Birthday Regrets

[failedpromise]

Who: Cortana and you
When: November 7th
Where: ADI
Summary: It's Cortana's 11th birthday! Someone thought it would be a good idea to announce this, and her age, to everyone by having a cake brought to the ADI breakroom.
Warnings: Possibly none, but age is an incredibly loaded topic for smart AI, so there's a possibility of mental illness, terminal illness, euthanization, and other fucked up topics coming up. Will warn in thread if they do.

Let it be known that Cortana had no part in this.

In fact, for the first part of the day she has no idea what's going on at all, just that a lot of people seem to be smiling and waving at her. It's not until someone says Happy birthday! followed by Are you really only 11? that she realizes what must have happened. A few panicked-to a degree that's probably surprising since it's literally just a birthday announcement-questions later and she's making a beeline for the breakroom only to find ...a big birthday cake. Yes, really. It says happy 11th birthday Cortana, or it would if part of the words hadn't already been cut away and eaten.

It's a wonderfully thoughtful gesture... but, judging by the swearing Cortana is doing, not a particularly appreciated one.

(ooc: Birthday log! Feel free to have your character stumble across Cortana freaking out over the cake as per the prompt, or you can wish her a happy birthday yourself, ask her about her age, whatever. Person who had the cake brought in is Steve Rogers.)

Comments

[worthallthis]

Winter never turns down cake. Unless it's lemon cake. He doesn't much like lemon cake. So he's one of the guilty parties with a plate in hand when Cortana starts swearing.

He looks baffled, and a little concerned. "Cortana. What's wrong. It's just cake."

[failedpromise]

She turns and stares at him for several moments, a combination of emotions (shock, outrage, exasperation, amusement, whatever you'd call that feeling of being glad that at least her friends are getting some joy out of this) darting across her face before she finally takes a deep breath, pinches the bridge of her nose, and sighs.

"It's not-" It's not the cake she almost says, then stops. Starts again. Thinks about how she's pretty sure she knows who did this because there are very few people who know her age here, and how maybe she shouldn't be getting mad when she didn't want to tell them the more distressing details about the Smart AI aging process so they'd know not to do this and how she definitely should not let herself go overboard badmouthing this person to Winter. Sighs again, burying her face in her palm. "Age is ...a loaded topic for Smart AI."

[worthallthis]

He'd been watching her kind of warily while she tried to decide what to say. And when she finally did, he says carefully, "Loaded usually means 'bad'. Are you okay?" He will unleash hair-petting if she needs it. Maybe even hand-holding, he can do that. It'll be hard to still eat his cake, but he will sacrifice immediate cake eating for her.

[failedpromise]

"I'll be fine, Winter." And it's true, she will be. It's just ... hard. Hard to remember that no one here knows or cares about Smart AI lifespans. Hard to think about how now everyone knows the truth about her age, even if they don't have the knowledge to make that a danger.

"It's just ..." She sighs, looking around. "It's probably better not to talk about this in a public place."

[worthallthis]

Winter nods knowingly. "Okay. I'm going to grab another piece of cake. Then I can walk you wherever you want. So you don't have to stand in here and look at it."

He frowns at said cake, and adds, "Not sure why Steve thought a cake was the thing to do, anyway. It's not like you can eat it." Which is, as far as he's concerned, a cruel fate for her. "Does electricity have a taste? Maybe we can figure out a way to make cake-flavored electricity for you."

[failedpromise]

"You know, if everyone ate as much cake as they wanted, the part with my age on it wouldn't be visible for very long..." Is that a hint that Winter should go wild? She knows he likes sweets.

It's also tacit permission for anyone listening in to eat as much cake as they please without caring about leaving any for anyone else. Make it disappear. She doesn't want people to know she's eleven.

"He probably thought it would be a fun way to celebrate, possibly to tease me about my age. I didn't tell him about how ...unkind it is to bring it up." And then Winter says the bit about electricity and she's immediately distracted as she can't help but snort. "I don't think it works that way."

[worthallthis]

"It should work that way, you should be able to have options for how you. How you recharge," Winter sniffs. It's not fair that any person would have to eat the same thing every day. He does take a generous second piece, as close to the age number as he can, and nods for her to lead the way.

[punched_hitler]

A little swearing might have been okay, and in good fun. But Steve's starting to think... "I didn't mess up, did I?" he asks, looking appropriately sheepish. "Be honest."

He hadn't meant to take it too far, and everyone has different limits, after all.

[failedpromise]

Cortana turns and looks at Steve, the anger already melting away. It's not his fault, she knows - she never told him about Smart AI lifespans.

"It's fine. I mean, it's not - Smart AI aging is a loaded topic - but it's not like I told you about any of that. In fact, almost no one here knows anything about how we age - I'm the only Smart AI."

So like, it's not even bad to have her age announced like this, it's just not something she's super comfortable with or ready for.

