Leave me here, Burning with you (Open)

[bloodalwaystells]

Who: Andrew Jaeger bloodalwaystells and Everyone!
When: Late April-May
Where: Various locations
Summary: Catch-all for post-assassination and TDM events
Warnings: Scars, hospital setting, burn wounds, mentions of violence, murder, and torture, burned bodies, more will be added as needed!

((OOC: Open to planning, just PM or brimstonemuse to discuss ideas and set up a starter! I will match brackets or prose, as desired!))




The Infirmary ((Approx April 23-30, after this thread)) CW: Burn wounds and other damage, hospital setting


It's not the first time that Jaeger has been hurt in the line of so-called "duty", and it won't be the last. Normally, it's something he can fix, but not anymore. Not here, especially since using his powers is partly what got him into this situation in the first place.

So, a hospital bed is home for a while, until he is steady on his feet and showing signs of good healing. He's being kept in the infirmary ward for some fairly severe burns, and some rather mysterious internal damage that has him occasionally coughing blood. Bandages cover one arm and his side and chest, and there's a quietly beaten, haggard look to him that the big man seldom allows to show. Painkillers help, and so do visitors, though his entirely inadequate hospital gown shows both a fine array of decorative-looking scars (well healed) on his arms, and the vicious mark across his throat that by now is starting to become common knowledge.

Visitors will be greeted with a wan smile, though, once word gets out that he's laid up. It's better than listlessly flipping through cable channels for something interesting to watch. Most of the time, he settles on a murder mystery or old western, though other times he'll simply doze through whatever's on the screen.


Well-Read - (May 1 - 12): CW: mentions of torture, murder, scars/scarification, Bad Magic

Being out of the infirmary is a relief for Jaeger, even if it means returning to something like chaos. He's still healing, though, still tentative and careful in the way he moves. A book fair, though? That's a good excuse to get out and about. Fresh air, a change of scenery, and hopefully, bringing back something interesting to read while he's still recovering a bit.

There's still bandages, but he's better. He'll continue to get better, he's resolute on that. He might be out of action for a bit, but certainly not too much longer. He hopes.

In the meantime, he'll be found browsing the offered books, especially the folklore and local history sections. Or, occasionally, hunched over a laptop, a rare deep scowl on his face as the questions flash by. Terrible, pointedly direct questions, that the computer has no business knowing.

Hello, Sebastian. May we call you that?
No.
Invalid answer. Hello, Sebastian. May we call you that?
No.
Invalid answer. Hello, Sebastian. May we call you that?
Yes.
Excellent! Welcome, Sebastian.

This is not the worst of the questions. Not even close to it. Do you still love your wife? gets a vicious glare, and by the time he gets to Why did you kill Claudia when she was already helpless? he's ready to throw the laptop. Or just wither and die on the spot...that's an option too. He's tired and overdue for his next pain pill and goddamn, sometimes this place is just awful.

Alternatively, he might catch a glimpse of your screen, even in spite of his best efforts not to pry. But it's really just a reading questionnaire, right? There's no harm in seeing what kind of questions they're- oh. Okay.


Training Wheels Off - (May 13 - 14) CW: burn wounds, burned bodies, claustrophobia


The Train

Jaeger has never been fond of flying, really. A train proves much more comfortable, even if it's slower, and he is still healing. Most of the bandages are off by now, but he's still just a little bit careful, a little bit tired. Three weeks is a good amount of time to heal, though, and his wounds are well on the way to becoming new scars across his chest and arm.

He's going to choose to take the time on the train to relax as best he can, to lose himself in the liminal space of travel. They're going to be on the train for a while so he may as well make the best of it.

Until things start getting weird, at least. Then he can be found on a slow patrol of the train, or standing sentry (or sitting sentry) at one of the ends of the train cars. Breaks are taken in the dining car, usually with a cup of apple juice or a bottle of water and gaze alert to the darkness beyond the windows.

At some point in the evening, after the chaos of the Tunnel Incident, Jaeger will return to his assigned sleeping car, and whoever his roommate for the trip might be. If it's someone he knows, he will be as cordial as ever...if it's someone he previously hasn't met, well, he'll still be friendly, if a bit reserved? But quick to introduce himself before stretching out his huge frame on the provided bedding with a deep sigh.



