Leave me here, Burning with you (Open)

[bloodalwaystells]

Who: Andrew Jaeger bloodalwaystells and Everyone!
When: Late April-May
Where: Various locations
Summary: Catch-all for post-assassination and TDM events
Warnings: Scars, hospital setting, burn wounds, mentions of violence, murder, and torture, burned bodies, more will be added as needed!

((OOC: Open to planning, just PM or brimstonemuse to discuss ideas and set up a starter! I will match brackets or prose, as desired!))




The Infirmary ((Approx April 23-30, after this thread)) CW: Burn wounds and other damage, hospital setting


It's not the first time that Jaeger has been hurt in the line of so-called "duty", and it won't be the last. Normally, it's something he can fix, but not anymore. Not here, especially since using his powers is partly what got him into this situation in the first place.

So, a hospital bed is home for a while, until he is steady on his feet and showing signs of good healing. He's being kept in the infirmary ward for some fairly severe burns, and some rather mysterious internal damage that has him occasionally coughing blood. Bandages cover one arm and his side and chest, and there's a quietly beaten, haggard look to him that the big man seldom allows to show. Painkillers help, and so do visitors, though his entirely inadequate hospital gown shows both a fine array of decorative-looking scars (well healed) on his arms, and the vicious mark across his throat that by now is starting to become common knowledge.

Visitors will be greeted with a wan smile, though, once word gets out that he's laid up. It's better than listlessly flipping through cable channels for something interesting to watch. Most of the time, he settles on a murder mystery or old western, though other times he'll simply doze through whatever's on the screen.


Well-Read - (May 1 - 12): CW: mentions of torture, murder, scars/scarification, Bad Magic

Being out of the infirmary is a relief for Jaeger, even if it means returning to something like chaos. He's still healing, though, still tentative and careful in the way he moves. A book fair, though? That's a good excuse to get out and about. Fresh air, a change of scenery, and hopefully, bringing back something interesting to read while he's still recovering a bit.

There's still bandages, but he's better. He'll continue to get better, he's resolute on that. He might be out of action for a bit, but certainly not too much longer. He hopes.

In the meantime, he'll be found browsing the offered books, especially the folklore and local history sections. Or, occasionally, hunched over a laptop, a rare deep scowl on his face as the questions flash by. Terrible, pointedly direct questions, that the computer has no business knowing.

Hello, Sebastian. May we call you that?
No.
Invalid answer. Hello, Sebastian. May we call you that?
No.
Invalid answer. Hello, Sebastian. May we call you that?
Yes.
Excellent! Welcome, Sebastian.

This is not the worst of the questions. Not even close to it. Do you still love your wife? gets a vicious glare, and by the time he gets to Why did you kill Claudia when she was already helpless? he's ready to throw the laptop. Or just wither and die on the spot...that's an option too. He's tired and overdue for his next pain pill and goddamn, sometimes this place is just awful.

Alternatively, he might catch a glimpse of your screen, even in spite of his best efforts not to pry. But it's really just a reading questionnaire, right? There's no harm in seeing what kind of questions they're- oh. Okay.


Training Wheels Off - (May 13 - 14) CW: burn wounds, burned bodies, claustrophobia


The Train

Jaeger has never been fond of flying, really. A train proves much more comfortable, even if it's slower, and he is still healing. Most of the bandages are off by now, but he's still just a little bit careful, a little bit tired. Three weeks is a good amount of time to heal, though, and his wounds are well on the way to becoming new scars across his chest and arm.

He's going to choose to take the time on the train to relax as best he can, to lose himself in the liminal space of travel. They're going to be on the train for a while so he may as well make the best of it.

Until things start getting weird, at least. Then he can be found on a slow patrol of the train, or standing sentry (or sitting sentry) at one of the ends of the train cars. Breaks are taken in the dining car, usually with a cup of apple juice or a bottle of water and gaze alert to the darkness beyond the windows.

