Network - 04 (Posted on March 15, before the start of the event)

[graveyounglady]

Who: Mercy Graves
Username: mercyme
Warnings: reference to underage drinking

To the Gentlefolk of Other Worlds,

The spring of this world is nearly upon us! The 20th of March will mark its turning, and I would propose a celebration to mark this. I will have flowers and ribbons to weave crowns and fresh bread, berries, and cream to share, along with what alcohol I can carry. At Evergreen Abbey, my home, we would celebrate the turning of the seasons with a grand feast and games from dawn until dusk. I fear I do not have the means to give this to you, but I would like to give you something.

At the end of the feast, the Abbess or Abbot would name the season, as well. I am no one so grand, but I would make a proposal: The Spring of Dawn's Light. For the dawn represents so many things:

Guidance - The dawn will always give us direction when we feel lost. As surely as a stone will fall when dropped from a height, the sun will rise from the east.

A New Beginning - The dawn hails a new day, something that may be different than the one before. We close the chapter of the day before and open something else with the rising of the sun.

And Hope - The dawn is a reminder that darkness cannot stand forever. Light will bleed through, it will kiss the earth and spread across her as a lover. Warm tendrils that invigorate and call waking.

I know that not everyone has inclination to come to the ADI offices, so I would propose the Oval Playground at Centennial Avenue and Harvard Street. It is very near to one of the cemeteries, and I would lay flowers for some of the graves there, on that day of celebration. Those who have died should know the joy of a turning, as well, for they are the soil that feeds us and lets the spring come forth.

I will be there to celebrate from the sun's breaking to its height. Please be wary of the shadows if you come.

May the spring bring life to you and yours,
Mercy Graves

Comments

[abrightboy]

I definitely do not want to meet in person. I understand the compulsions this place can cause; I was compelled by one myself. But do you understand that it wasn’t your tone that offended me? It was the assault.

cw: discussion of corporal punishment

[graveyounglady]

[Mercy eyes that word. 'Assault.']

I mean to say the slapping you and everything, Mr. Malcolm. It is something my Mama or Papa would have done to me were I acting out of turn in my younger days. You did not deserve that, and I should not have been hauling you around.

[abrightboy]

I appreciate that. Part of my continued concern is that nobody else did anything about it, either. That a compulsion could take you and the other people in medical were fine with that. A compulsion could make you behave in an extreme way and nobody in medical was inclined to rein it in.

[graveyounglady]

To be fair to them, sir, you looked deathly ill and were shouting and flailing like you had a madness upon you.

[abrightboy]

I was screaming for help. Because I was being assaulted. And their inability to recognize that has made me reluctant to use the medical facilities even if needed. I tried to tell you: I can’t be sedated. If I can’t wake up, it’s like I’m trapped in there. Not one single person was interested in understanding why that’s a problem for me.

[graveyounglady]

How are we meant to tell the difference between your raving because of an effect and because of legitimate concerns, though? You were thrashing and screaming, all but incoherent. I was the only one who heard those concerns, in full, I believe. Please do not fault them for something I have done.

I must also ask why you find induced sleep so abhorent? If you are asleep, then you will not know to feel trapped?

[abrightboy]

Induced sleep doesn’t smother my parasomnia. I still have night terrors, but I can’t wake up to escape them. I’m just trapped in an unending horror.

[graveyounglady]

There are medications to help with such things, though. Have you tried something for this condition?

[abrightboy]

Most medications don't touch a parasomnia. It's not simply nightmares. I am trying an experimental medication from one of the doctors at medical. It has... a small amount of effect. If I'm not having a bad head day.

[graveyounglady]

But what is the underlying thing that ails you? Are there spirits in your head that torment you?

[This isn't one of the conditions that has come up in her studying.]

[abrightboy]

Sort of. I saw things when I was a child. Horrible things done by someone who was supposed to be good. It broke something in me.

[graveyounglady]

How do you mean it broke something? Just these nightmares?

[abrightboy]

No.

[It's a moment before the elaboration comes through. He's a little concerned about telling her the extent of his issues. He's a little concerned about what she'll do.]

I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I have problems with anxiety and depression and intermittent psychosis - I hallucinate occasionally - and the night terrors. My medication and my exercise routine mitigate most of the symptoms to some degree. When you saw me in the cafeteria, I wasn't using either of those. I thought I could will myself to be normal.

[graveyounglady]

What are we to do if this happens again? Or we are stranded in some manner without your medications? Is there something else that could help you? Even if you may be frightened of it in the moment? I worry for these times when there are things that seem to rob us of our senses at times here. From what you say, you needed those medications. How should I have handled what happened?

[abrightboy]

Listen to me when I tell you what I need? Or don't need, I suppose. I wasn't going to hurt anyone but myself. And if you think I'm ever really in danger - or dangerous - call Gil Arroyo. He'll know what to do. He'll take care of it.

[graveyounglady]

But hurting yourself is no good either, sir. I can agree to call someone, but listening to you when you are clearly unwell and doing harm to yourself is not something I could abide.

[abrightboy]

I appreciate that you heart is in the right place, but you need to learn about boundaries, Mercy.

[graveyounglady]

How am I supposed to be a good healer if I do not help people? That is meant to be my profession. My god would turn me away if I were to shirk my duties.

[abrightboy]

Where I’m from, healers make an oath to do no harm. Ostensibly, you helped my immediate physical symptoms, but overall, you did me more harm than you prevented.

[graveyounglady]

[She shakes her head to herself.]

If you are going to die, does the short term not matter more? You looked as though you were fit to collapse. I can offer that I will reach out first to someone else, but if I am faced with you in a state and there is no one else, I will not promise that I will not attempt to get you to help and treat you against your wishes again.

[abrightboy]

I wasn’t going to die. I was probably going to vomit.

[graveyounglady]

Mr. Malcolm, where I am from, that may be the start of a fever and illness that could kill someone in days. I know I am not so learned as some here, but I have seen such things with my own eyes.

[abrightboy]

I'm aware of that, but where I come from it can also mean you drank too much, ate a bad chicken salad sandwich or came down with a flu. Most of the time, those things don't require hospitalization.

[graveyounglady]

Can you tell me, truly, that you would have been better off physically, had I left you as you were? I cannot speak to your emotions as a healer.
But for your body. As I said, I can promise to ask for another's council before proceeding in future. But if no council is there, I cannot promise to leave you as you are, even if I am in my right mind.

[abrightboy]

I understand.

[He won’t comment on the question of his physical wellbeing. At this point in his life, he both understands and resents its relationship with and impact on his mental health. But it also feels secondary to his ‘emotions’.]

I appreciate that you care. I do. I just can’t have anyone doing THAT to me again. Okay?