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apocalypsehowcomm2022-03-13 01:23 pm
worthallthis) wrote in apocalypsehowcomm2022-03-13 01:23 pm
March Catch-All [OTA]
Who: Winter (Bucky Barnes) and OPEN
When: March catch-all
Where: ADI headquarters, ADI apartments, around town
Summary: Just working, training, and being a different kind of quietly creepy
Warnings: Struggles with personalization
I. Confessions - Closed to Close CR
There are some people who need to know that they might be at risk to continue associating with him: specifically, Kate, Meredith, Jaeger, and Malcolm Bright. Winter will seek them out one by one and... confess. Or, well, say, "I need to tell you something," and then shuffle around like he's embarrassed, angry that he's embarrassed, and afraid of what their response will be.
II. Study - OTA
So Winter needs to learn how to be a person. This requires... study.
Unfortunately, study seems to take the form of creepily watching people all over town. He no longer wears his mask and goggles unless he's actively on ADI patrol or a mission, but his face is not particularly expressive, and having a large guy in a dark coat and combat boots standing on street-corners or in shop windows or sitting on perch benches staring at people (and still not making eye contact when caught at it) is not particularly reassuring.
He also takes the dive (possibly suggested by one of his people) to try reading as another form a study. Fiction. He starts, perhaps stupidly, with romance novels, as this seems like a good way to learn human interactions. He sits in the cafeteria, his apartment, or in the cold in the park with a book with a pretty lady being leaned back by a shirtless man in floral pastel colors in his hand. Mostly when he's doing this, he's frowning.
Please be the one to almost get beaned by the book when he finally gets fed up and disgusted with what he's reading and throws it across whatever room, hall, or outdoor space he's in with an annoyed growl.
III. Prisoners of Consciousness - OTA
It happens when Winter is on patrol. The ADI hallway is broad, if a little dark, and the ventilation shafts are heavy in the ceiling. He's walked this hall for months, now. He knows it well.
So why does the end of the hall seem so far away? Why are all the doors along it-- why are they shrinking to a size he could barely fit his hand through? Where is that window he knows is on this stretch of hall?
It feels like... it feels like another hall, deep inside a concrete bunker in Siberia. That's what this is. He's owned again. He's a thing again. And he sure as hell does deserve it, for all the people he killed, for the Widows he helped corrupt, for the entity that he let attach itself to him somehow and the people he scared to unwittingly feed it.
Anyone else traveling this hall in the mid to late afternoon can find him huddled against the wall, hugging his rifle like a teddy bear, breathing too hard behind his mask. No goggles today, so it's just Winter's wide, damp eyes fixed on the floor.
IV. Trick of the Dark - OTA
Winter is often out and about after dark, whether staring at the shelves at the grocery store trying to make himself pick something out of the myriad of brands available for peanut butter alone, closing up shop at ADI after a long evening of practice or tutelage, or his nightly patrols of the ADI apartments. He does glimpse the strange woman once or twice, but he sees nothing amiss about another person out after dark. That sort of thing, this time? Does not scare him.
Once he does lever his gun at her when she appears too close, but she vanishes quickly after that.
No, mostly what he sees is people of the city, even friends, attacking streetlamps, rushing into stores to turn off lights, climbing up to try and smash overhead lights in the ADI halls. He follows in their wake, puzzled, repairing what damage he can and turning lights back on. If it gets too bad, he approaches the person in question. "Calm down. What are you trying to do."
When: March catch-all
Where: ADI headquarters, ADI apartments, around town
Summary: Just working, training, and being a different kind of quietly creepy
Warnings: Struggles with personalization
I. Confessions - Closed to Close CR
There are some people who need to know that they might be at risk to continue associating with him: specifically, Kate, Meredith, Jaeger, and Malcolm Bright. Winter will seek them out one by one and... confess. Or, well, say, "I need to tell you something," and then shuffle around like he's embarrassed, angry that he's embarrassed, and afraid of what their response will be.
II. Study - OTA
So Winter needs to learn how to be a person. This requires... study.
Unfortunately, study seems to take the form of creepily watching people all over town. He no longer wears his mask and goggles unless he's actively on ADI patrol or a mission, but his face is not particularly expressive, and having a large guy in a dark coat and combat boots standing on street-corners or in shop windows or sitting on perch benches staring at people (and still not making eye contact when caught at it) is not particularly reassuring.
