(closed) the doctors and the nurses, they adore me so

[landing_lights]

Who: Ade Bennett and Luka Kovač
When: Mid-April
Where: ADI medical labs
Summary: Luka meets the man with miracle blood.
Warnings: Medical tests, blood, likely discussion of infectious disease

[ Over the past couple of weeks, Ade has become something of a regular at the ADI medical labs. It seems like every other day, there’s another blood test, another follow-up, another revelation from the doctors. C’nataat is no longer a permanent infection. C’nataat retains its ability to regenerate damaged and diseased cells. Certain lab animals infected with c’nataat show signs of distress, including attempts at self-harm. With each test, there's a new muddle of emotions: relief, joy, confusion, horror. And yet, the doctors keep calling him back and Ade keeps showing up. He doesn’t blame them for their thoroughness—it’s not every day a patient walks in with a literal cure-all running through his veins.

He’s sitting out in the waiting room now with a juice box and a packet of biscuits. They’d drawn more blood than usual today—the doctors want to start testing the effects of higher volume transfusions—and the lab technicians had insisted Ade observe the standard recovery procedure. The one drawing the blood had even taped the bit of gauze to his arm afterward, likely forgetting that the puncture would have healed the second the needle was pulled from his vein. There’s something strangely bittersweet about it; for all their tests on animals, the doctors here don’t seem to have fully grasped what it means for a human to be a host to c’nataat. To them, Ade is still a person who might get hurt, sick, or drained; the gulf between him and them is hidden behind his still-very-human exterior.

He supposes he should be grateful that he’s still considered a patient rather than a lab rat—though, he can’t help but feel some guilt for what his blood might be doing to their actual laboratory animals. Ade had asked if he could keep the rats when they’re done with the last round of tests. He’s still waiting to hear back about that.

For now, he sips his juice and “recovers,” watching the next fifteen or so minutes tick by on the waiting room clock. ]

Comments

[landing_lights]

[ Talk like that should inspire Ade. Instead, it makes him nervous. He's not here to elevate humanity or usher in a new golden age of health and longevity. He's here to fuck up as few things as possible while hopefully helping to prevent the apocalypse—that's it. Causing a shift big enough to make doctors obsolete? That definitely qualifies as a fuck-up in the books of everyone who matters.

He does his best not to let his discomfort show as the man continues speaking. Among the wess'har, balance was everything. Among humans, he's expected to be a team player.

The shift in topic is a welcome change. He hadn't thought much of Luka's wounded hand when he first noticed it but when he mentions the supernatural connection, Ade is naturally curious. He'd never been a big believer in that kind of thing before coming her, but being spontaneously teleported 25 light-years in the blink of an eye can cause you to rethink a lot of what you thought you knew about the universe—and Ade never thought he knew very much. ]

Yeah? What kinds of things are we up against here?

cw: altered mental states, hallucinations

[cuttypie]

[Luka seems fairly oblivious to Ade's reaction, but behind his grin there's wheels turning, possibilities upon possibilities that are far too complex to really think about too much while he's talking but just the mere thought of something this miraculous is enough to actually send him into an excitable mood.

But he sobers up a little when he's talking about the bad stuff that happens here. Because it's really, really bad stuff.]

Terrible things, things that affect your mind, you could be pulled into a dream or a nightmare and not even know. People that can make you lose your mind, hallucinate...

[He shakes his head.]

The evil here is very physically real.

There was a woman--Katie Dunn, she's an avatar of one of the entities. She uses shadow, she is made of shadow, she was causing blackouts, making people lose their minds and try to destroy all things that generate light. [He gestures at his hand again.]

I thought I could reach her, thought that there was still something good in her. She was a regular person before, you know?

[landing_lights]

[ It sounds like something out of a horror movie: a woman made of darkness, driving people mad. An avatar. Ade has never been religious and the part of him with its feet firmly on the ground resists the urge to believe that any of what Luka says is true. Another part of him, the part that knows he wouldn't be here if not for some amount of incomprehensible cosmic fuckery, is listening very intently. ]

How'd she get that way, then? [ Ade asks, frowning a little. He can believe in evil—can believe in Rayat, lying through his teeth that the nukes on Ouzhari weren't floor-cleaners and would have no environmental effects aside from destroying the c'nataat in the soil. But, as much as Ade hates to admit it, even that rat bastard must've thought he was doing the right thing, deep down. What Luka is describing is an evil bordering on madness. ] An... entity just decided to drive her starkers one day? And that was that?