Burned Bridges

He's not hallucinating. He's pretty sure of that, and the sight of the body propped up by the tracks, contorted by intense heat into something barely human-seeming, is a strange and surreal shock after the night they've had. He's seen a lot of Weird Things In The Woods but a body always draws his attention right away. It's wired into him by now, with all the awful things he's seen, even though through the glass of a moving train car, it's oddly distant and surreal.

Until Jaeger sees the lower portion of a leg, and the whole thing snaps into focus. Untouched, unscorched, just laying there amid the charred, leathery mess of the rest of the corpse. "That's human."

Comments

[bloodalwaystells]

It's a study that's hard to accomplish when your powers are so often warped and twisted to something other than what they usually are. Combined with the need to feed the Powers, to make a very deliberate and difficult choice to let them in just a little more in exchange for what was normal before, it makes for a less than ideal situation. The best they can do is guess, gather what information they can, and extrapolate what they can from there.

It's far from perfect, and it leaves Jaeger as distressed as anyone else. Maybe more, because magic was a part of his senses, an extension of himself that he had trained with for as long as he can remember.

He's quiet for another moment, but this is worth talking about. It's the closest he's come yet to someone in this world who understands the experience, and with that, after a minute, comes the admission.

"I was raised into it, part of a...family tradition. An organization called the Brighter Dawn Foundation, that passed itself off in polite society as a charitable company. Dealing with a great deal of financial matters to cover their power and influence, and using that influence to manipulate both mundane and magical causes. Gaining access to young magicians early in their lives, carrying on the tradition of wealth and authority."

Not altruistic in the least, not at the core, no matter how visible their good deeds might be.

"And then, after that...after all that...I realized that I needed what they taught me, just to survive. It wasn't something I could put aside, and it wasn't just theory or study anymore. It was my life." There's a soft rustle as Jaeger shifts, puts his empty cup on the bedside table again.

[whisperedone]

A family tradition...a family called an organization. That sounded just a bit familiar, even the words chosen...but he wouldn't be so selfish to paint Jaeger's experiences with his own brush. It could very well be different.

It sounded as much like an affluent noble family as it did a cult.

"Forgive me if there is an emotional aspect to be considered, I have no wish to lessen that when I say that what you were taught is a tool. There is no harm in utilizing a tool to survive. Unless it is one that hurts others in the process."

Garner's hand comes up to rest over his chest, his thumb idly tracing a shape under the cloth of his shirt. "What is the cost of the tools that you were given? Your life's energy, yes, but is there more? I ask...because it was often repeated to me in my training that my soul and humanity might be forfeit as well as my life. That to hunt monsters, you must be monstrous. I am merely curious to the potential parallels." But if there was a tinge of hope in his question, a small desire to hear it might not be true, despite his acceptance of it, Garner certainly didn't notice.

A little more quietly even for him, he continues: "I am also curious to know if you left your organization."

[bloodalwaystells]

Jaeger never quite intended to enter this conversation, but he's there, and Garner...Garner understands better than most. He's not entirely sure that their powers are the same, that their versions of blood magic are both as corrupting and toxic, but just that basic understanding of the power of blood, that's something.

And Jaeger is tired, and slightly compromised by fatigue and pain and painkillers, so he'll keep talking. Garner is asking good questions, and Jaeger...honestly, he'd rather be able to answer and defend his own choices, than leave the whole thing splayed all over the place for someone to guess at.

"It is a tool, but a dangerous one. Many forms of blood magic in my world can be powered by harming others, and those that choose to do that often get addicted to the power. Sometimes, it leads to pacts with Creatures that feed on pain and are attracted to it, that will offer stronger magic in exchange for causing suffering in the world. For giving them a foothold."

It's a lot to say, and Jaeger reaches for his water again. Takes a sip.

"Some do manage to control it. For a while. I was lucky, I think if I had gotten further into the whole thing, I never would have been able to leave."

Because Easterbrook certainly would not have let any sins he committed go unnoticed. It would have just been more leverage, along with the fear and guilt and temptation and everything else tied into the whole thing.

A cult isn't far off from the truth, not at all.

"I left, when I finally understood what they were. It was very nearly too late, though, and they didn't let me go easily. That's why the scars. That's why I was on the run at home. Assassins, because I know too much to be allowed to be free."

[whisperedone]

He nods as he listens, the concepts Jaeger was touching on made sense and there were certainly some things back home that Garner knew of that were similar, but nothing quite the same. Even his own abilities -to his, admittedly more limited- knowledge, couldn't draw on other people's blood unless it was to harm them, not to power himself. And none in the Order had made deals with some other entity, again, that he knew of. That one he was perhaps even less sure of.

