takashi shirogane (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
earthshine) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
apocalypsehowcomm2021-08-05 03:34 pm
earthshine) wrote in apocalypsehowcomm2021-08-05 03:34 pm
Entry tags:
[ closed ]
Who: shiro + keith
When: perm log for these idiots
Where: all over
Summary: say, say o playmate from the august tdm. the butcher's camp from the september tdm. quarter pounder from the september event. keith's birthday. hermy the wormy from the december tdm. in the hive from the december event.new year, new you from the january tdm. end of january, references january event.
Warnings:
say, o say o playmate: hallucination, blood, ritualistic sacrifice, claustrophobia.
the butcher's camp: animal death, animal mutilation, both human and animal butchery, implied cannibalism, stripping ( nsfw ).
quarter pounder: blood, animal attack, consumption of human flesh, violence, gore, body horror, potential for severe injury, including puncture wounds and broken bones, potential for choking, potential for animal death.
keith's birthday: boys being stupid.
hermy the wormy: worms, decay, altered mental states/compulsion, emotional corruption, potential for violence, body mutilation, attempted murder.
in the hive: insects/swarms, bites, vomiting, body horror, death ( npcs ), mental and physical trauma
new year, new you: self-doubt, body dysmorphia trauma, cringe talk about sex safety, hook-up culture, body modification ( steroid and synthol oil use ), mention of drug use
end of january: implied animal death, self-doubt, body image issues, body dysmorphia, self-harm, body mutilation, skin burning, drug use mention ( tren steroid ), implied extreme dieting ( starvation & dehydration ), nsfw ( heavy petting and nudity ). reference to shiro's scars.
When: perm log for these idiots
Where: all over
Summary: say, say o playmate from the august tdm. the butcher's camp from the september tdm. quarter pounder from the september event. keith's birthday. hermy the wormy from the december tdm. in the hive from the december event.new year, new you from the january tdm. end of january, references january event.
Warnings:
say, o say o playmate: hallucination, blood, ritualistic sacrifice, claustrophobia.
the butcher's camp: animal death, animal mutilation, both human and animal butchery, implied cannibalism, stripping ( nsfw ).
quarter pounder: blood, animal attack, consumption of human flesh, violence, gore, body horror, potential for severe injury, including puncture wounds and broken bones, potential for choking, potential for animal death.
keith's birthday: boys being stupid.
hermy the wormy: worms, decay, altered mental states/compulsion, emotional corruption, potential for violence, body mutilation, attempted murder.
in the hive: insects/swarms, bites, vomiting, body horror, death ( npcs ), mental and physical trauma
new year, new you: self-doubt, body dysmorphia trauma, cringe talk about sex safety, hook-up culture, body modification ( steroid and synthol oil use ), mention of drug use
end of january: implied animal death, self-doubt, body image issues, body dysmorphia, self-harm, body mutilation, skin burning, drug use mention ( tren steroid ), implied extreme dieting ( starvation & dehydration ), nsfw ( heavy petting and nudity ). reference to shiro's scars.
i am still mad you made me hunger for cream puffs last night
I thought you were trapped there! When I finally got out of the tunnel, I looked and the slide was just gone and you weren't anywhere in sight! I thought -- [ keith hangs his head for a moment, hands curling into fists again. the thought of throwing a second punch is counterbalanced only by shiro's betrayed indignation. one deep breath, then another for good measure and: ]
I thought I'd never see you again. [ here, keith holds eye contact for as long as he can stomach before looking away with a more subdued: ] I don't need you to be a hero. I just need you to be here.
AND YET you just ate one!
yes, he thinks, but not for himself. there’s obligation in him needing to figure out his past, only in that he can better understand the tech masquerading as his arm and of course, remembering more of the inner workings of the galra and of haggar, can only benefit the resistance. at the very least, maybe he’ll settle the panic always lurking underneath the surface and achieve the kind of mental fortitude worthy of the leader of voltron. he can’t have another freak out like he did with sendak or worse, freeze in the midst of battle as he’s done already.
his mental stability isn’t what he’s focusing on in the present moment though. it’s keith’s.
he won’t apologize for doing what he thought was required in the moment. he was protecting keith and by extension, the future of voltron. as far as shiro is concerned, he acted as he should have. but even in thinking that, that defensive air about him dissipates and his expression softens with understanding. of course he sympathizes; keith’s abandonment issues always have a way of giving his heart a sharp pang.
here, he sighs and then pushes himself up. keith is quite literally in his lap, so it’s easy enough to get his arms around him and nestle him into his chest with a squeeze. ]
Believe me -- no part of me likes the idea of leaving you alone. [ not that he needed more reason, but now he’s even less inclined to tell keith about the stint on the desert wasteland planet and the purple lizard monsters that almost killed him. ] I’m going to do everything in my power to come back to you, promise.
