Neal Caffrey || Log || September/October Catch-All

[conning]

Who: Neal and OTA/some for existing CR
When: September/October Catch-All (with one backdated August thing)
Where: ALL OVER ZE PLACE
Summary: SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER CATCH-ALL. Neal being bovvered by the sleep stuff and rescuing people/needing rescue, Evil Twin TDM prompts, sleepwalking after his murdered adoptive aunt, painting at Bonnie's, a couple of SOL prompts, DEATH BREAAAD both lead-up and hypersensitivity, some talk about mental health.
Warnings: HORROR STUFF.... Awful deaths, possibly drowning, murder of loved ones, gun violence, suicidal ideation, some ableism might crop up in the mental health threads. Toplevels will be labeled with likely subjects.

Prompts TBA below as they're finished! Feel free to PM me or message me at researchboner on plurk for specific prompts or with questions.

Comments

[abrightboy]

Of course there should be blood; Malcolm knows immediately what it means that there's not.

"It isn't human," Malcolm tells him. "Put it down."

[conning]

Neal drops the body. It lands with a corpselike thud. He takes a few steps back.

Heaves. Covers his mouth with both hands and fights off another wave of nausea. He hates throwing up. Hates it, even beyond the risk of leaving evidence behind that it would pose at a crime scene. He hates the feeling, hates the foulness of bile and the wrench of muscle and the smell. He deals with it for Malcolm because it's Malcolm, and Neal himself isn't the one doing it. But he hates it. Focusing on that lets him ignore the body, at least.

[abrightboy]

Malcolm doesn't ignore the body. He kneels down right next to it, peering closely at the wound as he extracts the knife. He frowns as something spills out of the creature's head, but it isn't blood.

He touches it, rubs it between his fingertips and looks up at Neal.

"Sawdust."

[conning]

Neal stares at him, uncomprehending for a moment. What he sees--more than the sawdust on the floor and Malcolm's fingers--is the back of his own head, dark curls thick and familiar in texture.

"You never actually see the back of your own head that much," Neal says dazedly.

And then his stomach somersaults and he makes it to the mercifully empty kitchen sink before he barfs.

[abrightboy]

"You're still not seeing that," Malcolm muses absently, inserting his finger into the wound.

[conning]

Even with the reminder that it's not actually his head, Neal can't bear to look for more than a moment. He cranks the water up as hot as it will go and turns on the garbage disposal, cringing away from his own mess as he whispers, "Please don't do that."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm looks over and points at it.

"It's full of straw," he says, fascinated.

[conning]

“I stabbed him,” Neal says faintly. It’s to Malcolm, like a reminder, but something else besides. A request Neal doesn’t know how to make.

[abrightboy]

"You stabbed a scarecrow," Malcolm tells him. "That was trying to kill you."

He picks up his knife and cuts into the creature's arm.

[conning]

The arm still gives like skin-covered cloth, regardless of what’s underneath.

For a second, Neal stands there, stunned into wordlessness. He’s never felt dismissed by Malcolm before. He’s never had a moment with the other man where there wasn’t some awareness of their feelings, both their feelings.

He can’t put words to it the way Malcolm did, but he realizes in some ways, until now, Gloucester has been better than home.

“I need some air,” Neal mumbles, and walks out.

[abrightboy]

That breaks the spell, the adrenaline-fuelled hyperfixation.

Malcolm drops the knife and gets up.

“Wait,” he says, stepping towards him, searching his face now, if he’ll turn. “Are you okay?” And he’s really asking, his own expression creased with concern.

He can tell, if he’s paying attention, but he’s as blind as everyone else when he’s not.

He’s paying attention now.

[conning]

Neal stops as soon as Malcolm starts to speak, before the wait is all the way out of his mouth. He turns a little more reluctantly, wanting to hide the injury to ego and more tender feelings. But Malcolm asked him to wait. Just like Peter, once upon a time, could get Neal to stay with a word. Now Malcolm has that power. He's not sure how to feel about the realization.

"Yeah," Neal says, very softly. "Yeah, I'm all right. I'm fine."

[abrightboy]

Malcolm's expression creases.

"No you're not."

He can see that plainly, now that he's looking, but Neal didn't want to tell him.

"I did something."

His face crumples a little further and he looks over his shoulder at the corpse and then at Neal.

"Is it because I stabbed it?"

[conning]

“No,” he says immediately, banishing the thought of the knife hitting the side of his mirrored face as best he can. Neal steps forward to touch Malcolm’s cheek. Flounders for a moment in the need to protect Malcolm from Neal’s own feelings.

“Just. I did, too. I stabbed him. I stabbed me.”

He looks away from the body on the ground, even though it’s fake. “I’ve never hurt anyone like that before.”

[abrightboy]

Malcolm’s eyes widen a little and he reaches up to pull Neal into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

[conning]

Neal folds into the hug, pressing his face against Malcolm’s shoulder, relieved of the need to pretend it doesn’t bother him. He makes a pained little noise and hates himself for it, then tries to laugh. It’s not convincing.

“You’d think I’d be okay with this stuff by now.”

[abrightboy]

“I hope you never are,” Malcolm tells him plainly, still holding on. “Do… do you want to leave until I can get it out of here?” He would take it down to ADI, so not far. “I wouldn’t need more than an hour.”

[conning]

Neal doesn't say anything right away. Just holds on. Breathes Malcolm in. The comfort, the solidity, the fact that he can be vulnerable without risk.

"All this time and I've never actually hurt anyone here," he mumbles.

Deep breath. He eases back a little to look Malcolm in the face. "Can you--do you need help, though? I mean, I know you're strong, but it's still... heavy. I imagine."

[abrightboy]

“I’ve disposed of a body before,” Malcolm tells him, like that’s not a weird thing to do that might make someone think less of a person. “It’s okay.” It’s not okay in that he still isn’t fine with what he did, but… it’s okay in that he knows what to do. “I can do it.” He’s at least certain of that.

[conning]

"We should tell someone though, shouldn't we? We should tell them about this."

When he hears dispose of a body it makes it sound clandestine. In a little while it'll click with him what it means that Malcolm has done as much, but not yet.

[abrightboy]

"I'm going to take it to ADI," Malcolm says. "It might not be the only one. If it can look like you, can they look like anyone?"

He urges Neal towards the door while still clinging to him, now that he doesn't feel like he might not walk back in it again if he goes.

"You could walk down to the coffee shop. Get me a hot chocolate?"

[conning]

"I can do that." He's still a little bit in shock. "I can do that. I'll get you a hot chocolate and come right back."

[abrightboy]

“Take your time,” Malcolm tells him. “It’ll be okay. It was… a monster. It hurt me on purpose, remember? Tried to break us up.”

[conning]

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “Yeah, I know. I do. But it didn’t feel like a monster when I stabbed it. It felt like a person.”

He bites his lip, takes a deep breath, tries to shake it off. “Hot chocolate, I’ll get you a hot chocolate.”

Neal kisses Malcolm. “I’ll be back.”

[abrightboy]

The kiss breaks and Neal turns to go and Malcolm grabs his sleeve.

"Neal! ...They wanted it to feel like a person, but... even if it was one, you were just protecting us. You were protecting us from a killer. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner. I just. I tried to give it a chance."