The rest, however, has Garner going a little more still and his hand curling lightly in his own shirt where it had been relaxed before. That part sounded very familiar.

There's some old, base, teaching in him that always rears up whenever he considers offering any information himself, some whisper in his mind he's only half certain isn't actually there, that tells him to horde and take information rather than give it away. Which is why he often doesn't listen. If it is one of the true whispers in his head, he doesn't want to do what they say ever, if he can help it.

Besides, Jaeger had been nothing but straightforward...and where else was he likely to find someone who actually understood?

Garner's hand relaxes off th material of his shirt and reaches for the back of his neck instead to pull the two necklaces he wore under the fabric free. One is clear a sun shape while the other more closely resembles a stylized hand. It's the hand he separates out and reaches over to place on Jaeger's bedside table.

"I think you will find I understand all too well. You have been forthcoming with me, I would like to return the favor, if that would be alright."

[bloodalwaystells]

It's both simpler and more complex in Jaeger's world, that blood is power. Life is power, and that spark can be exploited, used, stolen for dark purposes by one dedicated to that kind of darkness.

"I hope such things don't happen in your world, honestly. Because it's a cruel and vicious thing to do, to use someone else's life to power your magic. It's powerful, but monstrous."

And Jaeger had done it, though only under the very worst, most desperate of circumstances. His hands close lightly on the rough blanket covering him, before he schools himself to calm again. He is here, this is now. There is no fire, no blood, no strangling noose choking the life from him. Everything here is clean, and white, and smells of flowers and antiseptic. And that's so much better.

When Garner presents his necklace, though, it gets Jaeger's full attention. He shifts himself enough to get a good look, though neither symbol is familiar to him.

"Anything you want to share, I'll keep in confidence," Jaeger says resolutely. Garner can't see the look on his face, but it's solemn and steady. "I feel like you and I have more in common than most people, even in spite of our differences, and that's...it's comforting, in a strange way." His thoughts are still a bit chaotic and mismatched, with the drugs and trauma in his system, but this, he feels good admitting.

"So...I'm happy to listen."

[whisperedone]

"I wish I couldn't agree, but I do and...it is comforting, in a way." And bone-deeply chilling, but there's comfort in that too. Good, let some part of him be uncomfortable. Hopefully it's the part that wants to hide away in the shadows, the part they put there.

"I was born to a group called the Remnants. It was a cult, there's no other way to say it. Their existence is purely to worship and serve the Whispered One." Even now, even here, the name 'Vecna' doesn't make it past his lips. It's silly to think his eye could shift to this place, but he was a true god now, it wouldn't be smart to test it.

"I don't know my parents, no one in the village particularly looked like me so maybe I was stolen, it doesn't matter. They raised me, they were the only family I had and I served the Whispered One duitifully." He smiles, but it's thin. "To be clear, the Whispered One is not a good creature. He was a lich, a powerful necromancer seeking godhood and knowledge and his Rememnants were to aid him in those goals, no matter the cost of life."

He sits back a bit more with a sigh. "Two years ago in my world, he achieved his godhood through the aid of another group of Remnants. I had already sacrificed one eye in honor of him and, through it, I saw what he did: people fighting him for the good of others and life. It was...inspiring. Unfortunately, it took something truly awful to finally shake myself free."

He doesn't let his mind linger there too long, it wasn't a kind memory for anyone, himself or his victims. It was one better visited alone. "I was not...especially low in the hierarchy of the village. I had made a name for myself. I attempted to run away, but I was caught, lost my right eye, and thrown into a river that went over some falls. I should be dead...which I believe is the only reason there are no assassins to speak of."

There's a pause and his smile grows, though it's a little more self-depreciating. "I hope that was not too much. IT has been some time since I talked to anyone about it."

cw: mention of torture, violence

[bloodalwaystells]

Jaeger listens, and oh, so much of that hits familiar notes. Even if the situation isn't the same, there's enough parallels to feel like a story he knows too well.

Loyalty, dedication, pride, all to a poison cause. Because it was what they knew, what was supposed to be right.

"I have scars," he says quietly, after a moment. "From both being tortured, and having my throat cut when I tried to escape. I won, I lived, but it was...a very near thing."

It takes him a moment more, then he says, "And it's not too much. Maybe a bit too familiar, but, not too much." Another pause. "The awful things, as well. I won't ask, but I suspect we have that in common, too."

