[ closed ]

[earthshine]

Who: shiro + keith
When: perm log for these idiots
Where: all over
Summary: say, say o playmate from the august tdm. the butcher's camp from the september tdm. quarter pounder from the september event. keith's birthday. hermy the wormy from the december tdm. in the hive from the december event.new year, new you from the january tdm. end of january, references january event.
Warnings:
say, o say o playmate: hallucination, blood, ritualistic sacrifice, claustrophobia.
the butcher's camp: animal death, animal mutilation, both human and animal butchery, implied cannibalism, stripping ( nsfw ).
quarter pounder: blood, animal attack, consumption of human flesh, violence, gore, body horror, potential for severe injury, including puncture wounds and broken bones, potential for choking, potential for animal death.
keith's birthday: boys being stupid.
hermy the wormy: worms, decay, altered mental states/compulsion, emotional corruption, potential for violence, body mutilation, attempted murder.
in the hive: insects/swarms, bites, vomiting, body horror, death ( npcs ), mental and physical trauma
new year, new you: self-doubt, body dysmorphia trauma, cringe talk about sex safety, hook-up culture, body modification ( steroid and synthol oil use ), mention of drug use
end of january: implied animal death, self-doubt, body image issues, body dysmorphia, self-harm, body mutilation, skin burning, drug use mention ( tren steroid ), implied extreme dieting ( starvation & dehydration ), nsfw ( heavy petting and nudity ). reference to shiro's scars.

Comments

cw: drug mention

[marmoron]

[ this time, keith does change a stray glance down at their hands. pinkies locked and intertwined, he can't help thinking that it looks good... but also that it isn't enough. the thought rises and keith is quick to discard it with no small amount of guilt. everything is enough with shiro, after all. he clears his throat, eyes back on the ceiling. ]

... I guess, I just don't know what I'm supposed to say if he asks me what I do. [ exhaling slowly, he tries not to fidget and keep his fingers still. ] You know? I can't say that I'm from another reality or that I'm trying to keep the apocalypse from happening. It waird enough pretending to be a college kid when I took that sandwich gig.

[ keith trails off, embarrassed yet again. in retrospect, this could have been prevented if keith hadn't assumed the job was so shitty that the place wouldn't ask about his credentials. would have helped even more if he hadn't blurted the first thing to come to mind when asked about his major either. ]

Pretty sure Bob just thought I wanted the money for weed.

[ protip: don't answer geology and say you picked it because you "uh.. like rocks and stones." ]

[earthshine]

[ some punk kid with no papers and an inability to pull off a convincing lie – yeah, shiro has a pretty good idea of how that job interview went. the clusterfuck that followed that day job is traumatic to say the least – even now, shiro feels a shudder run down his spine when he thinks dogtown, pit, and bodies – but if he breezes by that and digs further into his memorybank, there is a pristine image of keith decked out as a sandwich. here, shiro gets tripped up on it for a few moments, smiling despite everything else threatening to pull his mood down.

three, two, one…

he laughs once with a puff of breath and then, just like that, the amusement ebbs into oblivion, leaving him once again pep talking himself through this pep talk for keith. if anything, the mention of bob should be sobering. again, he wonders if association with anyone outside of adi should be discouraged, seeing as their combined history does support the risk it poses. it isn’t one-hundred percent though, is what he tells himself and as before, he winds up tipping further to the side of not lecturing keith on how to conduct himself with the outside world.

instead, he goes with gentle coaxing, first by rolling onto his side, knees pulled up in a slight curl and second, by fixing his gaze on keith’s face. ]

You have a choice to make then.

[ his mouth tugs harder to one side for a sympathetic smile. ]

Either you’re okay with lying about who you are or you’re not.

[ because keith’s right, he can’t let jules or any other potential meet on grindr know who or what he is. ]

If you are… then we start there and give you a story.

[marmoron]

[ shiro shifts and keith turns just his face to look across. instantly, there's eye contact and keith feels a little caught, unable to look away without being obvious about it. ducking his head slightly to cover the bob of his throat while he swallows, keith drags in a deep breath and holds eye contact. ]

I... don't like lying.

[ he mumbles, again trying to keep his hand still. on a superficial level, he realizes this whole thing is ridiculous. he isn't after a relationship with jules or anyone else on grindr and honesty is hardly mandatory between strangers who might never see each other again.

but as is so often the case, keith isn't necessarily talking about jules anymore. he doesn't like lying to shiro, even if it's really just lying by omission. but what good is telling shiro the truth about the night after the festival when it's pretty self explanatory that nbody wants to hear about how they drunkenly kissed their brother? ]

It makes everything complicated.

[earthshine]

[ of course he doesn’t like lying. he’s not very good at it. it’s likely one of the few things shiro can say he’s better at than keith is. ]

Mmm.

[ not quite agreeable, definitely noncommittal, shiro drags the sound in his throat and blatantly ignores how accurately it describes his own, current predicament. ]

But you still want to meet up with him. [ his smile is still slanted and just as sympathetic. so the obvious suggestion is out: call off the date. shiro breaks first by skirting his gaze down, staring at the span of comforter between them. a soft, barely audible puff of breath later and shiro rolls right back to his original position, pinky still caught up in keith’s. eyes blink up and he finds the ceiling once more. ]

He might not even ask.

[ for a date he would. for a hook-up he wouldn’t. keith is conflating the two and it’s confusing, trying to gauge what it is this jules person is anticipating without having the conversation between the two laid out before him. shiro is all about having a back-up plan however. ]

And if he does, keep it vague. [ this time, he turns his head to look at keith. ] You work for a corporation focused on city maintenance. [ a beat, then an almost teasing: ] You’re in the tech department.

[ with that, he turns his head to face the ceiling again. ]

Then you change the subject.

[marmoron]

[ keith watches as shiro turns away, pinky curling tighter in a silent don't go. even a moment later when it's apparent shiro isn't going anywhere, keith finds that panic hard to quell. heart beating fast, he listens but he's not really hearing the words. hooking another finger around shiro's, keith takes a calming breath then nods silently. ]

Okay.

[ a beat, another breath, then a squeeze of shiro's fingers. ]

Thanks for the advice.

[ and this is where the conversation could have ended, but part self conscious for having spent so long talking about his own problems and part genuinely curious, keith turns the question around on shiro. does shiro miss being with people in that way? the ensuing admission of a yes ends in a joke about shiro trying out grindr for himself.

hollow is certainly a way to feel about it, but it's aldo the wrong way to feel. what's the right way then? glad that shiro's coming out of his post-broken engagement shell? a stray mumble about grindr being redundant on account of jimmy's existence on keith's end somehow turned into an even odder conversation about jimmy's existence on his conspiracy wall and the nature of hook ups and dates when feelings are or aren't involved.

keith doesn't know exactly what to make of it, but it hurts his head to look for the meaning between the lines. it'd be mean to date someone who has feelings for you that you don't share. it makes sense, of course. but somehow it just seems like the answer is to just not admit to feelings in the first place.

as if finally realiizing, keith pulls his hand free from shiro's and forces a smile. as forced as that one might be, the sentiment of i'm tired that follows isn't. handing rocketman back to shiro and picking up his own hippo, keith gives shiro a hug goodnight and turns to go to his own room. ]