[ a beat and then in hopes of lifting the mood, he gently reminds: ] I did before, right?
because YOU put the craving in my head!!
the risk had at least made sense when there was a universe at stake and losing one paladin was less detrimental than losing two. here though, they both need to prioritize staying alive first and foremost, and if that objective can't be met? then obviously the head of voltron is far less expendable than its temperamental right hand. keith breathes out, sighing heavily into the fabric of shiro's shirt and grips tighter. ]
I know.
[ shiro's escape from the galra and return to earth had been a goddamn once in a lifetime miracle. but what keith doesn't say here is that the galra, however powerful they may be, are still bound to some constraints of reality. whatever happened to them just now? sure, there are some plausible bullshit explanations about wormholes and elaborate mindgames revolving around live sacrifices, but it's not... regimented in the same way. logical, comprehensible, and thus breakable. ]
I just can't lose you here, okay? [ keith allows himself another tick of this self indulgent hug and finally lets go. ] And more importantly, the team needs its leader.
[ so if someone has to take the fall, it'll be keith. but he knows better than to say that. ]
... you're welcome c:
And its second-in-command, red paladin.
[ it’s said kindly, but there’s more to it than encouragement. it’s a reminder meant to reinforce him being leader. second -- perhaps it isn’t fair of shiro to expect their current partnership to follow the same dynamic they have within voltron, but shiro is still going to try pulling rank on keith whenever it best suits him. he wants to right now. he made the call because he’s team leader, end of story, done deal. keith shouldn’t question the decision; he should trust shiro and accept the orders he’s given without rebuke. but then he wouldn’t be keith, huh?
besides, shiro fully anticipates keith being the one to call the shots someday, so there’s little benefit in brow beating that independent thought into blind subordination. he wonders if it would be a good moment to tell keith as much: that he once told another version of keith that he wants him to lead voltron when he’s no longer capable, whether that be from death, black no longer accepting him, or the fragility of his mind rendering him a liability.
probably not. not when they’re both reeling from whatever the fuck they just escaped from.
so he lets leader and second stand as they are, and stays the course of the current conversation, sticking close to his reasoning of keith being just as valuable, if not more. ]
You’re just as important to the team, Keith, I’ve already told you that. [ he unwraps his hold, sliding his hands round to settle on keith’s thighs. smiles crookedly. ] And you’re my friend. You can’t stop me from wanting to look after you.
[ holds for a beat and then pats his palms against the side of his thighs, as a wordless encouragement of up. ready to climb off and get to their feet? ]
.... grumbles into infinity
R-right. [ at least at face value, of course every paladin is a valuable member of the team. forming voltron requires five paladins to work in conjunction with each other to fly. ranking individual paladin's values is a pointless thought exercise in that regard, but... of course there's a 'but.' keith clears his throat, trying not to make the unspoken quite as obvious this time as he moves on. ]
Well, you can't stop me from wanting to look after you either. Looks like we're at an impasse there.
"you are a treasure trove of curses and hilarity"
run, i’ll hold it off -- that’s what keith’s innate reaction had been. too bad shiro’s already called dibs on being the expendable one between the two of them.
he‘s still got that smile going but there’s no joy in it, just an exhausted kind of exasperation. he pushes himself to his feet, slowly brushing clumps of mulch from the seat of his pants and the back of his shirt. it’s on the tip of his tongue: the gateway to an argument. they can’t be at an impasse. agree to disagree -- no. they can’t be caught squabbling in a high risk situation like that again.
but it all comes back to what he first thought: he can’t stop keith. besides, they aren’t out of that high risk situation just yet either. for all they know, they might walk into another portal if they dally here too long. it’s time to leave. ]
Guess so. [ hands come round and he flicks a stray wood chip from the front of his shirt, smoothing out the hem soon after. a sigh. ] We’ll hash it out later. [ maybe? he raises his gaze then, catching keith’s. ]
I’d rather get out of here right now, to be honest. [ a beat and a slight turn toward the path they came up. ] So -- back to headquarters?
this was such a mistake
ugh. maybe it'll be funny when there are days between them and this incident. for now, keith just offers a nod in response. leave? yeah, ok. he tucks the bayard away, shoves his hands in his pockets and starts to walk. ]
Fine.
[ it's flatter than it should be. all things considered, this is a victory, right? they confirmed the spooks, got away mostly unscathed. but his head hurts and there are too many words still competing to get out of his mouth. most of them, keith reserves for the adi agent who had the misfortune of being on duty when they get back to headquarters. he doesn't hold back on his diatribe, letting the poor dude know in no uncertain terms that he and everyone else at adi who authorizes these missions are lower than fucking scum for sending people out on investigations without proper equipment or briefings,
in the end, that doesn't even bring him any catharsis. it's only much later when they're back in their apartment, cleaned up and far away from bureaucracy that keith starts feeling less like yelling. of course, there's still the issue of "later" with shiro, but that never seems to happen. instead there are two ramen cups on the kitchen counter and a friendly invitation to eat them together on the balcony.
if that's meant to be a gentler lead in to some deeper discussion, even that never happens. instead the conversation stays light -- joking even, and it's only then that keith lets go of the tension in his shoulders and manages to joke back. ]