I don’t know. [ quiet, lost, just barely above being drowned out by the spray. ] I – retribution, maybe?
[ so the self-flagellation is winning out afterall. the problem here is that he can’t articulate what this punishment is meant to be. he doesn’t want keith telling him to fuck off, vowing to never see him again. but anything lesser than that seems inadequate in the light of what he – unknowingly – did. so he doesn’t know how to resolve this bitter, tormented feeling in his ribcage. according to keith, he shouldn’t even feel anything about it though, huh? he wasn’t in his right mind, like that makes everything that came after forgettable; that neither of them ever have to acknowledge it happened.
– isn’t that what shiro is doing with the drunken kisses?
shut up. one thing at a time. he blows out a breath and focuses on his arm slung over his knee, curling and uncurling those inhuman fingers. he supposes this all stems from – that. ]
I’ve gotten away with so much and never had to apologize for it. [ it could be argued that it wasn’t of his own volition then either. forced into a decision to kill or be killed, of course he chose the former, even if it came at the expense of murdering lesser, more defenseless creatures. his form of punishment? he straightens out his fingers, tilting his wrist to survey the splay and reach of each metal inch. is a ruined body enough? he’s not so sure. he still has a beating heart and air being pulled into his lungs; that’s far more than anything that can be said about those who cowered before him in the ring. ]
I don’t want this to be like that… I want you to take me seriously when I say I’m sorry, that I’d never want to…
[ hurt him, even though that seems to happen often, just never in the physical sense, huh? so no more brushing it off. no more avoiding it. no more pretending it’s no big deal. shiro has all the potential to be dangerous and it’s about time they create safeguards for that. he swallows and balls his fist, hardening his voice. ]
And if it ever happens again. If I’m never me… you take that knife of yours and you defend yourself to whatever end.
no subject
I don’t know. [ quiet, lost, just barely above being drowned out by the spray. ] I – retribution, maybe?
[ so the self-flagellation is winning out afterall. the problem here is that he can’t articulate what this punishment is meant to be. he doesn’t want keith telling him to fuck off, vowing to never see him again. but anything lesser than that seems inadequate in the light of what he – unknowingly – did. so he doesn’t know how to resolve this bitter, tormented feeling in his ribcage. according to keith, he shouldn’t even feel anything about it though, huh? he wasn’t in his right mind, like that makes everything that came after forgettable; that neither of them ever have to acknowledge it happened.
– isn’t that what shiro is doing with the drunken kisses?
shut up. one thing at a time. he blows out a breath and focuses on his arm slung over his knee, curling and uncurling those inhuman fingers. he supposes this all stems from – that. ]
I’ve gotten away with so much and never had to apologize for it. [ it could be argued that it wasn’t of his own volition then either. forced into a decision to kill or be killed, of course he chose the former, even if it came at the expense of murdering lesser, more defenseless creatures. his form of punishment? he straightens out his fingers, tilting his wrist to survey the splay and reach of each metal inch. is a ruined body enough? he’s not so sure. he still has a beating heart and air being pulled into his lungs; that’s far more than anything that can be said about those who cowered before him in the ring. ]
I don’t want this to be like that… I want you to take me seriously when I say I’m sorry, that I’d never want to…
[ hurt him, even though that seems to happen often, just never in the physical sense, huh? so no more brushing it off. no more avoiding it. no more pretending it’s no big deal. shiro has all the potential to be dangerous and it’s about time they create safeguards for that. he swallows and balls his fist, hardening his voice. ]
And if it ever happens again. If I’m never me… you take that knife of yours and you defend yourself to whatever end.