March Catch-All [OTA]

[worthallthis]

Who: Winter (Bucky Barnes) and OPEN
When: March catch-all
Where: ADI headquarters, ADI apartments, around town
Summary: Just working, training, and being a different kind of quietly creepy
Warnings: Struggles with personalization


I. Confessions - Closed to Close CR

There are some people who need to know that they might be at risk to continue associating with him: specifically, Kate, Meredith, Jaeger, and Malcolm Bright. Winter will seek them out one by one and... confess. Or, well, say, "I need to tell you something," and then shuffle around like he's embarrassed, angry that he's embarrassed, and afraid of what their response will be.


II. Study - OTA

So Winter needs to learn how to be a person. This requires... study.

Unfortunately, study seems to take the form of creepily watching people all over town. He no longer wears his mask and goggles unless he's actively on ADI patrol or a mission, but his face is not particularly expressive, and having a large guy in a dark coat and combat boots standing on street-corners or in shop windows or sitting on perch benches staring at people (and still not making eye contact when caught at it) is not particularly reassuring.

He also takes the dive (possibly suggested by one of his people) to try reading as another form a study. Fiction. He starts, perhaps stupidly, with romance novels, as this seems like a good way to learn human interactions. He sits in the cafeteria, his apartment, or in the cold in the park with a book with a pretty lady being leaned back by a shirtless man in floral pastel colors in his hand. Mostly when he's doing this, he's frowning.

Please be the one to almost get beaned by the book when he finally gets fed up and disgusted with what he's reading and throws it across whatever room, hall, or outdoor space he's in with an annoyed growl.


III. Prisoners of Consciousness - OTA

It happens when Winter is on patrol. The ADI hallway is broad, if a little dark, and the ventilation shafts are heavy in the ceiling. He's walked this hall for months, now. He knows it well.

So why does the end of the hall seem so far away? Why are all the doors along it-- why are they shrinking to a size he could barely fit his hand through? Where is that window he knows is on this stretch of hall?

It feels like... it feels like another hall, deep inside a concrete bunker in Siberia. That's what this is. He's owned again. He's a thing again. And he sure as hell does deserve it, for all the people he killed, for the Widows he helped corrupt, for the entity that he let attach itself to him somehow and the people he scared to unwittingly feed it.

Anyone else traveling this hall in the mid to late afternoon can find him huddled against the wall, hugging his rifle like a teddy bear, breathing too hard behind his mask. No goggles today, so it's just Winter's wide, damp eyes fixed on the floor.


IV. Trick of the Dark - OTA

Winter is often out and about after dark, whether staring at the shelves at the grocery store trying to make himself pick something out of the myriad of brands available for peanut butter alone, closing up shop at ADI after a long evening of practice or tutelage, or his nightly patrols of the ADI apartments. He does glimpse the strange woman once or twice, but he sees nothing amiss about another person out after dark. That sort of thing, this time? Does not scare him.

Once he does lever his gun at her when she appears too close, but she vanishes quickly after that.

No, mostly what he sees is people of the city, even friends, attacking streetlamps, rushing into stores to turn off lights, climbing up to try and smash overhead lights in the ADI halls. He follows in their wake, puzzled, repairing what damage he can and turning lights back on. If it gets too bad, he approaches the person in question. "Calm down. What are you trying to do."

Comments

[worthallthis]

"Apparently I do. I never thought so, but." He holds up the metal arm, bending the fingers and making soft mechanical buzzing noises. "I heal faster than normal humans. And I'm stronger. I could never have had this installed if I were like a normal human. It's anchored all along my left side. On my ribs and spine and shoulder blade."

And it hurts like hell, these days, with him trying not to scare people anymore. The joys of being a cyborg.

[abrightboy]

"So.... what Entity is it? How did you find out?" Malcolm asks, still with unguarded curiosity.

[worthallthis]

"I don't know. I found out during the snow, when I felt it trying to make me feed it. Can't tell which one it is." He shoves his hand back into his pocket unhappily. "It wasn't so bad any other time. I didn't really notice. Just thought it was a malfunction, when I wasn't as strong and fast all the time."

[abrightboy]

“What do you have to do to feed it?” Malcolm asks cautiously.

[worthallthis]

He shrugs helplessly, regrets it because it makes his shoulder ache more. "Wear my mask and goggles. Not have expression when I don't. Loom a lot. I felt strong a lot after the nightmare where I shot many of my co-workers at ADI because they turned into monsters. A lot of them were afraid of me then."