At some point in the evening, after the chaos of the Tunnel Incident, Jaeger will return to his assigned sleeping car, and whoever his roommate for the trip might be. If it's someone he knows, he will be as cordial as ever...if it's someone he previously hasn't met, well, he'll still be friendly, if a bit reserved? But quick to introduce himself before stretching out his huge frame on the provided bedding with a deep sigh.



Burned Bridges

He's not hallucinating. He's pretty sure of that, and the sight of the body propped up by the tracks, contorted by intense heat into something barely human-seeming, is a strange and surreal shock after the night they've had. He's seen a lot of Weird Things In The Woods but a body always draws his attention right away. It's wired into him by now, with all the awful things he's seen, even though through the glass of a moving train car, it's oddly distant and surreal.

Until Jaeger sees the lower portion of a leg, and the whole thing snaps into focus. Untouched, unscorched, just laying there amid the charred, leathery mess of the rest of the corpse. "That's human."

Comments

[bindlestifflost]

He nods again, not much in his staid demeanor changing. There's a certain recognition in his eyes of the cost of such things, no lack of empathy in the concerned way his brows lower and stay there. "I don't reckon that's ever the sort a' thing a man gets used to talking about." It's not like words change anything. Deeds stick and stay.

"Or having done, no matter how necessary." Maybe he feels a little bit wrong or hypocritical encouraging him to talk about his own heaviness without offering up in turn. It's not the same thing, and it's not about him. It's reason enough to hold his own thoughts close.

"It should bother you. If it didn't...I don't think that'd say nothin' good. What do you think?"

cw: scars, knives, torture

[bloodalwaystells]

Jaeger stops where he stands, and wordlessly pushes the sleeve of his shirt up to his elbow. There's nothing hostile about the gesture: just resigned, weary. He doesn't enjoy any of this.

Jaeger's entire forearm is covered with distressingly clean, clear white scars, curving and swirling in delicate abstract patterns over his skin. Deep enough that they'll stay, that they bled for a long time and healed only reluctantly.

Something very sharp was used, and there are a lot of them, done with the same kind of care and precision an artist would apply to their craft. Which isn't far from the truth.

"They go all the way up. Both sides." He lets the sleeve fall back, and presses his hand to his forehead for a moment.

That was exceptionally rude, and Jaeger knows it, but he's tired. His burns hurt, and he sort of wants today to be over. There's no anger at George there, not really, but this place, this town? He's feeling the first awful bubblings of resentment and shame.

[bindlestifflost]

He lets out a soft grunt, glancing up at him quickly after laying his eyes good on what he's shown. "Guess it really don't say nothin' good, but that ain't on you." He's seen and heard enough from men back from the war to know about torture. Worse.

He claps him lightly on his uninjured shoulder and holds out a hand. "Let me carry them books a ways? No sense in throwing your balance off with that cane. Hot as hell today, too." It seems hot to him because he's not used to humidity much at all.

[bloodalwaystells]

Jaeger sighs quietly, gives George a flash of apologetic expression. He's glad he hasn't disturbed the man any further than is already innate to this whole conversation, though the whole thing still sits hard and uneasy in his gut.

"Some days are better than others. I try to make the best choices I can, though...protect people from going through what I went through. It's not always a choice I want to make, but sometimes...that's what you have."

Jaeger is, in a lot of ways, a soldier. Has been, will continue to be. The fight might change, but not the weight of it, the bitter necessities that come with it.

He's marked in ways that no one should be, and if nothing else, it puts him in the category of "useful". To be able to stop people like Easterbrook, without collecting even more scars.

At the offered hand, he gives a small nod, the barest flicker of smile. He appreciates the offer, and he'll accept it graciously, handing over the bag. It's not particularly big or heavy but it's one less thing to keep track of, for a little while. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

[bindlestifflost]

"Yeah." He nods. It's the most laconic of agreement, not to shut him down or stop the conversation but because it's all he has to say. When things get down to the bone and a man's lucky, what's necessary and right can be the same things. They rarely feel like the same things. And sometimes there is no right. There's only the least harm.