He also takes the dive (possibly suggested by one of his people) to try reading as another form a study. Fiction. He starts, perhaps stupidly, with romance novels, as this seems like a good way to learn human interactions. He sits in the cafeteria, his apartment, or in the cold in the park with a book with a pretty lady being leaned back by a shirtless man in floral pastel colors in his hand. Mostly when he's doing this, he's frowning.
Please be the one to almost get beaned by the book when he finally gets fed up and disgusted with what he's reading and throws it across whatever room, hall, or outdoor space he's in with an annoyed growl.
III. Prisoners of Consciousness - OTA
It happens when Winter is on patrol. The ADI hallway is broad, if a little dark, and the ventilation shafts are heavy in the ceiling. He's walked this hall for months, now. He knows it well.
So why does the end of the hall seem so far away? Why are all the doors along it-- why are they shrinking to a size he could barely fit his hand through? Where is that window he knows is on this stretch of hall?
It feels like... it feels like another hall, deep inside a concrete bunker in Siberia. That's what this is. He's owned again. He's a thing again. And he sure as hell does deserve it, for all the people he killed, for the Widows he helped corrupt, for the entity that he let attach itself to him somehow and the people he scared to unwittingly feed it.
Anyone else traveling this hall in the mid to late afternoon can find him huddled against the wall, hugging his rifle like a teddy bear, breathing too hard behind his mask. No goggles today, so it's just Winter's wide, damp eyes fixed on the floor.
IV. Trick of the Dark - OTA
Winter is often out and about after dark, whether staring at the shelves at the grocery store trying to make himself pick something out of the myriad of brands available for peanut butter alone, closing up shop at ADI after a long evening of practice or tutelage, or his nightly patrols of the ADI apartments. He does glimpse the strange woman once or twice, but he sees nothing amiss about another person out after dark. That sort of thing, this time? Does not scare him.
Once he does lever his gun at her when she appears too close, but she vanishes quickly after that.
No, mostly what he sees is people of the city, even friends, attacking streetlamps, rushing into stores to turn off lights, climbing up to try and smash overhead lights in the ADI halls. He follows in their wake, puzzled, repairing what damage he can and turning lights back on. If it gets too bad, he approaches the person in question. "Calm down. What are you trying to do."
no subject
Slowly he wanders closer, though not quite willing to sit next to the guy yet. Baby steps, right? Until he’s got the full measure of this version of Barnes, he’s just gonna continue to treat this like an encounter with a potentially dangerous animal. No offense my dude; Tony’s just exceptionally vulnerable at the moment, though he’d rather read 1000 words of Charlotte and Matthew’s torrid love affair than admit that out loud. ]
Relax. If it’s decent literature you’re looking for, I’m sure I could drum up some recommendations. But it sounds to me like you’re after something a little more, uh, hands-on educational? Because ‘human interaction’, that’s something best achieved through field study, if you know what I mean.
no subject
I've been watching real people, too. But I don't always understand what I see. I thought. Maybe books would get me inside people's heads.
[He eyes the book in Tony's hands warily, like it might bite.]
Is the inside of people's heads really like that?
no subject
Ah, sorry, not laughing at you. Mostly. It’s just— No. No, it’s not like that. That’s a story, yeah? It’s pretend. A work of fiction, and a piss poor one too.
[ Okay, Tony’s sore legs are getting to him and it’s cold as balls so he’s just gonna say fuck it to that self-preservation bit he’d had going for a second there and sit his ass down. Look, he’s done way more reckless things before; this is just cozying up to the guy who killed his parents. No big deal. Budge up, Bucko. ]
And that’s the good news. Bad news is, with a few notable exceptions [ WANDA ], most of us human folks can’t see what’s goin’ on in other people's heads. If you wanna get to know someone, talking to them is your best bet. No shortcuts.
Sorry to burst your bubble.
no subject
I'm not great. At talking to people.
[He finally shows some of his own sense of humor by adding, ultra-bland,]
As I'm sure you can tell.
[He picks up the book again, frowning at the cover.]
I know it's not real. But it's written by real people, about people. So I thought it might help a little.
no subject
Hey, knock yourself out! I’d hate to get in between a man and his smut. I’m just saying, maybe you’ll find it more useful to, I don’t know, try a more practical approach?
I mean, hello, person here. I could help. Judgment-free zone, just ask me whatever.