[whisperedone]

In the moment of silence between his being finished and Jaeger speaking up again, he expects the feeling of anxiety telling this story often caused. The small expectation that someone will react to the fact he was a cultist and be...upset? Judgmental? He's not sure, but something negative. With Jaeger, at least, Garner doesn't even think of that fear until it's too late to have felt it.

Jaeger was smart and observant, even if he felt any of those things, something in Garner said it wouldn't necessarily be negative.

What he says instead pulls a look tinged in sorrow for his friend and his hands curl together back in his lap to keep from wanting to reach out and find those marks. He hadn't known, you can't hear a scar.

"I suspect so, yes, and I appreciate not pressing. Maybe another time, but..." He probably shouldn't promise that much either, but if someone here might understand, it might just be this man before him.

"I am sorry they got their hands on you, that they hurt you. At the same time, I'm glad you were strong enough to get away, that they did not snuff out your light." There might be little more than sympathy and understanding to offer each other in any of this, but sometimes that was more than enough.

[bloodalwaystells]

It's strange to realize that Garner hasn't seen his scars, doesn't know just how damaged he is. Sure, his voice gives away a thing or two, but he's used to always, constantly hiding those marks from the gaze of "normal" people. Of those who flinch, stare, and then steadfastly avoid the topic.

And Garner doesn't do any of those things, even when Jaeger brings it up like an offering. It's something they both understand, and while that's terrible and regrettable, it's company that Jaeger hadn't realized he would value so much.

Jaeger nods quietly, another gesture lost on the other man, but when he speaks again his voice still holds the note of it, the simple agreement, acceptance.

"There are parts of it I regret, but I can't change it now. I can only go forward, and I've been lucky enough to be able to do that. It's been a little like learning life all over again, but I don't know that's all bad." It's hard, for certain, but hopefully worth the effort. Jaeger has to believe in that, because it's a reason to wake up every morning, to face his life and not just disappear into the bottle of a bottle until Easterbrook's Conservators find him.

"I know we haven't known each other long, but...if the time comes that you want to talk about it, I'm willing. It's been...good, finding someone else that understands these things. Even if it's terrible things." He reaches for his cup of water again, and takes a sip.

"Perhaps especially terrible things, because it's hard to talk about this sort of thing over morning coffee or casual work chat."

[whisperedone]

"It is not the friendliest of topics, no. Nor one that most will understand."

They're uniquely paired in that, at least, and beyond lucky to have a friend they might be able to go to for it. Not many could say that.

"Time for knowing someone does not always factor, sometimes you only need to know enough or the right things. I have not known you long, but I think I would trust you at my back without hesitation." And would perhaps trust him with the rest, eventually. That was maybe less a question of trust and more a concern for what he'd be sharing. There was unpleasant and then there was untenable. "I hope you know, too, that your offer is returned. I am quite good at listening, after all."

He gives a small smile and does finally reach out, a hand finding one of Jaeger's sheet-covered legs. "For now, however....perhaps it would be best if I let you rest."

[bloodalwaystells]

"That's it, exactly. It's not a world that most people see. Not just the magic, but the violence. I worked a job that encompassed both for a very long time, and while I kept most people in my life out of the worst of it...it was a very lonely existence at times."

He can't keep the melancholy out of his voice, revealing that. Pain and truth are both draining, and he's already in fragile condition. And that honesty, being able to share that, it's...refreshing. Even if it stings, it's cleansing in a way.

"I think I would trust you, too, and that's not something I say lightly. And I'm glad to have it." the smile is there, a faint play of upturn on his lips, and it's just as well that Garner can't see it because Jaeger isn't entirely sure what to do with it. It's a strange feeling.

Feeling...calm, like this. Accepting, and accepted.

"It's all a strange mess. But sometimes, it's exactly what we need, especially in a place like this. For all its horrors and troubles, at least there's the opportunity to meet others you never would have otherwise? And that's...good. It's something to get us through."

he feels like he's rambling a bit, now, spinning off into something only barely comprehensible, and it gets a quiet, husky laugh out of him, then a sigh.

"I think rest would be good, yes. As much as I like the company, they'll probably be bringing my next pain pill soon." There's a moment where he considers covering Garner's hand with his own, but he's not quite there yet. For the moment, he just accepts it, the weight of touch through the scratchy hospital blanket.

"It would probably do you good, as well, to get as much relaxation and healing in as you can while things are quiet." As quiet as they ever are, at least.