He can tell Jaeger's heart's in the right place. He helped him plenty his first day in a way that engendered a degree of trust. It's one reason he's here now.

"You're welcome." He takes the sack and lets it swing freely as they go. If the silence drags, it's not uncomfortable on his end of it. He's just chewing on a lot and not ready to spit any of it out.

[bloodalwaystells]

Jaeger's too deep in his own thoughts to even think about asking if George has experienced anything close. It really doesn't even occur to him, that someone who seems so normal (if displaced), could relate to sadism, torture, and murder. And in the context of magic, no less, which he hasn't even added to the mix.

Quiet descends, and they start walking again, Jaeger with his sleeves safely in place again. It's the best shelter he has, as if his past could be covered and hidden the same way. He's not ready to be that bare, not beyond what he's already shown.

He feels self-conscious at the silence in a way he rarely does. Normally, Jaeger is the observant, thoughtful, stoic one, the one who listens without speaking. This time, he's the one that's done the talking, even if it wasn't actually much. Even if the horrible little questions program did most of the talking for him.

But this is who he is now. This is what he has, the closest he's been able to come to rebuilding a man who was quite literally torn to tatters. Maybe he's better than he thinks he is. He's not sure- Indigo had always felt that way, but she wasn't here and he might never see her again. He still holds that judgment close, a sparkling reassurance amid very dark thoughts.

He's almost ready to accept silence for the rest of the walk home, when he hears himself say, "Thank you for listening. I know it's not easy things to hear about someone you know."

[bindlestifflost]

He shakes his head. "Ain't a matter a' easy or not. Man's got something on his chest he decides to get off it, don't take a saint to give him the space, 'specially given where we are and what we're trying to do. I know some a' that decision was taken outta your hands. I meant it when I said you didn't owe me none."

He takes a few more steps before adding, "Glad you felt like you could say it, all the same."

He can be harsh, abrupt and judgmental under some circumstances, he knows. Easy to rile, easy to make pop off. He can also be patient and giving with the right company. Jaeger brings out more of what he likes about himself than what he doesn't. That has its own value.

[bloodalwaystells]

Jaeger exhales and nods slowly, grateful for the space that George is giving him.

Given the choice, he never would have been there at all. He never would have chosen pain, and degradation, the fear for his family and himself, the whispers in the dark and the weight of a dangerous pact, no matter how brief.

But that was what happened, and Jaeger had done what was right at the time. Maybe it could have happened differently, but it didn't.

"I feel better for having been able to explain. Because, you're right. It's nothing I ever would have chose for myself. And...there should be a reason for some of those choices. Not an excuse, because it's still a choice I made, things I didn't see until it was too late, but...a reason."

[bindlestifflost]

"I can understand that." It's a little quieter. Sometimes it's strange walking down the street in the bright sun on a pretty day and knowing in his bones there's a lot that isn't right and never will be.

The best anybody can do is take what they have and make their decisions in the moment weighing the good against the bad, or the bad against the worse. Life isn't always neat or clean with the choices it offers.

"For what it's worth, you awwright by me."

[bloodalwaystells]

Things can be very strange in the light of day. Especially after weeks in darkness, what feels like a million miles away from the dawn. It seems like the bad has a little less power in the spring sunshine, a little less hold, even though Jaeger has fought for his life just as desperately in the sun as he has in the dark.

It still feels strange, though. Like it should be different.

Jaeger pauses for a moment, glancing at George, then a small but real smile comes over his face. It's weary, for all that he's shared today, but it's there and he means it.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me. I'm trying to do the best I can...there's a lot of things I've left behind and I want that to be for the better."

And it's good to know that someone decent, someone like George, thinks he's alright.