[abrightboy]

“You have to scare people to feed it? Did you scare your roommates?” Malcolm asks.

[worthallthis]

He actually flinches, moving a step aside as if Malcolm actually struck him with the question. "Not on purpose! I. I'd already figured it out. Earlier. And I was mad at myself. So I sat down and didn't move for a while. And it made Belova afraid I would be less human."

[abrightboy]

"You've been conditioned to see yourself as a weapon, not a human. Things are different here. People care about you. And you've changed. You like that they do," Malcolm points out. "This place will try to push you, but you're better than it."

[worthallthis]

Winter's shoulders hunch a little. He does like that people care about him. Yelena said she loves him, and thinking about it makes him feel-- good. Warm. Protective. He likes it.

But. "I don't really know how. To be a person. But I need to learn if I'm going to. Going to not scare people. By not being a person."

[abrightboy]

"You came to tell me this," Malcolm reminds him. "That's very... persony of you. Have you told your friends how you feel?"

[worthallthis]

"It's only fair. I might hurt you without knowing it," Winter points out. He's not sure if that's person-y or not. He stares at the ground as they walk, now. "I don't know how I feel. Words are. I don't know what words to use. Belova loves me, but what does that feel like. How do I know if I love her too, or not."

[abrightboy]

"Well... how do you feel when you think about hurting her or scaring her?" Malcolm asks.

[worthallthis]

"Terrible. I don't want to do that, ever," he says immediately, and he thinks he knows where that is going. He considers this a beat. "I feel that way about the rest of my team, too, though. The rest of my people."

[abrightboy]

“There’s more than one kind of love,” Malcolm assures him. “Do you think you might love Belova in a different way than you love the rest of the team?”

[worthallthis]

He tries to compare. Maybe... more? That seems kind of awful to think. But still not incorrect. There is a quality that's different, that edge of guilt for participating in what had been done to her, that feeling that they're in many ways alike. "I knew her before," is what he says finally, rather than answering directly. "Where we come from. I trained her. I only remember pieces, but. That's important."

[abrightboy]

"It's important to you that you have a history together," Malcolm clarifies. "That you share something." He looks at Winter a moment. "Have you ever asked her to do something with you? Just the two of you? Maybe share a meal or... go on a walk in the woods?"

[worthallthis]

Winter looks a little baffled at the suggestion. "We get fancy coffee sometimes. She makes me eat things in cafes. Well. She orders, then we split it and I eat first so if it's poisoned we know and she won't be hurt, mostly. We do ADI missions together a lot."

[abrightboy]

“Um… are you the one suggesting it could be poisoned or is she?” Malcolm asks. Why would a local cafe try to poison her…?

[worthallthis]

The look he gets from Winter says he clearly thinks Malcolm is being a bit dense. "We have had. Phone cases that bite and whisper. Lights that make you say terrible things. Weird magic snow. It's not impossible that someone in a cafe would want to hurt us. And I would rather be careful than lose my important people."

[abrightboy]

"I suppose..." he allows. "But. If it is poisoned, won't your important people risk losing you?" he asks.

[worthallthis]

"I am designed so that drugs and poisons don't work on--" He breaks off from the rote repetition of his own stats to grimace. It's an actual, full expression, not just a little frown. "Shit. They will now."

They won't work as much or as quickly as they might on someone as small and lightweight as Yelena, maybe, but they still will.

[abrightboy]

“I bet you’re as important to them as they are to you,” Malcolm points out. “Is there another way to test it without sacrificing anyone?”

[worthallthis]

"More complicated ways," Winter says, disgruntled, because Malcolm's right. The way everyone has reacted to his confession has proved that. "Less certain ways. I'll have to think of something."

[abrightboy]

"It's a good thing to put some time and thought into," Malcolm points out. "A worthwhile endeavour." He looks at Winter sidelong. "I'm good at making hot chocolate, if you guys want to drop by for snacks you don't have to test."

[worthallthis]

"Meredith is supposed to teach me how to make brownies," Winter comments, following the train of thought from "cocoa at Malcolm's" to "Malcolm is Meredith's apartment mate" to "visiting Meredith anyway". "You can teach me how to make hot chocolate. I already know how to make coffee. And sandwiches."

He might occasionally pack lunches for Kate and Yelena. Occasionally.