[ Or maybe she was already mad? He can't quite bring himself to believe that a right-minded person would choose to become something like that. ]

[cuttypie]

I'm not quite sure I understand it all myself.

[He looks a little faraway, remembering his conversation with Katie, there were moments where he really thought he was getting through.]

These entities, they feed off of fear. She was an avatar of the Dark, so her causing all this terror was feeding this Dark. Avatars have supernatural abilities, they can do things that one would think is impossible. I don't know how she personally became one, ADI captured her for awhile but she got loose and started terrorizing people again. It's not just her, there are other Avatars, probably even ones we don't know about.

Maybe being an Avatar drives you mad from simply being one, maybe the process of drawing fear does it, makes a person lose all empathy...

[He makes a frustrated gesture towards the door, or maybe just the world.]

It's not scientific at all. It shouldn't be possible, but it is and I've seen it with my own eyes.

[landing_lights]

[ Supernatural abilities. It makes Ade shudder to hear, knowing that c'nataat may well qualify as one. What had they said when he arrived? Using any abilities that could be considered inhuman requires feeding an entity? Ade has no idea how that's even supposed to work, given he has no control over c'nataat. The little bugger does what it pleases—which just so happens to be keeping him alive at all costs. ]

I'm not saying I'm an Avatar, [ Ade begins, carefully. ] But some would say c'nataat—what's in my blood—does the impossible, too. I don't know if it really counts, but... there might be a price in using it.

[ He shifts in his seat, suddenly and uncomfortably aware of why the lab rats may be hurting themselves. If inflicting terror and distress is the price for one's abilities, who's to say the victims need to be humans? ]

You've seen the results for yourself, yeah? You know about the side effects?

[cuttypie]

[Luka is quiet for a moment. The whole supernatural thing has been beyond him ever since he got here, and as cool as it would be to have superpowers, admittedly, he's also very glad that he doesn't have to worry about that.]

I don't know. It's possible...

[He trails off worriedly, thinking about the animals, too.]

Yeah, I have. I don't suppose we'll really know what they're feeling unless they can talk about it. And these entities, they feed off fear. If that's what's happening here, what's upsetting the rats? Are they just feeling fear?

[There's a pause.]

I don't even know if that's that bad of a price. I would pay it if it meant survival.

[Not that he wants to feed any entities, far from it. But he's seen horrific things, lived through them. Saving someone at all costs is what he does, all the time.]

[landing_lights]

I bet a lot of people would.

[ Whatever c'nataat is doing to the rats is clearly unpleasant, but Ade hazards most humans would accept temporary distress if it meant living to see another day—even if it also meant feeding something evil in the process. Still, the thought disturbs him. He's brought something into this world that is as miraculous as it is dangerous: a deal with the devil in a blood bag. ]

I know c'nataat probably looks like a godsend to you, [ Ade says, already feeling like a bastard. ] But if using it feeds the entities, you can't sling it at every poor sod who walks through the door. The whole world goes to hell if the other side wins and then it won't matter who you saved.

[ In some ways, the circumstances are almost the same as they were in his own timeline; c'nataat is still something dangerous, an infection to be contained lest it kickstart armageddon. It's just that, here, it's also a much more convenient tool for humanity—and that's what may make it even more dangerous. ]

Wish I could give you that early retirement, [ Ade says with a shake of his head. ] But unless there's a way to cut c'nataat off from the entities, you're going to have to keep saving people the old-fashioned way.

cw: mention of cancer treatments

[cuttypie]

[Luka is quiet a moment, just as thoughtful. It sucks, he knows, that it's not a perfect cure, that the downsides are really, really bad. How can you save the world if it means making a deal with the devil?]

I know.

[He trails off, fidgeting with the edge of his sleeves.]

But what if there was some way we could, I don't know, warn people it was coming? Maybe they wouldn't be as afraid. And then maybe these entities wouldn't get fed so much, only a little. Especially if we save such a thing for the worst cases and situations, you know? It's like...putting up with a small amount of poison with the effect of possibly saving the whole body.

[landing_lights]

[ Ade sighs, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. He understands why Luka wants so badly to find a way to make this work. Of course he does; what kind of doctor wouldn't? ]

You could warn people. Could just knock them out, too. That might at least stop them from hurting themselves...

[ It might bypass their fear entirely, assuming Luka gives them something potent enough that don't have nightmares. It almost seems like a real, workable solution—except for one problem. ]

They told us that we'd need to create fear to keep our powers going. That means every so often, you'd need a patient to be awake when you infected them—or I'd have to go out and scare someone another way.

