[ … that time he killed a mountain lion. shiro mentally repeats the statement to himself, slow and disbelieving. huh. they haven’t talked much at all about what keith got up to during that year and a half that shiro was up in space. only a glossing over of the big events: booted from the garrison, living in the cabin, building a conspiracy map to the blue lion. shiro’s been meaning to get keith alone from the other paladins and ask him how he’s doing now, after surviving on his own for so long. but… shiro’s a bit of a coward. he can say he’s been busy leading voltron all he likes: there are moments of downtime, ones he could be putting toward checking up on his, supposed, best friend. that’s the thing though, shiro doesn’t feel all that deserving of the title, not when he’s chickening out due to a fear of turnabout. see, if he asks keith about the past year or so, doesn’t that give keith license to turn the question back on him?
and shiro doesn’t want to talk about it.
first off, he doesn’t have a clear recollection of everything anyway. second, the things he does remember are, unfortunately, clear and intense and worse of all, monstrous. the less keith knows of the details, the better. so that comment about him being pretty calm about it almost has him reflexively smiling on an upwelling of dark humor. killing aliens, some even so horrid that shiro can only call them monsters, to the heckling of hundreds, thousands…? yeah. shiro learned to muzzle his panic early on.
he can’t say he wants keith to ever reach that same kind of detachment though. ]
Time’s part of it. [ mostly just repetition and a fostered need to appear strong. he gives keith’s shoulder a squeeze and then returns his hand to his side. ] We’ll likely find ourselves in similar situations moving forward, now that we’re working with ADI. [ he can only assume supernatural threats and a possible apocalypse will lead to some stressful situations, to put it mildly.
there’s a beat, in which shiro is seemingly assessing again, but then he twists his lips on a frown and shifts his gaze to look beyond keith’s shoulder. ]
I’m not anything to strive for. You don’t have to be like me. [ what he means is: ] It’s okay not to be calm. [ likely more normal too. here, he sighs and returns his gaze to keith’s. ] I need you focused… so if you aren’t okay -- now or later, you can always talk to me about it.
no subject
and shiro doesn’t want to talk about it.
first off, he doesn’t have a clear recollection of everything anyway. second, the things he does remember are, unfortunately, clear and intense and worse of all, monstrous. the less keith knows of the details, the better. so that comment about him being pretty calm about it almost has him reflexively smiling on an upwelling of dark humor. killing aliens, some even so horrid that shiro can only call them monsters, to the heckling of hundreds, thousands…? yeah. shiro learned to muzzle his panic early on.
he can’t say he wants keith to ever reach that same kind of detachment though. ]
Time’s part of it. [ mostly just repetition and a fostered need to appear strong. he gives keith’s shoulder a squeeze and then returns his hand to his side. ] We’ll likely find ourselves in similar situations moving forward, now that we’re working with ADI. [ he can only assume supernatural threats and a possible apocalypse will lead to some stressful situations, to put it mildly.
there’s a beat, in which shiro is seemingly assessing again, but then he twists his lips on a frown and shifts his gaze to look beyond keith’s shoulder. ]
I’m not anything to strive for. You don’t have to be like me. [ what he means is: ] It’s okay not to be calm. [ likely more normal too. here, he sighs and returns his gaze to keith’s. ] I need you focused… so if you aren’t okay -- now or later, you can always talk to me about it.