[Carter doesn't know how much time he ultimately spends in the shower but eventually his skin feels raw from all the scrubbing and he has to stop.
He puts on the most casual clothes he can find, a plain grey t-shirt and sweatpants - he can't bear to put on work clothes or a white coat, can't even bring himself to look at it, can't be in anything that makes him him. He calls in sick at the department, too, that he can't cover his shift. Then he makes himself some coffee (vowing to himself like a child that he is never going to sleep again) and sits on the couch, nursing it slowly.
When Luka knocks it's only being on autopilot that makes him open the door. That, and not wanting to wake Sheppard. His hair is still damp, sticking up in places and he looks awful. Pale, haunted, eyes still reddened from crying and while he spent all this time in the shower he didn't take the time to shave.
And then it's Luka and the autopilot stops.
Everything stops.
Carter just stares at him for a moment, his mouth opening and closing helplessly. He wants to reach out but he can't bring himself to touch him, hands curling into fists that are pressed to his sides as if he was afraid a scalpel might magically appear if he brings them up too close to Luka's body.]
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He puts on the most casual clothes he can find, a plain grey t-shirt and sweatpants - he can't bear to put on work clothes or a white coat, can't even bring himself to look at it, can't be in anything that makes him him. He calls in sick at the department, too, that he can't cover his shift. Then he makes himself some coffee (vowing to himself like a child that he is never going to sleep again) and sits on the couch, nursing it slowly.
When Luka knocks it's only being on autopilot that makes him open the door. That, and not wanting to wake Sheppard. His hair is still damp, sticking up in places and he looks awful. Pale, haunted, eyes still reddened from crying and while he spent all this time in the shower he didn't take the time to shave.
And then it's Luka and the autopilot stops.
Everything stops.
Carter just stares at him for a moment, his mouth opening and closing helplessly. He wants to reach out but he can't bring himself to touch him, hands curling into fists that are pressed to his sides as if he was afraid a scalpel might magically appear if he brings them up too close to Luka's body.]