[ There doesn't seem to be a way around feeding the entities, not entirely. If c'nataat is to work, someone has to suffer. ]

You think you could make that call? [ It's a hard question, but Ade's voice isn't accusing—just quiet and conflicted. ] How do you choose who suffers so that others don't have to?

[cuttypie]

[Luka's eyes shoot up. Actually, that's a fantastic idea. Having the patient unconscious? Whatever was causing the fear response may be completely over by the time they come to.]

It would be a fairly easy procedure, or we could prescribe them something to calm them down through the worst of it.

[But then, there's that caveat.

It is a hard call and he goes quiet.]

I wouldn't choose them. I'd choose me.

[His voice sounds intense. Passionate. He'd do anything to save patients, and he knows he doesn't really know what this fear entails, not really, not without experiencing it, but he's adamant, it doesn't matter how bad it could be.]

I would pay the price.

[landing_lights]

[ Ade blinks at Luka's declaration. In retrospect, it's an obvious solution. Forcing that decision on a patient on the brink of death would be abhorrent—but if the doctor himself pays the price for them...

It's not perfect, either. But it's a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

Ade sits up straighter, all focus. This could actually work. If they use c'nataat strategically enough, they might not even need to feed the entities much at all. Already, Ade is thinking logistics, trying to figure out just how viable the idea might be. ]

Cold storage, [ he says suddenly. ] That's what you need to test next. See how long can you put my blood on ice and still have living c'nataat cells inside. You want an emergency supply onhand, that's how often you'll need a top-up from me.

[ And, perhaps, how often Luka himself will need to take a dose to ensure Ade's c'nataat is active when the extraction happens. ]

[cuttypie]

[And quite suddenly he realizes this actually is going to happen. He knows he should be afraid, he knows he has no idea what this is going to actually entail, how much fear he's going to have to put up with, what it's even going to do to him especially in the long term, but he doesn't care. Not when he can save lives.

Not when he's already been terrified within an inch of his life. He's already lost everything once, what more can they take from him?]

Cold storage, right. And what the smallest dose is necessary so that we maximize the use out of the supply. [He's already calculating how much he's going to need, how much he needs for patients, if there's a way he can set up a test to quickly check for c'nataat in the blood like a blood glucose test.

There's a slight smile, a weak joke now that he's suddenly energized with the possibilities of saving people.]

You sure you're up for this? I feel like a little bit of a vampire plotting to steal your blood away.

[landing_lights]

[ Is he up for this? The question gives Ade the same little revelation as Luka—that this is actually happening, that they're perilously close to turning theory into reality. Instant healing in a syringe, just within reach. It's as alluring as it is terrifying. ]

The way I see it, [ Ade says slowly. ] You'll only be using it for extreme cases. And if you can save them from dying, you might actually be taking fear out of this world. Not like there's much scarier than death, for most of us.

[ He'd seen that for himself with Lindsay, who had chosen an eternity at the bottom of the sea over execution. The fear of dying, the fear of losing loved ones—he's seen what it does to people. He's seen what it did to him after he'd lost Shan. He can't think of a more profound comfort than being able to take that fear away. ]

Anyway, I've got plenty of blood to give. More than most people. [ He nods to Luka. ] You're the one who's going to be most at risk here. So... just know I won't think any less of you if this ends up being a one-time thing. Because right now, the only ones who know how bad it gets are the rats.

[ And Ade and Luka both know how they'd reacted. ]

[cuttypie]

[Luka nods, slowly, the magnitude of what they are about to do reaching him. It's a literal miracle, somehow, something he certainly never thought he'd see in his lifetime, and here they were, trying to outwit supernatural Entities in order to save lives.

And he'd pay the price for it, over and over again. But it would be so worth it.]

The Entities probably won't like that, but maybe this time we can finally beat them at their game. See how they like it.

[He rubs the back of his head, a sad, sort of sheepish smile. Yeah, now he's the lab rat.

Poor rats.]

I have already experienced my worst fear. I don't think there's much else they can do to me.

[landing_lights]

Your worst fear can still grind you down, [ Ade says softly. ] Even if you've felt it a thousand times before.

[ He understands both sides of it: pushing through one's fear to save another's life and being paralyzed by it, controlled by it. In some ways, he's chosen both of them more than once as a marine—the choice to place himself in harm's way, even in those scenarios that he knows will leave him in a state of utter terror in the aftermath. Even so, it's not a choice he'd wish on anyone else.

He sighs, leaning back in his chair. ] Guess we'll take it one step at a time. [ He smiles, wanly. ] Just go easy on yourself, yeah? You seem like a good doc. It'd tear me up if I drove you mad.