[video] ((backdated to the night of the 16th))

[bossyboiler]

Who: Kate Cordello
Username: cupkate
Warnings: Rated A for Angst.

Private Message to Yelena Belova

[ Kate is in the living room of apartment C2. Specifically, she is sitting on their sofa. ]

Hey there Yelena. Do you have a few minutes. I need to talk to you about something.

Comments

[musicdied]

[The contents of Yelena's mug differ slightly, but by the time she's done, it still probably resembles a milkshake more than it does coffee, which is just about perfect.]

Well, you do not look like you've been crying, so I'm guessing I don't have to kill him.

[She's joking. Mostly. Probably.]

[bossyboiler]

No no. There's no need for bloodshed.

[ Kate takes a sip of her coffee before continuing. ]

Tell me I'm being dumb.

[ Dumb about what Kate? ]

Tell me I shouldn't develop any significant feelings for him.

[ She walks over and sits down on the sofa. This is a conversation meant for sitting. ]

I mean, it's just a crush but...

[musicdied]

[Yelena follows in her wake, curling up on the opposite end of the sofa, one knee tucked up to her chest.]

You should not develop any significant feelings for him.

[It's utterly solemn. After a moment, though, one corner of her mouth quirks slightly upward.]

But I think 'feelings' is a very filthy word, so I would be saying that anyway.

[bossyboiler]

[ It's what she had said that she wanted to hear. She realizes it is not what she wants to hear as soon as Yelena had agreed with her. Maybe she needs to sus out things a bit better. ]

Why do you think the word feelings is gross?

[musicdied]

It was a joke. That I treat the word "feelings" like a curse word, because I don't have any.

[She shrugs, and takes a sip of her drink. Some jokes land. Others, not so much.]

Is it starting to be more than just a crush?

[bossyboiler]

[ Yelena! ]

Who jokes about this with you? I want names.

[ She won't have that kind of talk. She already has one roommate who believes that they are not a person. She doesn't want Yelena to have similar feelings. It's not a joke that lands at all for Kate who really does want some names. ]

Maybe. I mean, having a crush on someone is normal. But something more than that is terrifying for a number of reasons. You know I don't have the best track record with relationships.

[ Her last boyfriend, the one she had over two years, had up and ghosted her. ]

[musicdied]

I know someone should take a bat to some of your exes' kneecaps.

[That...is only halfway joking. Maybe.]

But I think going beyond just a crush is terrifying even for people who haven't had relationships end badly. If it's more than that, if you want more than that, then you have something to lose.

[bossyboiler]

[ She still wants names Yelena! ]

Someone should have. I should have. If you're ever on my Earth, I'll let you do it. As a treat.

[ It's just girl talk. What's more girly than talking about breaking someone's kneecaps? Nothing! ]

I mean. I don't know what I mean. Why is this so hard? I mean I know that I like him. I feel like I can be a little vulnerable around him and that's terrifying too. Imagine me without all of the control? That's crazy. Right? Maybe it isn't. I don't know.

[ She leans against the back of the sofa. Why is this so hard? ]

[musicdied]

It isn't crazy. You deserve to not have to be in control all of the time.

[She pauses, then grins, quick and impish.]

Then again, maybe he is into someone else having all the control. I haven't spoken to him much, but some men are.

[bossyboiler]

[ Does she deserve that? She isn't sure about that either. ]

Yelena!

[ Having imagined everything and anything that her comment had suggested in the blink of an eye, Kate turns a little red in the face. She's not quite scandalized, however. ]

That's not what I meant.

[musicdied]

Are you sure? Not even a little bit what you meant?

[She takes another sip of her hot chocolate, eyeing Kate over the rim of the mug.]

[bossyboiler]

Well. Maybe a little.

[ She buries her face in one of her palms. What is she going to do with you, Yelena? ]

You keep me honest. Thank you.

[musicdied]

Which is the exact opposite of the effect I usually have on people.

[But she's grinning when she says it. She enjoys occasionally being a bad influence.]

Have you talked about what you want to do? Or are you both just playing it by ear for now?

[bossyboiler]

You scare some people! It's a good skill to have.

[ She says with a laugh because Yelena is her bestie and Kate is ride or die for her.

And then she sobers a little. ]

No. We're kind of just playing it by ear. I like him but it's scary. There are so many things that could go wrong but I like him.

[musicdied]

[Her head cants slightly, and she studies Kate over the rim of her cup.]

What things are you afraid will go wrong?

[bossyboiler]

Um. I'm attached to an Entity. I haven't told him that. What if I become an Avatar? What if he becomes one? What if he disappears? What if I disappear? What if it just doesn't work out? He could just up and ghost me like Nic did. There's that possibility too.

[ She has lots of excuses doesn't she? ]

[musicdied]

[Yelena stretches out one leg to nudge Kate's knee with the ball of her foot.]

You are not going to become an Avatar. And he... [She pauses, nose wrinkling slightly.] Is he even attached to an Entity? He has some weird hobbies, but I think so does everyone in research. There's nothing about him that screams secret wizard.

[Okay, so she maybe investigated the guy a little. It's fine. Don't worry about it.]

[bossyboiler]

[ And she is so nudged. Maybe her examples were a bit too extreme. ]

I certainly don't want to become one. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill. [ A sigh. ] I don't think he is. He seems like an ordinary guy who is a bit of a history buff. Which is one thing that I like about him. I haven't noticed anything weird of off-putting about him.

[ Yelena. ]

[musicdied]

Good. But if he hurts you, I am still going to break his kneecaps.

[She's...probably joking. Mostly.

Maybe.]

Taking away all the things you're worried could go wrong - do you want a more serious relationship? With anyone?

[bossyboiler]

[ She takes Yelena's threat of broken kneecaps only half seriously. ]

And I'd feed rat poison to anyone who hurt you.

[ It's just girly things, threatening to hurt exes. ]

I don't know. I think the answer is yes. I mean it would be nice, having a hand to hold and a mouth to kiss but there's an awful lot of fear there.

[musicdied]

[She shifts slightly, drawing one knee up to her chest and hooking her arm around it.]

Make a list. Advantages on one side, disadvantages on the other.