[ What the hell is he doing? No really, what is happening right now? ]
no subject
How can people stand to hold each other for so long. Hugs. I don't understand hugs.
[Of course, Winter also has severe PTSD that includes being restrained, so his perspective might be kind of unusual. Give him the other side, Tony.]
no subject
That question really doesn’t strike him as odd at all. It might have in the past, maybe, but now? Honestly, it makes perfect sense.
Huh. Maybe he’s got better intuition than he’d thought. ]
Mystery for the ages. Some people are really into that touchy-feely stuff I guess. I can’t say I’m a huge fan, and clearly you aren’t, so there’s your answer isn’t it? Different folks, different strokes.
[ ...Actually no, that’s not enough. Incomplete answer. Fuck, okay, time to put this as generically as possible without bringing her up and baring a wound that nobody else gets to see, for reasons he can’t figure out. It’s fine. ]
I mean, it can be nice if it’s the right person. Someone you really trust I guess. But I’m not gonna go too deep into that one, bud, sorry.
no subject
He chews on the inside of his cheek for a minute, frowning, but then nods.]
I'll ask someone else that one, then. For their understanding.
[Which means he should ask another question, right? What else has been confusing him lately...]
Why do people rush around when they don't really have all that much to do?
no subject
Anyway... ]
Hm...depends, I guess. I think people are sorta conditioned to rush things, particularly in the ol' U.S. of A. There's always that worry that some guy's gonna figure something out before you do, or have the same idea that you got and beat you to the punch. That's my guess, at least.
[ To be honest he's never really thought about it before. Thanks for the food for thought, Barnes. He's mentally thanking you a lot today. Will the weirdness never cease? ]
no subject
He does, however, know a lot about avoiding thinking about things. He is a pro at that. And that's part of the problem.
So he tries again. Sadly, he's probably about to obliviously ruin Tony's day a little by bringing up Pepper thoughts again.]
What does love feel like? Or. Or happiness?
no subject
But man, these questions. It’s like trying to explain things to an overgrown child with a murder-prosthetic. One that Tony would very much like to scope out at some point, by the way. Er, later. Much later.
What was the question about again? Oh yeah, the one subject he really wants to avoid. Of course. ]
Now come on, enough with the superficial questions, ask the real stuff won’t you? [ Tony knows this dude can pick up on sarcasm so let him have that one he needs it before getting into this kind of serious shit. ]
It’s, uh... Well technically they’re chemical reactions. [ Nailed it. ] Our brains produce norepinephrine, serotonin and dopamine as ‘rewards’ for doing things so we don’t perish as a species. Same with oxytocin; that’s the one that gets us out there playing nice with others so we can, y’know. Propagate.
[ Wow. Lightbulb moment: he really, really sucks at this.
Tony sighs, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. Let’s try again. ]
I mean... I guess love happens when this, this idea that you’ve always kinda had that it doesn’t matter what happens to you and you don’t care—like anything could take you out and you’d be fine with it probably— You meet somebody who just, like, kills it. Squashes that idea like a bug. You have this realization that you don’t wanna be so devil-may-care with your life after all because if you are, and something does take you out, that person will be sad, and that’s...well, that’s the worst damn thing you can think of.
As for actually holding to that... [ He shifts a bit uncomfortably. ] Well, it’s like I said. Ideas.
no subject
More, though, was a certain disregard trained painstakingly into him about his own survival, his own pain, his own feelings. They didn't matter. Only the mission mattered. But that's changing, and he knows it. And it's changing because of people like Yelena. Like Kate and Meredith and Malcolm.
So he nods at last.]
Thank you. That helps.
[A pause.]
No desire to propogate though. So the brain chemicals are failing there.
[Yes, he caught your original sarcasm, Tony. Here he is countering with his own dry comment.]
no subject
Well, you're in luck. Sex and relationships aren't always about the reproduction stuff. That's the neat thing about humans, see; we've evolved past our base instincts. We have wants and desires beyond just what we need for survival.
That's why you might be having trouble figuring how to, uh, human properly. Because there isn't just one way to human. Does that make sense? [ A small laugh, because again, what is this. ] Because all this sure as shit isn't making sense to me.
no subject
How the fuck am I supposed to learn, then. I can't. I can't go on not being a person. That will upset Belova and Kate. And feed the Stranger, which is bad.