[punched_hitler]

Yeah, that sounds a little like he'd messed up, if unintentionally.

"But it's still loaded," he hazards, looking appropriately sorry. "I didn't even think."

Which is, you know. Something that he fails to do, from time to time. "I'm sorry - I guess, at least if no one knows, they won't really think it's important? That doesn't really make it better, though, I know."

Cortana knows. That's what matters.

[failedpromise]

"I didn't exactly give you a reason to think, Steve."

Really, she didn't tell him. She probably should have just kept her mouth shut and not told him her birthdate at all.

"That's what I'm hoping. I really don't want to have to have that conversation." Or possibly have someone try to kill her or get ADI to imprison her...

[punched_hitler]

He nods - then glances back to the cake. "Want me to eat the piece with the numbers on it?"

That would be... like, a third of the cake. And he's not a super soldier anymore. But, you know. Needs must.

Maybe the mental image will at least make her laugh.

[failedpromise]

Okay, she can't help - she bursts into giggles at that. Sorry buddy, but just the image of you trying is too funny.

"I don't actually want you to get sick, so maybe not? Just one of the numbers might work, though..." Make it hard to tell what the original age was supposed to be.

[edalyn]

Eda heard there was free cake--and she's not one to turn that down, regardless of whether she happened to know or like the person having a birthday.

She blinks as she walks into the room and sees Cortana... swearing at a cake? From where she's standing she doesn't actually see what it says, just the distressed seeming AI.

"...Would it help if I tell you you're not missing out on much?" Okay, she can guess it's probably about something other than the fact that (if she's remembering right?) Cortana doesn't eat. But it's still the guess that comes to mind, so she just rolls with it.

[failedpromise]

She starts, turning around. Great, another person about to learn something she really didn't want to share!

"It's not about the cake, it's ...nevermind." Eda will see soon enough anyway. Trying to keep her from finding out is just gonna make her more curious.

[edalyn]

"Alright, then what's..." Eda was on her way to take a slice of cake while asking, before she trails off, looking at the cake and raising an eyebrow.

"Hang on, eleven? Or was there another digit that got eaten?" If there wasn't, that's at least kind of weird. Assuming they actually count time the same way where Cortana is from anyway.

[failedpromise]

She puts her hands on her hips and does a mock offended expression.

"Do I really look over a century old?"

She is absolutely eleven. An eleven year old adult, yes, but still. Eleven.

[edalyn]

"About as much as you look eleven," Eda quips back, shrugging before reaching to cut herself a slice of cake.

Neither answer fits what Cortana looks like, and Eda has no idea how AI actually age, so they both seem equally likely. One of these answers is less vaguely awkward than the other, though.

[failedpromise]

"True, but I am eleven. Human years, even." She may have just realized how this could be awkward. She may have also just decided that that's funny, and if she has to deal with her age being out she's going to at least get some amusement from it.

"Just to clarify, so you don't go thinking I come from a planet where the years are extra long."

[friendsfordinner]

Hickey looks at the cake. Then looks at Cortana swearing. Then looks back at the cake again.

"Mate, if you're pissed off about this, I will happily eat that cake so you don't have to look at it."

Is it weird that she is 11? Yes. But does a grownass woman being 11 fit in with ADI's normal level of bullshit? Also yes. And is Cornelius Hickey going to turn down free food? Hell no, give him that damn cake.

[failedpromise]

Okay, that gets a laugh, once she's done being shocked.

"Go ahead, buddy." And then she smirks. "It might actually be amusing to see how much you can manage."

[friendsfordinner]

"It's free food," Hickey shrugs, as he goes to cut himself a slice of the cake. Free cake, he's not an idiot. "And I'm not going to turn down any food offered."

He takes a large bite of cake, smiling happily as he does so.

CW: Mention of aliens eating people

[failedpromise]

"You know, I'm pretty sure there are foods out there that would make you take that statement back." Seriously, Humans (and also the Covenant, though she doesn't really know much about their eating habits beyond them enjoying the taste of Humans and sometimes even each other ... which she doesn't know Hickey wouldn't be bothered by) eat some really gross stuff.

[friendsfordinner]

Hickey gives Cortana a little chuckle. It's the sort of chuckle given by someone who's aware of the joke. Who thinks that the other person said something funny that they don't even realize is funny.

"No," he says, with a little shake of his head. "There aren't. D'you know where I was before I came here? Starving to death." He takes a bite of the cake, talking with his mouth full as he continues, "It won't happen again."

CW: Brief mention of foodstuff likely to be considered gross

[failedpromise]

Cortana blinks.

"I'm going to assume that that's not hyperbole, in which case, fair enough." She does know a bit about famines, starvation, and what people will do in those situations. Even if she's never had to experience them herself.

She's also not going to ask for details. She's not sure she wants to know.

"Still, I bet if you had a table of different foodstuffs to pick from, maggot cheese wouldn't be your first choice."