve it.

"So, magic."

It's just, that sounds like magic to him. But he's intrigued. And not even all that bothered. He's so used to feeding at this point, the necessary fear that needed to be generated doesn't bother him. It's fine.

"Wait, technologies? You use magic and technology?"

"Yes, to varying degree. While the form technology takes here on Earth is unusual, it was not entirely unfamiliar to me."

Elidibus won't trouble Sheppard with the details unless asked. Because they are complicated even when you don't throw in the curve ball of having lived through the rise and fall of ten to twelve thousand years of mortal civilization. Though he does seem to pause and perhaps compare the two briefly before speaking again.

"While there are many advantages to the blend of magic and technology not achieved or possible here, I would not claim it isn't to be admired nor particularly lacking. Circumstances aside, I have enjoyed having the opportunity to learn about it. But I digress."

Yes, back to the matter at hand before they go down a rabbit hole of comparing tech and magic and magitek.

"Regardless, there will be benefits. But also problems I must warn you of so you may make the choice cognizant of the price that will be paid."

Edited 2023-10-16 00:34 (UTC)

Log - September Catch-All

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